


these violent delights

by JediAnnieScrambler



Category: UnREAL (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Mystery, Romance, Season 4 AU, Slow Burn, So many OCs, Thriller, guys its going to get crazy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 01:03:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediAnnieScrambler/pseuds/JediAnnieScrambler
Summary: It’s a new season of Everlasting- this time with bisexual suitress Vanessa Lexington, a disgraced former Olympic ice skater ready to repare her reputation. But as Quinn and Rachel create the perfect on-screen love story, they are forced to come to terms with their own feelings for each other, especially as a dark shadow looms over the horizon, threatening to tear apart everything they hold dear.  (a season 4 au, now with update summary)





	1. out of focus, eye to eye

 

 

It wasn’t a big house, but it felt too big, too empty. Inches spread out like miles, minutes like hours, as Rachel felt herself unwind in the gifted cabin. She made patterns for herself, teaching herself to chop firewood, meditating, trying to reach the end of her personality as she let the tension from Everlasting drain from her body. 

 

But there was an emptiness in her. It spread from her chest to the gaps between her fingers, a hollow that echoed in the footsteps across the hardwood floor that only she heard. 

 

Try as she might, Rachel couldn’t banish Dr. Simon from her internal monologue. She could quiet him at times, but he’d come back full force analyzing her every thought. 

 

_ It’s hard for you to let people get close, _ he’d whisper as the emptiness ached with every breath,  _ you can’t have any intimate relationships.  _

 

_ No way _ , she had said,  _ I have plenty of intimate relationships. I have Quinn.  _

 

Her hand closed around her phone. It was fully charged, but off. She turned it over in her palm, then set it back down and went to go take a bath, holding held underwater until the voices in her head shut up. 

 

She crossed off days on the calendar. She read self help books, wrote cynical comments in the margins, then reread them and erased the comments. 

 

She thought about Quinn. 

 

Rachel burnt her hand on the whistling tea kettle, sharp and hot, bringing a flush of embarrassment and pain to her face. She hissed in pain, pushing away the memory of getting yelled at in the control room, a masochist mix of shame and pleasure at Quinn’s undivided attention. 

 

She tried not to listen to Dr. Simon’s voice in her head,  _ you just want to hurt yourself, Rachel, you self destruct to make other people hurt you.  _

 

She thought about the time they arranged a ball for the suitor and he hadn’t put enough sex appeal into his dancing. Quinn had yell at him- no, that is not how you hold a woman,  _ this _ is how you hold a woman- before pulling Rachel to her and staring into her eyes. 

 

She saw Quinn in every corner of her cabin, thought about her begging Rachel to leave, to save herself- I love you, I  _ love _ you. 

 

She thought about the time one of girls slapped her. Rachel had thought Quinn was in the control room, but suddenly she was there, fist curled around the girl’s hand, twisting it into an awkward position. 

 

“Touch her again and I’ll rip your fake nails out one by one,” she’d hissed and made sure the girl was cut that night. 

 

“I’m the only one who gets to knock some sense into you, Goldie,” she’d said, hand brushing Rachel’s shoulder later that night. 

 

_ Have you ever thought about why Quinn acts so protective of you?  _ Dr. Simon asked her subconscious,  _ you said she can’t have children, correct?  _

 

I LOVE you-

 

_ You mother also has a strong personality-  _

 

“Quinn and my mother are  _ nothing _ alike,” Rachel snapped, slamming her bowl down on the table. Her words bounced off the walls, reminding her of the vast empty that surrounded. 

 

She found the radio she’d bought on a whim and turned it as loud as it would go. 

 

For a week she watched the edge of her blanket grow more and more frayed. It’s woven threads untied, twisting apart into a confused mess, full of questions and existential dread. What would she do about it? Would it even understand how to be a blanket again? 

 

Rachel picked up her phone and carried it in her hand for several minutes before putting it down in the middle of the table. 

 

It was still early, Quinn wouldn’t be totally absorbed in planning a new season yet, she’d still be relaxing and maybe scheduling casual lunch meetings with potential suitors. 

 

After a long moment of staring at her phone, she turned around. No, no this was a detox. No Everlasting, no sex, no lying, no drugs, no Quinn. 

 

_ Are you ever really, truly honest with yourself about how you feel Rachel?  _ The imaginary Dr. Simon asked,  _ No one is going to understand you, Rachel, no one is going love you.  _

 

“I love you,” Rachel had said, what felt like an eternity ago, “You know that, right?” 

 

Quinn had looked away, expression unreadable, “I love you too, weirdo.”

 

_ Thinking you have feelings for an older female figure of authority is perfectly normal, especially when your relationship with your own mother is damaging. I’ll bet whatever Quinn feels for you is rooted in maternity and Freud even wrote-  _

 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,” Rachel snapped, snatching up her phone from the table. Her hands worked from muscle memory, turning it on and picking the number from speed dial. Before she even realized what she was doing, the phone was ringing, pressed up to her ear. 

 

…

 

It had been two months since the season had ended. Two months since she’d shown up on Chet’s doorstep. Two months since she’d last seen or heard from Rachel.

 

She was alone and Rachel was free, that’s how it was supposed to be, right? 

 

So when the her cell phone rang, she watched the screen, eyes locked to the caller ID as she counted out the rings. One, two, three; it was an act of penance, the infliction of punishment, and the old habit of never picking up on the first ring. 

 

“What?” Quinn snapped as she picked up, but was met with silence. 

 

She waited a beat before saying, “Rachel?”

 

The continued silence wasn’t any more than she was used to at home, but it felt so much emptier. She could feel her own heart beating, hear her own breathing so loud.

 

“Rachel, you’re scaring the shit out of me. Say something,” she said. 

 

“Quinn,” Rachel choked out on the other end of the line, “Have you, uh, cast the new suitor yet?”

 

This was the closest thing to small talk either one had attempted in years and it made Quinn’s skin itch. The connection was bad, both the audio quality and the words spoken. 

 

“That’s not why you’re calling,” she said. It was a  statement, not a question. 

 

“Can’t I just want to talk about Everlasting?” Rachel asked. 

 

There was another beat of silence, then Quinn said, “Why are you calling Goldberg?” 

 

“I just wanted to talk,” Rachel’s voice had dropped in volume and Quinn closed her eyes, focusing on picking up Rachel’s almost inaudible words, “I missed you.” 

 

Quinn didn’t like feeling human. Mortality was a dirty mess of emotions and other shit, and after spending years watching what a fool it made of people, she knew it was only painful trouble. Emotions made for great tv, but not for great executive producers. 

 

But Rachel had somehow slipped past her defenses and tugged on heart strings Quinn thought she’d cut years ago. Messy, disastrous, oh-so human Rachel, made her feel like a person in a way that no one else did. It was intoxicating and terrifying all at once. 

 

“Where are you?” Quinn asked. 

 

“At the cabin.”

 

“I’ll be there in an hour,” the words were out of her mouth before she could think, a gut reaction to Rachel’s helpless tone. She hung up quickly, not giving Rachel any opportunity to refuse, and walked out the door. 

 

…

 

Forty five minutes later, the sun was setting, casting long shadows and warm beams of golden light across the floor. 

 

When she answered the knock at her door Rachel was met by Quinn, arms crossed, still in her typical armor of a tight dress and skyscraper heels. Rachel was her foil, clad in sweatpants and stocking feet. 

 

She stepped aside, letting Quinn enter, and watched as she immediately walked over to the table and dropped two folders there. 

 

“I’m going between two potential suitors,” she said without preamble and Rachel felt the tension between her shoulders relax. 

 

As Rachel joined her at the table to look over the headshots and psych evaluations of the possible suitors, Quinn made quick work of the bottle of wine and two glasses Rachel had left on the table. 

 

“Thoughts?” Quinn asked, handing Rachel a glass. 

 

“Vanessa,” Rachel pushed the headshot across the table, “Definitely Vanessa.”

 

“Because it went so well with Serena?” said Quinn rolling her eyes as she took a sip of wine, “Uhg, this is awful.”

 

“Look at what it says under sexuality and sexual preferences,” Rachel replied. 

 

“It says she just got out of a long term relationship, so what?”

 

“Yes, but it also says she’s  _ bisexual _ ,” Rachel leaned over Quinn’s shoulder to point at the word on the page, “Can you imagine? Everlasting’s first LGBT contestant! We- I mean you- could have both guys and girls competing for her; it would be twice the drama.”

 

“That is an interesting idea,” Quinn nodded, smiling at Rachel, “You still got it, Goldberg.”

 

“It’s only been two months,” 

 

“And how have you been doing?” Quinn asked, reaching Rachel’s face for the answer. Rachel forced herself to maintain eye contact, she was fine, she was proving to Quinn that she was fine and healing herself. Because if you told a lie enough times it came true, right?

 

“I’m great, Quinn,” she smiled, “Really.”

 

Quinn’s eyes narrowed a fraction before she took another sip of the cheap wine, “If you say so.”

 

Quinn’s phone rang, popping the bubble of tension that had been building between them. Rachel took another sip of wine, catching Chet’s name on screen as Quinn declined the call. 

 

“Work stuff?” Rachel asked. 

 

“No, just… bullshit,” Quinn slipped her phone into the bag, approached the couch Rachel had moved to sit on. 

 

She looked down at Rachel and the couch with a touch of disdain creasing her forehead, “Your couch looks flea infested.”

 

“It’s not, I swear,” Rachel punctuated this by scratching the back of her neck and Quinn laughed, sitting down next to her. 

 

The silence that followed was comfortable, and the familiar feeling of Quinn’s weight on the couch next to her was calming. The alcohol helped with that as well.

 

Quinn had taken off her heels and her blazer, reclining on the couch with her head back and her eyes closed. Rachel watched her as she sipped her own glass of wine. She watched as Quinn’s chest rose and fell as she breathed, the way the red wine had stained her lips a bloody color, different than her normal shade of lipstick. 

 

“What is it?” Quinn asked, her tone annoyed but not unkind, “I can feel you thinking.”

 

“It’s nothing,” said Rachel. 

 

“It’s not nothing. You called me for a reason so here I am, now spill,” Quinn set her empty glass on the floor then turned towards Rachel, crossing her arms and tucking one leg beneath herself. 

 

Between the glass of wine and Quinn’s intense gaze, Rachel lost her resolve. 

 

“Am I- are we- do you think of me as a daughter?” Rachel said in one fast, volley of words. She felt her face flush, heat spreading from her cheeks, down her neck. 

 

“What? Where the fuck did that come from?” 

 

“It’s just, Dr. Simon suggested that you may feel… maternal about me,” Rachel replied, looking away. 

 

“Dr. Simon? The man who put a secret video camera in your truck and stalked you?” Quinn said, “You actually listened to anything that creepy said?” 

 

Rachel shrugged weakly, “It’s just, not everything he said was bad, you know? That stuff about my mother? I feel so much better after cutting her out of my life. I just don’t know how much of what he said is wrong and how much…” 

 

“And how much is true?” Quinn finished. She sighed, “Rach, I don’t think of you as my kid. Not at all.”

 

Rachel chewed her lip, trying to believe Quinn and ignore the echoes of Dr. Simon's past words in her head. 

 

“He said maybe not consciously but-“ Rachel began. But then Quinn did the unexpected. She rose up on her knees, leaning over to brace herself with one hand on the arm on the couch and one hand cupping Rachel’s chin. With a single, fluid movement, Quinn kissed Rachel. 

 

Rachel melted into the kiss, parting her lips to let Quinn deepen the kiss. It was slow and affectionate, not at all how Rachel had imagined kissing Quinn would be. Quinn tasted like the wine they’d been drinking and Rachel felt like she was getting drunk off her lips. 

 

Just as Rachel’s lungs began to burn, Quinn pulled away, breaking their kiss but lingering still, their foreheads all but touching. 

 

“Not maternal,” she said, breathless, “Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Rachel whispered, feeling her eyes begin to go crossed as she stared up at Quinn. 

 

_ CRASH!  _ Both women jumped, Quinn jerking back, as a loud clatter could be heard from outside. 

 

“What are that?” said Rachel as she turned to look out the window. But squinting out into the dark woods, she couldn’t see anything and slumped back on the couch. 

 

“I guess it must have been an animal,” she said as Quinn stood to get herself more wine.

 

Rachel’s gaze lingered on Quinn’s figure as her kiss-addled mind tried to sort out what just happened. Quinn had kissed her. Quinn had kissed her with a soft passion that you couldn’t produce out of someone, no matter how many lies they were told. 

 

Then the cabin filled with light, followed by a rumble of thunder. Quinn and Rachel glanced at each other, then out the window as the skies opened up and a heavy rain poured out. 

 

Quinn brought the wine back to the couch, refilling Rachel’s glass, “I guess this means you’re stuck with me for the night, Goldie, because there’s no way my car’s making it back down those roads in this rain.” 

 

Rachel moved closer, breaking the don’t-touch-Quinn rule to lean against her shoulder. It was a soft, domestic moment that she let herself soak in as the rain soaked the dirt around her house. 

 

… 

 

Quinn scrubbed her face clean of make up, removing the last remnants of her armor in Rachel’s tiny but clean bathroom. She had picked an oversized tee shirt from Rachel’s drawers to wear to bed and it hung off one shoulder, barely grazing the tops of her thighs. 

 

She hadn’t planned to kiss Rachel, she just wanted to shut her up about that idiot shrink who had obviously fucked with her mind. Now, in the bright lights of the bathroom, she told herself not to think about it. 

 

Not to think about the little noise Rachel had made when their lips touched, or the way she tasted, sweet and sour just like her demeanor.  She told herself not to think about the way Rachel looked at her afterwards- which was how she looked at her most of the time anyway. 

 

Quinn reminded herself that it meant nothing, it couldn’t mean anything, not with Rachel leaving her for this place in the middle of nowhere. 

 

Rinsing out the washcloth, she hung it in the shower and unlocked the door. Stepping out, she saw Rachel, clad in pajama bottoms and a thin tank top, looking over the file about Vanessa again, while Quinn’s phone vibrated on the table. 

 

“He sent, like, fifty texts while you were in the bathroom,” Rachel said and Quinn looked at her phone. 

 

Chet. 

 

Of course. 

 

“I’m surprised you can even get service up here,” added Rachel, “Usually I have a hard time getting service. Seems to work for you though.” 

 

Quinn didn’t take the bait. Talking about Chet was the last thing she wanted to do, especially right before she joined Rachel in bed. 

 

Without her heels, Quinn stood several inches shorter than Rachel. As Rachel flipped through the pages of notes on Vanessa, Quinn took the change in angle as an opportunity to study her. Her eyes traced the slope of her throat to the freckle just below Rachel’s collarbone. Thinking about the smooth curve of her skin made Quinn dizzy; she wondered if it was from the wine. 

 

Rachel had seemed grow calmer the longer Quinn stayed, settling into a domestic air as she moved to set their wine glasses in the sink and recork what was left of the bottle of wine. 

 

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” Rachel said, “if that’s okay with you?”

 

“It’s your house,” Quinn shot back, “Do whatever you want.”

 

All the same, she joined Rachel in the bedroom, Rachel taking the right side since Quinn preferred the left. It wasn’t the first time they’d shared a bed, and Quinn doubted it would be the last. 

 

In bed, they lay side by side, listening to the rain pour outside. Rolling over, Quinn watched the storm that was behind Rachel’s dark eyes. Rachel reached across, fingertips brushing Quinn’s cheek as she brushed away a piece of hair from her face. Rachel’s touch felt like lightning, sparking through her skin, but Quinn was tired of being burned. 

 

Rolling away, Quinn pulled the blanket up to her chin and tried to sleep. 

 

...

 

Rachel’s bedroom was perfectly placed to fill with sunlight every morning. It stretched across the walls and across the quilt that covered her bed, and her and Quinn. 

 

Much to Rachel’s surprise and delight, she’d woken up to find Quinn’s head tucked against her shoulder and even as Rachel tried to untangle herself, Quinn’s arm tightened around her waist. So she settled for running her fingers through the older woman’s hair, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about the night before. 

 

Quinn had kissed her. Quinn had kissed her and suddenly her head felt clearer than it had ever been. It was like being pulled under ice cold water. Everything was Quinn. 

 

But had anything changed? Rachel was still Rachel and Quinn was still Quinn. For a brief moment Rachel thought there was something finally blooming between them when Quinn had cut it off short. 

 

Quinn yawned, stretching her arm out before settling against Rachel again. Rachel stilled, her hand still resting on Quinn’s head, and pretended that she was asleep. 

 

Moving gently, so as not to wake her, Quinn untangled herself from Rachel. Rachel could feel her linger for a moment above her, before she felt the weight shift on the bed and heard Quinn quietly leave the room. Minutes later, Rachel got up, grabbing a sweater as she walked out to the living room. But she was just in time to hear Quinn’s car start up and drive away, leaving only a note on the fridge. 


	2. anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the new season starts, Rachel has a surprise, and Quinn gets a letter.

No matter how many seasons she produced, the first day of shooting a new season never failed to feel like trial by fire. Contestants flying in from every direction, all wild cards despite Everlasting’s vetting, a confused and nervous suitor, and everyone with a new agenda different from the years past. 

 

And Quinn loved every second of it. 

 

Checking the time, Quinn poured herself a third glass of whiskey. The contestants were on route from the airport and their suitress was locked away in her rooms after a nearly blow out ten minutes ago. 

 

“It was in my contract that I could skate everyday!” Vanessa Lexington cried. 

 

“Well whoever told you that was wrong,” Quinn said, “From today until the finale you’re here, and you are ours.” 

 

“I am a skater! I need to skate!” 

 

“You are an ex ice fucking dancer who cost both her and her partner the gold metal because of doping, now if you want to save the shreds of your reputation or lack thereof, you will do everything I say,” Quinn narrowed her eyes as she stepped closer to Vanessa, “And I mean everything.” 

 

Vanessa had shut up after that, hanging her head in defeat but still glaring at Quinn through her eyelashes. She’d put on the dress though, a tight sequenced thing that shimmered with every move Vanessa made. 

 

Now back in her office, Quinn rolled her neck and took another drink. Rachel hadn’t returned, not that she was expecting her too after Quinn’s disappearing act. But Rachel was a hurricane and Quinn had slept one blissful night in the eye of the storm. 

 

“Girls are ten minutes out,” Jay said, sticking his head into her office, “Boys in fifteen.”

 

Quinn threw back the rest of her drink, slamming the glass down onto her desk next to a slim white envelope bearing her name. 

 

“Okay people!” She yelled into her walkie, “Let’s make shit happen!” 

 

…

 

“We are rolling in three, two-“ Quinn said into her walkie. She was standing in the control room, monitors on, people rushing in every which direction around her. 

 

Graham’s voice filled the speakers, “Everlasting, where both men and women have found true love-“

 

“What a bunch of shit,” Quinn muttered, glancing behind her. It was in that movement though, that she belatedly realized that there was no Rachel to share in her joke, just an empty chair and Jay giving her an odd look. 

 

“And tonight is no different,” Graham continued, “This season we’re going for the gold-“

 

Cue control room groans. 

 

“And finding our suitress her one true love.”

 

“Blah blah blah, let’s get to the wifies!” 

 

Onscreen, Graham was walking over to Vanessa, who was twisting her hands and smiling awkwardly at the camera. 

 

“Uhg she looks like a nerd! Someone sex her up!” Quinn barked into the walkie. 

 

But it was too late, the first car was pulling up. The camera zoomed in on the black tinted windows. Quinn held her breath and watched as the door opened and a silver high heeled shoe and dark blue dress emerged. 

 

“Wait what?” Chet’s voice cut through the moment, “We’re going lezzie this season? Who came up with  _ that _ idea?”

 

“Vanessa is bisexual,” Quinn said, arms crossed as she turned to address him, “What are you doing here anyway?” 

 

Chet was sitting in the empty chair and Quinn could feel her her blood pressure rise as soon as she heard his voice. Her face flushed and it wasn’t from the alcohol. 

 

“I’m still an executive producer!” He said with a shrug, “So this season is all homo?” 

 

The room was suddenly too hot. Quinn felt sharp pricking across the back of her neck as her defenses went up. For one terrifying moment, all she could think of was the taste of Rachel’s lips and feeling of her hands in her hair. Then autopilot kicked in and she rolled her eyes. 

 

“It is not ‘all homo,’” said Quinn with air quotes, “There are male contestants too. That’s what bisexual means, genius, two.”

 

“Actually, the definition of bisexual has changed to mean two or more genders so to include more than just the gender binary,” Jay piped up. 

 

Quinn gestured to Jay, “See? More genders mean more drama which means good tv!”

 

“Was this Fiona’s idea?” 

 

“Hey Quinn,” Madison said, “I think you might want to see this?”

 

Everyone turned to the screen, where the first male contestant was exiting his car. He looked from Vanessa to the blonde woman standing off to the side and did a double take. 

 

“Wait,” He said, eyes flicking to the camera, “What’s going on? Who’s she?”

 

“Troy Tremblay, centerman from the Alaska Caribou. He was fined ten thousand dollars for making homophobic slurs against an ex teammate,” Madison read from his file, “He’s one of mine.” 

 

“Oh god, Quinn, you didn’t,” Jay groaned. 

 

Onscreen, Graham said, “This is your competition, why don’t you introduce yourself to our lovely suitress, who’s heart you’re trying to win.”

 

“How is  _ she _ my competition?” Troy asked, then a camera zoomed in on his face as realization dawned, “Wait…”

 

“Hi, I’m Vanessa,” Vanessa offered her hand to him, “And as you might have just figured out, I’m bisexual.” 

 

Troy just stared at her hand in horror for what felt like forever. 

 

“And cut! Okay, let’s get some more contestants out there!” Quinn yelled over her walkie before turning turning to Chet, “See what I mean? Twice the drama!” 

 

… 

 

Finally after twenty-seven more introductions, they were down to their last contestant. Quinn leaned back in her chair, ready to move onto the next phase of the night, but there was a nagging sense of something being missing. They’d introduced plenty of interesting contestants, both male and female, but aside from Homophobic Troy- as they were now calling him- nothing had popped. 

 

“Look alive people, we have one more!” She barked into her walkie before turning back to the control room, “Who’s this last one?” 

 

“Autumn Capstone,” a vaguely familiar voice read from the back of the room, “She owns a cupcake shop in Kincade, Washington. And is getting over a bad breakup with her last girlfriend.” 

 

Jay and Madison glanced at each other in confusion. The voice had come from a tall red haired woman sitting in the dark corner that had once occupied both Dr. Waggerstein and Dr. Simon. She glanced up at them and pushed her glasses up.

 

“At least, that’s what my file says,” she added. 

 

“This is Dr. James,” Quinn said, waving a hand in her direction, “Our new shrink provided by Fiona- Wait, what the hell?”

 

Quinn interrupted herself as she stood up and leaned towards the monitors. Instead of a heartbroken cupcake baker stepping out of the car, a suit clad man emerged. His dark hair was tousled and his smile stunning- until he saw Vanessa. 

 

Vanessa’s jaw dropped as soon as she saw the mystery man, her face flushing, “Mike? What the- what are you doing here?” 

 

“Yes, what is he doing here?” Quinn demanded, “And who is Mike?” 

 

Mike didn’t look happy either, “Did you do this?” 

 

“Who is responsible for this?” Quinn’s set was suddenly out of her control and she despised it with every fiber of her being. 

 

“No! I had no clue you were here!” Vanessa was saying on screen, “You haven’t been returning my calls or texts or anything!” 

 

“Wait, do they know each other?”

 

“That is Michael Concord,” Rachel said and everyone whipped around in surprise, “Vanessa’s skating partner. They haven’t seen each other since their gold medals were revoked. You’re welcome.”

 

“But Autumn was my girl!” Madison whined.

 

“Autumn reconciled with her girlfriend and was going to tell Vanessa that she was dropping out tonight so I did you a favor,” Rachel snapped. 

 

With quick strides, Quinn crossed the room and was standing toe to toe with Rachel. Rachel’s cocky attitude dissolved as Quinn narrowed her eyes. It was all she could do to keep herself from grabbing the lapel of Rachel’s blazer, whether it was to shake her or kiss her, she didn’t know. 

 

Instead, she hissed, “I am going to fix this little stunt of yours while you better be waiting in my office when I get back. No running off.”

 

“I’m not the one who runs away, Quinn,” Rachel said, calmer than Quinn had ever seen her. 

 

Pressing a hand to Rachel’s chest, Quinn roughly pushed her out of the way and walked out of the control room. 

 

… 

 

With both Quinn and Rachel gone from the control room, Madison turned to Dr. James. 

 

“Do I know you?” She asked, giving her the once over. 

 

“Oh I don’t think so!” Dr. James said with a smile, “I just moved here from Maine.” 

 

“You seem familiar,” replied Madison, then shook her head and returned the smile, “You must just have one of those faces.”

 

Dr. James nodded, “I get that a lot. You’re Madison right? You can call me Allison, Dr. James is so formal and I save it for my patients.”

 

“Nice to meet you Allison. Have you seen my pilot, Hashtag Adulting? It aired last week.”

 

“No but I’ll have to check it out,” Allison said, then leaned in, “Hey, you seem on top of things, what with your pilot and all. Can I ask you something?” 

 

“Sure,” 

 

“I heard the other two psychologists on here got fired, what did they do? I just want to be sure I don’t make the same mistake,” said Allison. 

 

“Well, I’m not really supposed to tell you this,” Madison whispered consportally, “But Dr. Waggerstein murdered a couple people, and Dr. Simon was stalking Rachel.”

 

“Oh wow,” Allison breathed.

 

“So as long as you’re not stalking anyone or planning a murder I think you’ll be good,” said Madison, “Oh and don’t get on Quinn’s bad side.” 

 

…

 

Rachel resigned herself to Quinn’s office. She sat on the couch, slouching, feeling a bit like a wayward student in the principal’s office. 

 

_ She doesn’t want you here, she doesn’t want you here, she doesn’t want you here, _ repeated over and over in Rachel’s mind in a nagging voice that sounded much like her own. 

 

_ If she did,  _ the voice added,  _ She wouldn’t have left without saying good bye, she would have called or texted or said something all these months. She’d have asked you back, instead of leaving a cryptic note.  _

 

She pushed aside the thoughts and tried one of the breathing exercises her dog eared self help books had recommended. It quelled her nerves for a moment, just long enough for Quinn to burst through the glass doors, wild and angry. 

 

Rachel’s breath caught in her throat, Quinn never looked more beautiful than when her eyes were lit up with the fire of a fight burning behind them. She slammed the walkie talkie down onto her desk. 

 

“What the fuck was that, Rachel?” Quinn demanded, “If you’re going to go rogue, at least have the decency to give me some warning! Don’t you ever,  _ ever _ , make me look like an idiot in from of the crew again!”

 

Rachel pushed herself up, off the couch, walked over to Quinn, and kissed her. Her hands went to Quinn’s waist, pulling her in, and, miracle or miracles, Quinn kissed her back. 

 

The kiss was slow and deep, tasting like whiskey and adrenaline, but as they parted, Quinn grasped Rachel’s jaw in a vice like grip. 

 

“Is that why you’re here?” She asked, lips curling into a sneer, “Back to scratch an itch? Or is this a post producing high?” 

 

With her other hand, Quinn roughly wiped her lipstick off Rachel’s mouth. 

 

“I just thought-“ Rachel managed as she felt tears spring to her eyes. 

 

“Thought what? That whatever happened at your cabin meant something? Well guess what? It didn’t,” Quinn said, “Now if you still want your job, stop thinking with your clit, get out there and convince Vanessa not to cut your little wild card. Understood?”

 

Rachel nodded the best she could while still in Quinn’s grasp. 

 

“Good.”

 

… 

 

After the elimination ceremony, Quinn poured herself another glass of whisky and pulled the thin envelope out of her pocket. It was crumpled from the evenings activities, but still whole with her name neatly typed on the front. With her knife sharp letter opener, she cut open the envelope. 

 

Opening the perfectly folded sheet of paper, three black and white photos fell out. 

 

First, a photo of when she kissed Rachel on the couch, taken from the window outside. It was the image of passion but looking at their private moment caught on film made Quinn feel sick. 

 

The second photo was also through a window, but it was from the morning after with Quinn curled around Rachel, her head on Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel was awake in the photo, looking down at Quinn as she touched her hair. 

 

Quinn felt cold, suddenly sober as she turned over the last photo. 

 

It wasn’t as compromising as the other two, but it was of Rachel pulling her hair back into a ponytail, completely oblivious that she was being watched. 

 

Barely breathing, Quinn turned over the letter. 

 

_ Hickory dickory dock, _

_ Quinn King worked ‘round the clock, _

_ Making wives _

_ Ruining lives  _

_ Hickory dickory dock _

 

_ Hickory dickory dare, _

_ Who’d have thought she’d care? _

_ For someone else _

_ Beside herself  _

_ Feelings for Rachel you bare _

 

_ Hickory dickory strife _

_ I’ll cut her with a knife _

_ You’ll watch her die _

_ Maybe cry  _

_ Before I end your life _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey I’m also on tumblr at regardstosoulandromance if you want to hit me up there. also the next chapter won't be as fast since I started it tonight, then deleted it because I didn't like how it was going. hopefully soon though!


	3. wish I could tell you that I want you more than that, but this is not a love song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Quinn contemplates, lines are drawn, Rachel chats with Vanessa, and Madison doesn't produce a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: for homophobic/biphobic language

Quinn hadn’t slept all night. She’d tried, curled up on her office couch at three am, to get what little rest she could before filming started again, but sleep was allusive. 

 

As soon as she’d slip into a slumber, she’d see Rachel. It was the same heart pounding dream over and over again. Rachel, asleep on her arms, and Quinn, trailing her fingers across her cheek. She’d let her touch move to Rachel’s throat, where her hand would come up wet and sticky, covered in blood. Then Rachel’s eyes were open, blank and dead as a scream froze in Quinn’s throat. 

 

She’d wake up with a jolt, only five minutes later and repeated the process several times before giving up. 

 

Quinn’s hands shook as she poured herself another glass of whiskey. All she could think about was Rachel. Rachel’s fingertips circling her waist, the taste of her kiss, her sure confidence that Quinn wanted to be kissed as much as Rachel wanted to kiss her. 

 

She hadn’t been wrong. 

 

But Quinn wasn’t Chet, she couldn’t just fuck her second in command and pretend like it was nothing. It was Rachel. 

 

Throwing back her drink in one go, Quinn willed the alcohol to dull her emotions. She wanted to stop feeling like a rose was blooming in her chest, with its soft petals hiding sharp thorns underneath that cut deeper than expected. 

 

Now there was that inane letter to worry about, the threat, the photos…

 

It wasn’t the first time Quinn had gotten a death threat, there were always people who thought that their heartbreak was her fault, but this one felt realer, more personal. It wasn’t blackmail, it was just a threat. 

 

Plus there were the photos. She couldn’t look at them without feeling sick, so they were locked in a drawer. But the fact of the matter was that someone had the dedication to follower her into the woods and wait for hours to capture the perfectly incriminating shots. 

 

In the wrong hands the photos could break their careers. Maybe men could get away with shit like this most of the time, but Quinn? Even with Gary gone, Quinn was still felt like she was on a tightrope. Ratings had been good last season but not amazing, not suicide ratings; she wasn’t totally safe. 

 

All Quinn wanted to do was to go to Rachel’s trailer and curl up on that horrible, tiny cot next to her and sleep for three days. She wanted to listen to Rachel’s heartbeat and feel her breathing. 

 

Pressing the heels of her hands against her eyelids, Quinn groaned, trying to quell her racing thoughts. She took a deep breath. She had a show to produce. 

 

… 

 

Rachel fell asleep quickly and woke up groggy, with mascara tear trails on her face. There hasn’t been enough time between the end of shooting and the start of the next day’s work for Rachel to even think about driving an hour to get home, so in her trailer she stayed. 

 

She checked her face in the hand mirror she’d thrown in her bag the day before. Rachel expected to see fingerprint-like bruises circling her jaw but Quinn’s grip hadn’t left any visible marks. She wished it had. She wished Quinn could see the pain her rejection had inflicted. 

 

Instead, she wiped away her mascara tears on the back of her sleeve, pulling her hair into a messy bun as she quickly changed. 

 

But the bad memories that stained the walls of her home away from home held felt like dirt on her skin. Pulling up the door of the trailer, she filled the musty interior with already too bright sunshine. 

 

Rachel was surprised to find a very sturdy looking man in black standing outside her truck. After giving him the once over, she approached him. 

 

“Hey there,” she said, having to shade her eyes and tilt her head back to see his face. 

 

He made no reply. 

 

“Whatchya doing here?” 

 

“Ms. King has instructed me to monitor anyone going and coming from this truck,” he replied. 

 

“So you’re security?” 

 

“Yes ma’am,” he said. 

 

Rachel made a face, confusion etching her features as she looked him over again. It was obvious to her that he was just a yes-man, and she wasn’t going to get anything useful from him. 

 

With a backwards glance, she walked off towards the control room, via craft services. 

 

… 

 

Quinn kept her eyes focused on the board of contestants as Rachel slipped in. She felt her presence, like a sonar beep, beep, beeping as Rachel got closer in proximity. 

 

“Rachel, so glad you could join us,” Quinn said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “While you were enjoying your beauty sleep, I was getting a head start on fixing your little stunt.”

 

“If you don’t want me here I can leave,” Rachel snapped, “You're the one who told me when filming started again.” 

 

“You can have Vanessa,” Quinn said, ignoring Rachel’s comment, “Since she hates me so much, maybe she’ll like you better, especially after you brought her ex dance partner and rumored ex boyfriend on set.”

 

Rachel crossed her arms and leaned against one of the desks, “Who are the wifeys?” 

 

“Kara, Jillian, James, and,” Quinn paused, “Mike.”

 

Madison tried to argue for another one of her girls, but Quinn wasn’t listening. Instead, when she turned to glance over her shoulder, Rachel was staring at her. 

 

“Their fan base has been wanting them together for years, it’ll bring the views. You brought him here, we might as well use the meat puppet for ratings. Why don’t you go talk Vanessa into kissing him? Because you’re so good at that.”

 

“That’s not fair,” Rachel said through gritted teeth. They both knew that Quinn wasn’t talking about producing and by the look on Rachel’s face, she’d managed to strike her mark. 

 

“Oh come on,” Quinn rolled her eyes, “I’m complimenting you on your  _ job _ , now go do it!” 

 

And just as she’d turned to look at Rachel, she looked away, not wanting to see her wipe her eyes on the back of her sleeve as she went to go find Vanessa. 

 

… 

 

Some days, Rachel believed that Quinn should have been a surgeon. She had the stomach for gore, eyes like an X-ray seeing through Rachel in an instant, and the words that formed between her lips cut like a knife. They went past her skin, beneath her ribs, and straight to her heart, leaving her feeling gutted more often than not. 

 

Her fingernails were too short to leave half moon cuts on her palms, so as she walked she clenched her fists as tight as possible without fear of drawing blood. 

 

Quinn had a way of cutting through her. They were too alike, understood each other too well, to escape it. And while Rachel usually used her words like a needle,injecting her desires straight into people’s bloodstream, Quinn welded them like a sword, cutting down anyone in her way. 

 

_ It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair _ , Rachel repeated over and over again in her mind,  _ I didn’t talk her into kissing me, she did it herself, she  _ wanted  _ to.  _

 

The idea that anyone could produce Quinn into something she didn’t want was laughable, and somewhere, in the deep redresses of Rachel’s mind, she knew that, but it didn’t make the insinuation hurt any less. 

 

Reaching the door to the suitresses suit, Rachel knocked lightly, “Vanessa?”

 

“It’s open!” called a voice from the inside. 

 

Opening the door and stepping in, Rachel found Vanessa Lexington on the floor doing sit-ups on a yoga mat. 

 

Rachel raised her eyebrows. She didn’t think Vanessa looked like she needed to work out at all, not the based on the way her cropped workout top showed off her abs. Her gaze was momentarily drawn there though, as Vanessa finished her workout. 

 

“You’re not Quinn,” Vanessa said once she’d finished. She laid on her back for a moment to catch her breath before getting up and offering a hand, “I’m Vanessa. I guess you already knew that.” 

 

“Rachel,” she said as she shook Vanessa’s hand, “I’m a producer here on Everlasting as well. Quinn sent me to chat with you before we shoot.”

 

Vanessa bit her lip, “Quinn isn’t coming?” 

 

“No, she said you two had a difference of opinion and thought I might be better suited to work with you.” 

 

“Oh no,” Vanessa’s face dropped, “she’s mad at me isn’t she? I was going to apologize for yelling yesterday, everything was just so overwhelming.”

 

Rachel reached out to touch her arm, “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it, the first day is always chaotic. There might be something you can do to make it up to Quinn though.” 

 

“Really? What is it? I really want to make this work. It’s kind of my last chance, you know?” 

 

“So the thing is,” Rachel guided them both to sit on the bench at the end of the bed, “Quinn was pretty upset about yesterday. But I think she’d really like it if you kissed someone today.”

 

“Like a peck on the cheek? I can do that.”

 

“That would be nice,” Rachel said, adding some hesitation to her tone. She dragged out the last word, glancing down. 

 

“Isn’t that good enough?” Vanessa asked, concern written all throughout her features. 

 

“It’s just if you really want to show Quinn that you’re dedicated to this, you might want to really go for it. Like pick your favorite and give them a really romantic kiss,” Rachel carefully watched Vanessa’s reaction. 

 

“But I hardly know any of these people, I don’t have a favorite yet!”

 

“What about Mike? I mean you know him already, and I’ve seen the skating routines you guys have done- it gets pretty hot and heavy,” Rachel patted Vanessa’s leg before standing up, “Why don’t you think about while you get ready okay? I’ll see you out there in twenty?”

 

“Okay, yeah, yeah I’ll think about it.”

 

“Great! This would really mean a lot to Quinn,” Rachel said, flashing Vanessa a smile as she closed the door behind her. 

 

Outside, the familiar din felt like white noise to Rachel. She wove in and out of crew, ducking mic booms and dodging faceless crew members. The absence of Jeremy was a welcome feeling. With him gone, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she couldn’t stand up straight yet, but she was lighter. 

 

Slipping mostly unnoticed through the crew, she found Madison conducting a group interview with a handful of the men. Rachel leaned against one of the pillars, listening as the younger producer tried to draw reactions from the group of brawny men, Michael Concord included. 

 

“Do did you feel last night went?” Asked Madison, “Why don’t you start James?” 

 

“I felt like everything went really well,” James said with a smile, “Vanessa is a really great woman and I think it’s great that she’s confident enough in her sexuality to be doing this.”

 

“What do you mean?” Madison prompted. 

 

“I’m bisexual as well,” James shrugged, “so it's great to see someone like me represented on an iconic tv show like this.” 

 

Troy Tremblay’s lip twitched, and slight movement didn’t escape Rachel’s watchful eye. She leaned over to one of the camera men. 

 

“Hey zoom in on Troy, okay?” She whispered. 

 

Madison missed the subtle flicker of expression though, and moved on with her line of questioning, “How about you Ritchie? What did you think about stepping out of that limo to see your competition?” 

 

“I was kinda confused, I’d seen a Vanessa in photos and on tv and stuff but when I saw all these girls it threw me,” said Ritchie, “but after that it was cool. Vanessa and me, we hit it off.”

 

“That’s so great!” Madison smiled and Rachel rolled her eyes. This interview was a snore fest and Quinn obviously wasn’t in the control room, otherwise she’d be yelling over that walkie so loud that it would be pointless, Madison would be able to hear her without it. 

 

Rachel grabbed a PA, “Count to fifty, then go get Vanessa, okay?” 

 

With her plan set in motion, Rachel directed one of the other cameras to point at Mike. He already had his arms crossed and was glaring around the circle. 

 

“Hey Troy,” Rachel stepped behind Madison, earning herself a glare that she waved off, “I’m sure a guy like you had some thoughts on Vanessa’s sexuality, right? I mean, you were the first man she met, after Ashley of course. You looked pretty surprised.” 

 

“That was a dirty trick not telling us she’s a- a- you know! One of those!” Snarled Troy, his face turning red. 

 

James shook his head, getting up to storm off. One of the cameras left to follow. 

 

“And there’s both guys and girls here, it’s a lot,” Rachel nudged. 

 

“It’s greedy that’s what it is,” Troy said angrily, “Someone needs to show her what a real man is and then she’ll forget all about liking women.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Mike said, “And that is definitely not how being bi works.” 

 

“Oh please, you’re too much of a girly man to know,” Troy fired back, standing up, “you with your tights and ice skating, you’re probably not man enough to try to fuck her, right?” 

 

“Do not talk about her like that,” Mike’s voice was low and gruff as he stood. 

 

“Guys, guys, let’s try to calm down,” Ritchie said, holding up his hands, but no one was paying attention. Instead the swarm of camera crew were documenting every second from every angle. 

 

Rachel grabbed Madison by the arm and pulled her out of fist swinging range while glancing behind her. The PA had just arrived with Vanessa in tow. 

 

“Get her!” Rachel hissed at one of the camera crew, nodding towards a shocked looking Vanessa. 

 

“What’s the matter, pretty boy? Sparkly tights in a bunch because I’m going to fuck your carpet munching girlfriend?” Troy taunted. 

 

“I said don’t talk about her like that!” Mike swung, hitting Troy right in his stupid mouth. 

 

Troy staggered back before turning and swinging at Mike. But Mike was expecting it, dodging and letting him tilt, off balance towards to couches. Mike shoved him. 

 

“Security! We need security by the pool!” Madison cried as Ritchie tried to get between Mike and Troy. 

 

But Troy had been embarrassed and he was out for blood. Pushing Ritchie aside he swung at Mike and connected, fist to jaw. Vanessa screamed. Behind Rachel there was a crater of heels as Quinn ran up to join them. 

 

“What the fuck?” Quinn wrapped a hand around Rachel’s wrist, asking her specifically. 

 

“Just watch,” Rachel grinned. She felt Quinn relax her grasp, but not quite let go, fingertips pressed against her tattoo. Rachel’s heartbeat fluttered beneath the ink; she was high on producing and the warmth of Quinn’s touch. 

 

“Stop! Stop it!” Vanessa cried as Ritchie and some crew men pulled Troy and Mike apart. 

 

“Nessie!” Mike gasped. 

 

“He attacked me!” Troy tried but Vanessa glared at him. 

 

“I heard enough to know that he was provoked,” Vanessa replied with her head held high. She glanced ever so quickly at Quinn and Rachel before stepping closer to Mike. With a tilt of her head and the arch of her neck, Vanessa kissed Mike, a slow and gentle kiss. 

 

Rachel felt Quinn’s grip tighten as she watched Vanessa and Mike kiss. 

 

When they parted, Mike looked more shell shocked then when Troy had gotten a punch in. 

 

Troy pulled away from Ritchie and with a grunt, stormed off. Cameras followed and a slamming door could be heard moments later. 

 

Meanwhile, Vanessa was carefully looking over Mike’s face as he stared at her as if she was a total stranger, and not his skating partner of fifteen years. Vanessa’s face was flushed, but Rachel knew she’d look pretty and pink on camera. 

 

“You did this,” It wasn’t a question, more an excited accusation. Quinn had the hint of a smile on her face. 

 

“Good job Goldie,” she added, her gaze dropping to Rachel’s mouth of a moment before she dropped Rachel’s wrist and walked off. 

 

… 

 

Madison walked across the mansion grounds to an empty set of pool loungers. With sharp motions, she pulled out her earpiece, snatched up a pillow, and held it to her face, screaming as long as she could into it. 

 

Her hands dug into the polyester as she savored her moment of unbridled frustration. The pillow narrowed her world to a warm, black void instead of the spiraling insanity that was Everlasting. 

 

When her lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen, Madison lowered the pillow and took a breath before wiping her face. 

 

It was only after she’d finished fixing her face, that Madison turned around to see Jay. 

 

“Uh, what was that?” He asked. 

 

“Nothing. Just blowing off some steam after  _ someone _ trampled all over  _ my _ group interview,” Madison said with a toss of her hair. 

 

Jay rolled his eyes, “Yeah Rachel will do that. Listen, your girls are looking for you and after the fight, Quinn wants some girl on girl action.” 

 

“I thought that’s why she kept Rachel around,” Madison’s voice was dripping with sarcasm as they walked towards the girls’ side of the mansion. 

 

Jay snorted with laughter, “Cute.” 

 

“I did offer to go down on her once,” she said it breezily as they walked, like it was a normal piece of information to share between friends. 

 

“Who, Rachel?”

 

“No, ew! Quinn!” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but who cared about that anymore? It rolled off her tongue as easy as saying  _ I’m fine, how about you?  _

 

“Wait, What?” Jay turned and stopped Madison, lowering his voice, “When?”

 

“After she caught me and Chet, you know,” Madison wiggles her shoulders in lieu of explaining what she and Chet had gotten up too. 

 

“Oh my god,” Jay half gasped, half laughed, “What did she say?”

 

Madison shrugged, “She said no. She wasn’t particularly against it though, she just wanted me to sue Chet more I think. Her loss.”

 

“You little slut!” Jay cried and they both laughed. 


	4. but she burns like rum on fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which rachel is jealous, quinn and chet yell, rachel makes some plans, and quinn is jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i passed the 10,000 word mark! whoooo

Rachel walked back to the control room on Quinn’s heels, but Quinn was already shutting herself in her office when Rachel got there. The rush from producing dissipated faster than normal, leaving her hungry for more. 

 

She tried to turn her attention to the board of contestants, aiming to pick another target, when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It was Chet, letting himself into Quinn’s office and closing the door behind him. 

 

The sight made Rachel feel ill. Chet was the ever present constant in Quinn’s life aside from Rachel herself, for better and worse. He was an idiot, but for reasons she never understood, Quinn went back to him again and again. Even now, even when Quinn could be rid of him, there he was, blowing up her phone and in her office.

 

She wasn’t above admitting her was jealous. So what? That jealousy spread through her like a chill, from her shoulders down her spine, leaving her cold. 

 

Rachel longed to be the one with her hand on the small of Quinn’s back. In her fantasies, Quinn’s shoulders didn’t tense the way she did when Chet touched her like that. Rachel wanted to be the one with the pet names, no more ‘kiddo’, and the one who would get Quinn off in her office after an excellent day of producing. Her eyes lingered on the closed door for a second longer.

 

Crossing her arms tightly across her chest, she tried to refocus on the board, when a certain contestant’s photo jumped out at her. Rachel reached out, fingers touching the edge of the glossy print. Then she searched through the contestant fact sheets until she found what she needed. The page fluttered in her hands as Rachel walked back out to set as fast as she could, her half formed plan quickly gaining clarity. 

 

… 

 

Quinn glanced up, expecting to see Rachel, wild eyed and flushed with a post-producing high, but instead was met by Chet. 

 

Her shoulders tightened, pulling back to sit up straighter. Chet was persistent, texting and calling and trying to catch a moment with her on set. He said he just wanted to talk. 

 

“You can’t avoid me forever,” he said.

 

“I’m working.”

 

“C’mon Quinn, I just want to talk,” Chet took a seat on the couch, patting the place next to him to try to draw her over,, “I want to know what happened-” 

 

For a single, cold, horrifying moment she thought he knew about the letter- about Rachel. 

 

“-the night you came to my house,” he finished. 

 

Quinn shit her eyes involuntary and sighed. Getting Chet involved in the whole mess was the last thing she needed. He’d want to shut down filming, or worse, he’d want her off the set. Chet wasn’t homophobic per say, he wasn’t violently so at least, but for as well as she knew Chet, she didn’t know how he’d react to whatever she and Rachel were. 

 

_ Boss and employee. Mentor and mentee. Friends. Almost lovers. Nothing.  _ Something. 

 

The back of her neck prickled with unexplainable heat. Just the thought of having to put it into words made her feel more vulnerable than she’d felt in years. It was like saying “I love you” for the first time but a hundred times more intense. 

 

She weighed her options, choosing the path of least resistance as she got up to join him on the couch. She could stop this now, take the time to have one simple it’s-not-me-it’s-you conversation and be done. 

 

But as she sat down, Chet took both her hands in his, “I want to know what I did wrong.” 

 

“What?”

 

“The night you came to my house, you left so fast I must have did something wrong. Now you’ve been avoiding me. If we’re going to make this relationship work, communication is key,” he said, “I read a book about how women need love and men need respect. But it also talks about how we communicate differently, it’s like I’m talking out of a blue megaphone and you’re hearing it through pink headphones.”

 

Quinn stared at him for a long moment. 

 

Pulling her hands from his grasp she shook her head, “No, there’s no us, there’s no relationship to make work. I should never came had come to your house is the first place.” 

 

“What? But Quinnie-“

 

“No, whatever you thought that night meant, it didn’t,” she pushed off the couch, “It was just sex, Chet, it didn’t mean anything.” 

 

She sounded like a broken record. It was meaningless sex Chet, that kiss meant nothing to me Rachel, nothing mattered, she didn’t feel anything, it wasn’t real. 

 

She wanted a drink. 

 

“So you just used me for sex?” The way he said it made her choke back a laugh. 

 

“Yes, I used you for sex because it was easy, just like did the exact same fucking thing to me for eight years!” 

 

“That was different and you know it,” Chet snapped, “it was more than that.” 

 

“Right, of course! It wasn’t just sex, it was my ideas too, for this whole show!” Quinn spun around throwing her hands up in the air, “God, Chet, can I just do my job?” 

 

“Sure, fine, you know what? You do that, since this job is all you care about,” Chet said as he stormed out. 

 

The glass doors rattled as he slammed them, leaving Quinn to her glass, her thoughts, and her work. 

 

… 

 

“So, tell me about yourself, what drew you to Everlasting?” Rachel asked and Catherine tilted her head, glancing off into the distance as she composed her thoughts.

 

From the glossy headshot Rachel had found tacked on the board, she knew that Catherine was beautiful with her shoulder length honey blonde hair and icy blue eyes- but in person she absolutely stunning at forty-three. 

 

Rachel had found her milling around by the pool, not quite with the group of other girls who were chatting. The girls were bikini clad, debating whether or not to get into the pool while Catherine was wearing a light blouse and perfectly pressed capris. 

 

Picking up a flute of champagne as she walked, Rachel has offered it to the statuesque older woman. Catherine took it, regarding Rachel as she took a sip. She seemed to recognize Rachel, but didn’t say anything about it, only flashing her a small smile and agreeing to be interviewed. 

 

Now they sat in a quiet area, champagne glass refilled, with cameras rolling. 

 

“How’d a nice girl like me end up in a place like this?” Catherine quipped as she took a drink. Rachel laughed, obligingly. 

 

“Between modeling and running my own company, I don’t go out much,” Catherine said, “I’m not one for the dating apps or emojis, I prefer getting to know someone the old fashion way- on a reality tv show.”

 

“And what do you think of Vanessa? It looked like you two had a real connection last night,” Rachel prompted. 

 

“Vanessa is a doll. I’ve been following her skating career for ages and her obvious ambition is breathtakingly attractive,” Catherine smiled for a moment before saying, “We didn’t get very long to talk last night, though, just a few words in passing.” 

 

“Vanessa said she wants to get to know you better,” lied Rachel.

 

“Oh that’s good,” Catherine shot the camera a flirty look, “I want to get to know her better as well, much,  _ much _ better.” 

 

Rachel smiled, Catherine was a natural at working the camera, and a lot of what she was saying would make excellent sound bites. But she had more planned for her. 

 

“Are you worried about your age being an issue? You are the oldest of the women competing.”

 

Catherine waved off the question, “Maybe if I was competing for a man I’d be worried, but no I don’t think my age will be an issue at all.” 

 

“What I am worried about,” she leaned forward, “Is that fight everyone is talking about.” 

 

“That’s not anything to worry about,” Rachel replied calmly, “We have plenty of security and out psychology is talking to the people involved. We have it handled.”

 

“Oh good,” the coquettish smile returned as Catherine sat back, “what are your other questions for me?”

 

“No other questions,” Rachel stood, motioning to the crew to stop rolling, “i just wanted to let you know that it doesn’t matter what the other contestants are saying, I think Vanessa really likes you.”

 

Catherine pause, “What are the others saying?” 

 

“I’m not really supposed to spread stuff around but people are wondering your real reasons for being here. One of the girls heard your company’s stocks aren’t doing as well as normal and thought maybe this is a publicity thing,” Rachel said. 

 

“What? That’s ridiculous,” Catherine replied, “The market ebbs and flows and we’ll be back on top in no time.” 

 

“You want some advice?” 

 

“Of course, you’ve been around this game for a while,” 

 

“Just make sure Vanessa knows you’re here for her and not anything else, okay?” 

 

… 

 

Quinn had succeeded. She’d managed to alienate the two people in her life that made her feel human. She’d taken the sticky mess of emotions and pushed it aside, telling them that she didn’t love, that she didn’t feel, that the rumors were true, she really was a heartless bitch. 

 

She’d convinced Rachel and Chet, now if she could only convince herself. 

 

She rubbed her eyes, slumped forward with her elbows on her desk. It was only the second day of filming and she wanted to leave, disappear to L.A. and not look back. The tension stretched through her limbs like taunt ropes, knotted and pulling her tight. 

 

“Uh, Quinn?” Madison opened the door a crack, leaning in but keeping most of the door between her and Quinn, like a shield, “There’s kind of a problem. Rachel said not to get you but I thought-”

 

“What is it?” Quinn was out of her chair and across the room in a heartbeat.

 

“It’s one of the girls,” Madison replied and Quinn breathed a sigh of relief, “She says she’s …. Straight.”

 

“What?”

 

Quinn followed Madison out to a private area of the mansion, where Rachel had been filming with Kara. Kara was twirling a piece of her honey-blonde hair around her finger, looking shared and sheepish, while Rachel leaned forward, hands on her knees and tried to talk her. She straightened when Quinn and Madison joined them.

 

“I told you I could handle it, Madison,” she said, rolling her eyes.

 

“Everything was going great,” Madison said, “Until I mentioned maybe kissing Vanessa on the one on one- I mean  _ if  _ you have a one on one, Kara.”

 

“You said on your application that you’re bisexual,” Quinn reminded Kara. She stared down at her, arms crossed.

 

“I know! I thought I could make myself be with a girl but like, I don’t know,” Kara shook her head, “Yeah, like girls are pretty and all that, but I don’t know if I feel it?”

 

“Sexuality is so fluid these days,” Quinn said, “Why don’t you try getting to know Vanessa and see where it leads. Maybe you’ll fall in love.”

 

“I’ve only ever been with guys!” Kara wailed, “What if I do something wrong?”

 

Rachel sat down next to Kara, taking one of her hands in hers, “Just look at me okay?”

 

Kara bit her lip and nodded, giving Rachel her full attention. Quinn pulled her shoulders back, annoyed with the whole thing. She hated that Kara lied to her, hated that her wifey turned into a  sniveling  mess, hated that Rachel was looking at her like Kara was the only person in the world. 

 

“Everything is going to be okay,” Rachel said calmly, with her free hand she tucked a piece of Kara’s hair behind her ear, “Just take a deep breath. You can do this.”

 

Kara nodded, licking her lips. 

 

Quinn’s heart rate spiked. Her breath was coming in short, jagged takes. 

 

“You trust me right?” Rachel asked and Kara nodded again. Rachel gave her a soft smile, tilting her head slightly.

 

“You’re so pretty Kara, you’re perfect and Vanessa is going to love you,” she said, leaning closer, “You can do this, you’re my girl okay?”

 

Quinn flushed, her own words thrown back in her face as she watched Rachel lean forward and gently kiss Kara. Her jaw went slack but she couldn’t tear her gaze away, and just stared in sick fascination. 

 

Kara gasped as Rachel’s lips met hers, but slowly melted into the kiss, closing her eyes as she gripped Rachel’s hand. Rachel tipped at Kara’s lip before deepening the kiss.

 

Quinn felt a hot and cold wave of jealousy heat her cheeks and leave her hands clammy. The memory of the taste of Rachel’s mouth was fresh in her mind, the way her lips felt, and the little noises of pleasure she made. She wanted to grab Kara by the fake extensions and rip her away from Rachel. Rachel had kissed- slept with- many a man over the years but none of them made Quinn feel as violently jealous as Kara did. 

 

After what felt like eternity, Rachel pulled away, leaving Kara flushed and touching her own kiss brused lips with her painted fingertips. Rachel smiled and pulled her hand from Kara’s to adjust her ponytail. 

 

“There, easy right?” Rachel said, and when Kara nodded dumbly added, “How’d that feel?”

 

“G-good,” Kara stammered, staring at Rachel with her big, watery eyes.

 

“You think you can kiss Vanessa if she’s up for it?” asked Rachel and Kara nodded again.

 

“Great,” Rachel got up and brushed pash Quinn, patting Madison on the arm, “She’s all yours.”

 

“Hey Quinn? Are you okay? You look kinda pale?” Madison asked. But Quinn was already off after Rachel. 

 

“Can I get my walkie?” Quinn caught up to her in the control room, “I haven’t had one all day and it feels like I’m missing a limb. And can I get some girls or guys or whatever?” 

 

Jay tossed her a walkie, “nice moves hot lips, didn’t know you swung the other way.” 

 

“Rachel!” Quinn grabbed her by the forearm, “My office, now!” 

 

“Ow, Quinn!” Rachel only made the noises of protest as Quinn dragged her into her office, slamming the door behind them. 

 

“What the fuck was that?” she demanded not feeling bad as she watched Rachel look away and rub her arm. 

 

“I was just making sure Kara was on top of things, you know,” Rachel shrugged, “That’s what you wanted right? Kara as a wifey for Vanessa?” 

 

“I did not want you going around locking lips with our contestants! What if Vanessa had saw? Or one of the others? Sluts get cut Rachel,” said Quinn. 

 

“Oh what, so you fuck August to keep him away from me but when I teach Kara how to kiss a girl suddenly it’s an issue?” Rachel shook her head, “God you’re still obsessed with me.” 

 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” The words were out of her mouth before she could think of the consequences, before she could measure the pent up tangle of dark twisted emotions that stood in front of her. 

 

Rachel was always worked best when she was one bad day away from a breakdown and today had been some of her better work. 

 

“It’s just,” Rachel looked away, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand, “I don’t get it. Why are you doing this to me?” 

 

“Despite the weird little world you made up in your head,” Quinn said, “I’m not doing anything to you besides being your boss. That’s what we are remember?” 

 

Quinn paced to the other side of her desk, hands palm down on the hardwood. She needed the shield, needed to put distance between her and Rachel. If she didn’t it was only a matter of time before she’d lose all resolve and make Rachel forget about little crying Kara. She itched to kiss away Rachel’s tears. 

 

“You can have Mike, Alex, James, and Jillian,” added Quinn. 

 

“And Catherine,” Rachel said. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Catherine Hardly,” said Rachel, “The model slash business woman? I want her too.” 

 

“Sure. Fine. Take the old hag too,” Quinn said, “But stay away from Kara.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what this is?? Let me know what you think. Also hmu on tumblr @ regardstosoulandromance


	5. you can break my heart in two, but when it heals it beats for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Quinn gets roses, Madison gets an assignment she doesn't want, the contestants go swimming, and Quinn and Rachel have a chat

_ Rachel and Quinn sitting in a tree _

_ K-I-S-S-I-N-G _

_ First comes love,  _

_ Then comes damage, _

_ Then comes two slit throats in a pool of blood _

 

_ Just because you make her cry _

_ Doesn’t mean that she won’t die. _

 

The words were printed on a tiny card that accompanied a bouquet of red roses, roses that Quinn recognized as being placed all over the mansion. It was her own personal version of the call coming from inside the house. Whoever was sending the threats had access to the set and the only person she knew she could trust was Rachel. 

 

But Rachel wasn’t speaking to her, or rather, Rachel was only speaking to her as much as her job function required. She’d appeared in the control room bright and early, wearing sunglasses that obscured her glare and made it impossible to tell whether or not she was actually looking at the person speaking to her. 

 

The plan for the day was simple, first set up a couple pool competitions for the contestants then let whoever won that escort Vanessa to the fancy dress ball they planned for the night. 

 

Rachel had given her a curt nod, then stalked off to prep her people. That’s when Quinn had found the bouquet. 

 

“Hey, hey you, what’s your name?” Quinn called to the security guard she’d stationed outside her office.

 

“Marcus ma’am,” the tall man said, giving her a small nod, “is something the matter?” 

 

“Yes, something is the matter! Who put these in my office?” Quinn said. She pointed to the red roses, tauntingly beautiful. 

 

“We just had shift change ma’am,” Marcus said, “I’ve only been here two minutes at least and no one's been in or out.” 

 

“Then find whoever was at the door before you and get them in my office immediately!” Quinn snapped before lifting her walkie, “Madison! In my office!” 

 

Ninety seconds later, Madison flew through the door, out of breath, “You wanted to see me?” She gasped, haltingly as she tried to catch her breath. 

 

Quinn glared at her, “Stop panting, did you run all the way here?” 

 

“I was-“ Madison took a deep breath, “-on the other side of set, and it sounded-“ she inhaled again, “-important.” 

 

“Yes,” Quinn composer herself, “This bouquet of flowers showed up on my desk and I need to know where it came from. Obviously it came from somewhere in the mansion. Find where and who.”

 

“What? But I have guys…. and girls,” Madison said. 

 

“Jay and Rachel can handle it.” 

 

“B-but I’m a producer!” 

 

“Yes and this is important. I need you to find where these flowers came from,” Quinn waved her hand dismissively, “Now!” 

 

Madison stared at her for a heartbeat. Lips pressed together as she obviously weighed her chances with an argument. Then, in a huff, she picked up the bouquet and stormed off, leaving Quinn to pour herself a drink.

 

… 

 

Madison, to her credit, didn’t slam the glass doors of Quinn’s office when she left. She did however groan loudly as she put the flowers in the control room. 

 

“I can’t believe this!” She muttered to herself. 

 

“Hey, what’s wrong Madison?” Dr. James asked. She pushed her glasses up her nose, psychiatric evaluations spread out on the desk in front of her. 

 

Madison sighed, “Quinn wants me to figure out where these flowers came from, but it’s like a needle in a haystack! I’m not a P.A. anymore!” 

 

“Those flowers?” Dr. James said, “I thought I saw Troy walk through with those. Maybe you could check the footage by his room?” 

 

“Oh my gosh really?” Madison was out of her chair like a shot, over to one of the computers where she rewound the feed from the hallways. It didn’t take her long to go through the past twenty four hours at triple speed. 

 

“There!” Said Dr. James, pointing. Madison stopped the feed and rewound it a couple minutes. 

 

On the screen, Troy checked to see if anyone was watching, then took the bouquet of roses and walked off camera. 

 

“Gotchya,” Madison said to the screen, then turned to Dr. James, “Thanks Allison, I can go tell Quinn and get back to producing now.” 

 

“Can you give her this when you tell her?” Dr. James handed Madison a folder, “it’s Kara Edwards’ background. Quinn said she wanted to make her the villain with staying power.” 

 

“What? But she’s my best girl! She’s wifey material!” 

 

Dr. James put a hand on Madison’s shoulder, “Oh shoot, I’m sorry about that. Is Quinn like, out to get you or something?” 

 

Madison sighed, looking up at Dr. James, at least there was one person on set who cared enough to listen to her. 

 

“It sure feels like it.” 

 

… 

 

“So,” Jay stood next to Rachel, arms crossed, both looking out at where the contestants were lined up by the pool, “Do I even want to know what’s up with you can Quinn?” 

 

Rachel rolled her neck, trying to come up with an accurate response. A professional response that she could use to explain to her coworker what was happening between her and their boss. 

 

She was angry. She was hurt. She was confused. All of her emotions were tangled together, like a knotted ball of string inside her. It was slowly being pulled tighter and tighter in her chest, constricting every time Quinn looked at her, tangling worse was Quinn berated her or touched her. 

 

It had been easy to lash out, to use the situation to hurt Quinn right back. In the moment, it felt good. Kissing Kara was nice, even if it was boring, and the look on Quinn’s face mirrored the way Rachel felt with every heartbeat. 

 

But that didn’t change the fact that Rachel wished it had been Quinn she’d kiss yesterday. It didn’t change that she wanted to straddle Quinn’s body,  wanted to kiss every inch of her skin, wanted to make her moan and watch her face as she came unraveled under Rachel’s fingertips. 

 

Rachel shook her head, trying to clear all thoughts of Quinn like clearing an etch-a-sketch. 

 

“Don’t worry about,” Rachel said, “It’s just the same old shit.” 

 

… 

 

“After Vanessa sent six of our contestants home last time, only twenty four remain. But who will be the dashing man- or charming lady- to win our suitresses heart?” Graham monologued on screen, “But before they can do that, they must win our Pool of Love competition!” 

 

“Pool of Love competition? What kind of a shit name is that?” Quinn asked no one in particular from the control room. 

 

“The goal is to swim across the pool, get the heart, swim back and deliver it to Vanessa,” Graham explained as he placed a hand of Vanessa’s shoulder. She stood looking cold in her bikini, more baring her teeth than actually smiling. 

 

“Whoever completes this the fastest will be Vanessa’s date to the ball,” Graham said and Vanessa shivered. 

 

“Cut!” Quinn yelled into her walkie, “Cut! God, our ice princess looks cold. Can someone get Vanessa warmed up? We want hot and wet, not frigid.” 

 

She scanned the monitors watching both men and women shiver under the heat lamps. It was overcast, which was great for filming but sucked if you were standing outside in a swimsuit. 

 

“Rachel why is one of my wifeys in board shorts?” Quinn snapped into her walkie as she zeroed in on Jillian Hawkins.

 

“She didn’t bring anything else and won’t change,” Rachel voice was tinny through the walkie talkie, “Says it’s anti-feminist to make her change. I think she looks great, and she has a point, it’s not like we’re making the guys wear speedos.” 

 

“Well tell her that Atwood said everything is about male fantasies and get her in a string bikini,” Quinn said.

 

On screen she saw Rachel turn to glance directly into one of the cameras before saying, “Okay, got it boss.” 

 

With Rachel on a bikini bottom mission and occupied for the time being, Quinn sank back down into her chair, watching the good tv unfold. 

 

Contestants shivered and chatted awkwardly, girls with girls and guys with guys not knowing how to bridge the gap. Quinn signed, muttering, “well we’re going to have to fix that,” to herself. 

 

As soon as she saw Rachel shepherding a now more scantily clad Jillian back to her mark, Quinn called action. Graham started babbling again, some bad pun and dialogue so boring that she tuned it out. 

 

Then the competition started. Almost everyone jumped in the pool, except for a couple of stranglers who’s respective producers tried to urge into the pool. 

 

After a bit of struggling between Jillian, Mike, and, surprisingly, Troy, it became clear who was in the lead to win. 

 

“No!” Quinn cried into the walkie, “Keep Troy from winning! Anyone else, it doesn’t matter, but not- damn it!” 

 

It was too late. Troy had grabbed the crown and swam back, delivering it to Vanessa, and Vanessa managed to keep the distain off of her face. 

 

“Congratulations Troy,” Graham said, lifting Troy’s hand in the air, “You’ve won the honor of escorting Vanessa to tonight’s ball.” 

 

And with that, Mike kicked over a flower pot. 

 

… 

 

Rachel had an internal Quinn radar. More often than not, without looking, she knew where Quinn was and when she was heading in her direction. So when an atm draped around her shoulders and Quinn guided her off to the side, she wasn’t surprised. 

 

“We need to get Vanessa to cut Troy,” Quinn whispered as they stepped into a shadowy alcove, “Tonight.” 

 

“Yeah? That shouldn’t be hard, he already yelled homophobic slurs while punching Vanessa ex skating partner so I don’t think he’s one of her favorites,” Rachel said, ducking out of Quinn embrace. She was still annoyed and wanted to be sure Quinn knew.

 

“But,” continued Rachel, “He’s good TV, why get rid of him so fast? There’s enough security here to keep him from causing too much damage.”

 

“He’s getting cut tomorrow night, right after the ball,” Quinn said with a scary intensity that Rachel hadn’t seen before, “Then he’s being banned from set.” 

 

“Quinn, what’s going on? Are you, uh, are you drunk?” 

 

“Get him cut, you’re the one who can do it best,” Quinn said, taking both of Rachel’s wrists in her hands, “But do not put yourself in danger. Keep security with you, alright?” 

 

Rachel’s heart pounded through her wrists, through Quinn’s palms. In the cool, dark of the brick overhang, it felt like hot electricity passing through them. This wasn’t a trick, it wasn’t emotional manipulation or just things Quinn said to get her way. 

 

“You’re scaring me,” Rachel looked from Quinn’s hands back to Quinn. A storm of blue-green ocean eyes stared back at her. It was like drowning in the vastness that was Quinn- and in an emotion behind her eyes that Rachel couldn’t quite name. 

 

This was different from anything Rachel had seen before. It wasn't champagne on the loungers, a begrudging  _ I love you too _ comma  _ weirdo _ . It wasn’t a smile by the pool and the life changing gift of her cabin. It wasn’t even blood in the control room, begging Rachel to leave. It wasn’t any of that, and it scared her. 

 

“Okay, okay I’ll get rid of him,” Rachel said after a beat. 

 

“And?”

 

“And I’ll keep security with me.” 

 

“Good girl,” Quinn whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a short chapter but THINGS HAPPEN in the next one xoxo


	6. i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Rachel gets a letter, the have a ball, and Quinn plays with fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo this chapter got away from me and it’s just over 4,000 words, i suggest getting snacks.

Ninety Nine percent of the time, Rachel was cold. It came from being small, from not sleeping, from poor circulation due to smoking- or at least that’s when the internet said. 

 

But for the moment, she was the warmest she’d ever been, laying out in the sun, on a towel by the water, with cool fingertips tracing patterns on her back. 

 

Rachel turned her head to the side, eyes opening slowly to regard Quinn, laying on her side next to her. Quinn was wearing sunglasses and a cut out one piece swimsuit that was the same shade of blue as the depths of the ocean. 

 

“You’re thinking,” not a question, it was never a question from Quinn, she just understood how Rachel’s mind worked. 

 

“Tahiti is nice,” Rachel said, raising up to her elbows and adjusting her bikini top, “I like it here.” 

 

“It’s a magical place,” Quinn agreed with a smile. 

 

The wind blew a piece of Rachel’s long hair into her face and Quinn brushed it away, tucking it behind an ear. Then she leaned down and kissed her, soft and slow. 

 

“Let’s stay here forever,” said Rachel once they’d broken apart, “and get one of those huts over the water.”

 

“I think those are in Fuji, babe,” Quinn said, but she was still smiling, skin sunkissed and glowing. 

 

Rachel rolled onto her back and reached up to touch Quinn’s cheek, “Whatever, as long as we're together.”

 

Quinn pushes up her sunglasses but stayed silent. 

 

“I love you,” Rachel added. And that’s when she woke up. 

 

… 

 

With a groan, Rachel rubbed her eyes with one hand and fumbled for her alarm with the other. Once she managed to silence her phone alarm she pulled the blanket over her head with a groan, wishing herself back to sleep, back to dreamland where she could lay on the beach next to a swimsuit clad Quinn and not think about anything except when to reapply sunscreen. 

 

After a moment, she dragged herself out of the slim bunk, brushing her hair and getting dressed. She’d driven the hour home to shower, her hair drying in the hour drive back. But her bed was dirty which made the whole thing feel like a waste. 

 

Pulling on her jeans, something near the door of her truck caught her eye. Half hopping over, Rachel bent to pick up a small, white envelope. She opened as she finished buttoning her jeans. Inside was a single thick piece of paper that read, “I know what you did.” 

 

The world narrowed to the black typeface on white. Rachel felt like there was a giant rushing sound that filled her truck as she turned the card over, heart racing. There was a photo, one she’d never seen before but could easily read. It was a black and white photo, taken in a graveyard, of a single tombstone. 

 

_ Here lies Coleman Wasserman; son, brother, a good man. 1979 - 2017 _

 

Beneath her tee shirt, her heart threatened to rip itself free. It felt like it was racing, and she couldn’t catch her breath, but Rachel knew that if she checked her pulse it would be normal. 

 

She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to show Quinn and let her make it go away, she wanted to run away back to her cabin where no one could find her. 

 

But who could this be from? Only four people knew- her, Quinn, Jeremy, and Chet- and they’d all be sunk if one of them told. Except…

 

Rachel had told Dr. Simon. And he was still out there, somewhere, with that information and enough reason to hate her. He had tried to alienate her from Quinn, tried to tell her that he was the only one who cared. 

 

“RACHEL TO SET NOW,” Quinn’s voice through her earpiece started her out of her thoughts. She’d have to deal with this later. 

 

Grabbing her sweatshirt, Rachel opened the back of the truck and engaged her earpiece, trying to sound as neutral as possible, “Rachel flying in.” 

 

… 

 

“Here at Everlasting we love breaking stereotypes,” Graham said, “And this season, with Vanessa, our first bisexual suitress we want to show you that brunettes are the ones that have more fun.” 

 

Quinn groaned, “I’d like to break something of yours Graham.” 

 

One of the cameras panned across the backyard of the mansion, the aerial shot displaying the contestants lined up in workout clothes. 

 

“Today our contestants must learn how to dance, in preparation of our ball,” Graham continued walking over to where Vanessa stood next to an athletic dance instructor. 

 

“When we were training to skate, Mike and I not only took skating lessons but also dance lessons so we could be our best on the ice,” Vanessa said with a smile. 

 

“Cameras on Michael and Troy,” Quinn said into her walkie. Watching the screens, she admired Vanessa’s poise and grace, smiling through her little talk about a career she’d single handed ruined not only for herself, but also her longtime partner. She was proving to not only be resilient but also obedient, which Quinn appreciated. A good little dancing doll. 

 

“Camera A, push in on Vanessa,” she said as Vanessa began speaking again. 

 

“So today I’ve invited one of my old dance instructors to teach you all the finer points of the waltz,” Vanessa said, walking over to an attractive and fit looking man, putting a hand on his arm. But the dance teacher flinched away. 

 

Quinn sighed, and lifted her walkie, “Cut! Rachel, deal with twinkle toes.”

 

“On it,” was the staticky response, and onscreen Rachel darted across the lawn, pulling the dance teacher aside. 

 

“Tell him if he doesn’t get his act together,” Quinn barked into the walkie, and by extension Rachel’s earpiece, “That I’ll sue him for breach of contract faster than he can plié!” 

 

“Hey, so we’re going to need you to at least pretend like you don’t hate Vanessa,” Rachel said, her voice being picked up by the nearest mic. 

 

“My association to her is ruining my career as a serious dance coach!” He said, throwing his arms up. 

 

On monitors one and four, Vanessa winced, still in earshot. 

 

Rachel stepped closer to the dance teacher, “Listen,” she said, voice low, “Helping us make Vanessa look good makes you look good. Can’t you just picture the headlines? Dance Coach of Disgraced Skater Offers Second Chance?” 

 

Quinn watched as the man ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Hey if you don’t do it for her at least do it for Mike,” Rachel said, “He’s still here, it would suck for him if this tanked too.” 

 

“Alright. But for Michael, not for Vanessa.” 

 

“Okay were good, he’s in,” said Rachel into the comm. 

 

“Places! And action!” And on Quinn’s command they were filming again. 

 

… 

 

Instrumental, and royalty free, music filled the mansion, wafting through the main room, out by the pool where tea lights floated on the water and the contestants awkwardly tried to replicate the steps they’d learned hours earlier. 

 

Quinn had instead that the contestants dance with one another, despite the rift that was beginning to form between the mostly straight male contestants and the very gay female contestants. 

 

But a few people seemed to be having fun, as Madison made note of during the dance lesson. 

 

“Quick, what information do you have on Becca and Robbie?” She asked Dr. James after dance lessons were over.

 

“Um lets see,” Dr. James said she she flipped through her notes, “Robbie is a firefighter from Washington State, Becca is a student from California…”

 

“No like, what does it say about Becca’s sexuality?”

 

“She’s bisexual, like Vanessa,” Dr. James glanced up, “What’s this about?” 

 

“I was thinking and I think I have to do something big if I want Quinn to take me seriously,” Madison said, “And during dance rehearsals, Becca and Robbie seemed to be getting along really well- a little too well if you know what I mean.” 

 

“So you’re going to set them up?” Dr. James asked.

 

“Exactly! It’ll make good tv, no,  _ great _ tv,” Madison grinned. 

 

“Do you need any help with this little scheme?” Said Dr. James. 

 

“Actually, now that you mention it….”

 

… 

 

“Hey, Rachel?” A whisper carried over the din or the ball, but it was soft enough that Rachel didn’t register it at first. 

 

“Rachel!” The voice tried again, and, this time, she turned. Half hidden behind one of the pillars was Kara, dressed in a long pink dress that shimmered every time she moved. 

 

Rachel glanced around, checking to make sure she wasn’t in view of any cameras or Quinn, before walking over to Kara. 

 

“Hey, why aren’t you out there dancing with everyone else? You look so great in that dress, has Vanessa seen you yet?” She said. 

 

“That’s the thing,” Kara said, winging her hands nervously, “Some of the girls were talking about how there’s going to be an overnight date and I don’t know anything about… what girls do.” 

 

“Well the overnight date isn’t for a while,” Rachel said, “You don’t need to worry about that right now, just enjoy the party.”

 

Rachel stepped back, but only met the cold pillar, trapping her between bi-curious Kara and a literal hard place. 

 

But Kara grabbed Rachel’s hand, moving closer, “Can you just show me? Please Rachel? I really enjoyed your lesson earlier.”

 

“I- uh-“ Rachel faltered under Kara’s big, doe eyed gaze and Kara’s body pressing against her. 

 

“What is going on here?” Quinn’s voice broke through the rush and suddenly Kara was jumping away. But Quinn wasn’t in the mood for waiting on an explanation, instead she turned on Kara. 

 

“If I ever see you touch one of my producers again, I’ll rip your extensions out and shove them so far up your ass that you’ll barf blonde, is that understood?” Quinn snapped, twin spots of color in her cheeks. 

 

Kara tried to nod and instead burst out crying, running from the alcove and up the stairs. 

 

Shaking her head, Quinn lifted her walkie and said, “Madison, make sure Kara is presentable for the elimination ceremony,” letting the button go she glanced at Rachel, still standing pressed against the pillar.

 

“Don’t think you’re off the hook, Goldberg. I will see you in my office after the elimination.”

 

… 

 

Standing on the sidelines, Madison watched Becca and Robbie dance. It had been so easy to get them together, it was ridiculous. 

 

She’d started by pulling Becca aside for an interview. 

 

“So, how’s everything going?” She’d asked, camera pointed at Becca. 

 

“Everything is really great,” Becca had said, “It’s been so great being here and getting to know everyone- especially Vanessa. We haven’t talked much but she’s really nice.” 

 

“That’s great, yeah, how do you feel about the other contestants? Some of the other girls feel weird about the guys being here and vice versa,” 

 

“Oh, no, the guys are great!” Becca said, “they’ve all been complete gentleman.”

 

“You’ve gotten to spend some time with Robbie right? Because you were partnered for the dance lessons? He’s pretty cute,” 

 

“Yeah he’s really- uh I mean I guess?” Becca’s eyes flicked in between Madison and the camera. 

 

“Hey it’s okay, you can say he’s cute, it’s allowed,” Madison said with a smile. 

 

“Okay, he is pretty cute,” Becca giggled, “And nice.” 

 

“And dancing with him?”

 

“Oh my gosh! It was so easy! Neither of us knew how to dance before but we just clicked!” 

 

“Listen, Becca,” Madison leaned forward, imitating the conspiratorial tone she’d heard Rachel taken on time after time, “I’m not supposed to tell you this but I heard Robbie talking and I think he really likes you.” 

 

Becca gasped, “Really? Is that allowed?” 

 

“Oh yeah it’s fine, we love love at Everlasting, the more the better,” said Madison, “True Love should really conquer all, don't you think?” 

 

“Yeah,” Becca smiled, “Actually I do.” 

 

… 

 

On camera, Vanessa twirled around the room with ease, making it look like Troy was leading as she pulled him through the waltz. But it reality, tension knotted her shoulders, something she’d been feeling more often than not. 

 

It was one thing to go through the drug test, the interviews, the rehab, but pretending to enjoy herself as she fake-dancing with an aggressive and bigoted homophobe? It was enough to want to make her jump in the pool and never resurface. 

 

Thankfully, that’s when the music came to a close, ending the dance. 

 

“I think I’m going to go get a drink,” Vanessa said to Troy, glancing around for an escape.

 

“I can get it for you,” Troy said, taking her arm, “I am your date tonight, after all. Maybe after that we can find someplace quiet.”

 

He waggled his eyebrows at her in a completely lewd fashion. Vanessa’s smile grew strained.

 

“Actually I think I need to chat with some of the others here, I don’t want to neglect my suitress duties,” she said, not looking at him. She was looking for Mike still, hoping he was close by, but instead he was on the other side of the room, chatting with an older blonde woman. Somewhere in the recesses of Vanessa’s mind she remembered that the woman’s name was Catherine. 

 

“What about your duties to me?”  Troy asked, his grip tightening on her arm. Vanessa visibly tensed. 

 

“Hey can I steal you for a sec?” a soft hand slipped into Vanessa’s and she looked up to see Chloe smile at her.

 

“Yes! Sorry, Troy, I have to go,” Vanessa said quickly untangling herself from his grip.

 

“Thank you so much,” she whispered as she and Chloe walked away.

 

“He’s a dick,” Chole said and they giggled, “Plus you looked hella uncomfortable.”

 

“Yeah, his comments yesterday about me weren’t the most endearing,” 

 

Chloe snorted, “That’s putting it lightly!”

“Anyway,” Vanessa shrugged, “I like your hair. The flowers are pretty.”

 

“Thank you!” Chloe touched one of the flowers that had been tucked into her afro, “It was the stylists idea really, but I like it.”

 

Vanessa leaned against Chloe’s shoulder, interlacing their fingers, “So tell me about yourself, do you always go around rescuing damsels in distress?”

 

… 

 

“Madison! Make sure Kara is presentable for the elimination ceremony,” Quinn’s voice ordered through her earpiece. Madison sighed, taking a deep breath before replying with a short, “On it.” 

 

But she had no plans to go find Kara and fix whatever mess she was sure was Rachel-related. Instead, she walked around the edge of the dance floor, out of the cameras view, and found Becca. 

 

“Hey so Robbie wants to meet you in there?” the last word went up into a question as Madison pointed across the pool to the little bathroom located there. It was the same place they’d locked Yael out of two seasons ago, an incident that was still only spoken of in hushed tones. 

 

“Oh,” Becca giggled, “Okay, thanks Madison!”

 

With Becca in motion, Madison darted over to Robbie, relaying the same information. Earlier that day, Madison had made sure that he was in ear shot as they talked about how Becca was super into him. And he’d just taken the bait, hook line and sinker. 

 

“C’mere, c’mere,” she whispered to a couple of the camera people, pointing them at the bathroom door as Vanessa rounded the pool, arm in arm with Chloe.

 

“Uh what’s going on?” Vanessa asked, exchanging glances with Madison and Chloe.

 

“Maybe you should open the door?” Chloe offered, “All the cameras are pointing there anyway.”

 

“Zoom in on Vanessa,” Madison instructed as the suitress reached for the doorknob. 

 

But the sight behind the door was better than Madison had planned. Becca was pressed up against the wall, legs wrapped around Robbie’s waist as they kissed. Her hands were in his hair, lipstick smearing and her dress pulled up in a very compromising way.

 

“Holy shit,” Chloe said, “That was not what I was expecting.”

 

“Fuck!” Robbie half dropped Becca as the two stumbled out, more onlookers and camera crew members joining Vanessa.

 

“It’s not what it looks like!” Robbie said. 

 

At the same time Becca said, “This looks so bad but Vanessa just listen-”

 

Vanessa held both her hand up, “Just stop.”

 

“What is happening? What did you do?” Quinn hissed as she joined Madison.

 

“I made this happen- look! It’s great!” Madison beamed.

 

“And where is Kara? I needed you to get her ready for elimination ten minutes ago!” Quinn said, then when Madison didn’t move, pointed at the mansion, “GO!”

 

… 

 

“Tonight’s ball has been a dream, but like all dreams it has to come to an end- as the the journey for three of our contestants,” Graham said, walking up to stand beside Vanessa and the podium that held twenty portable cell phone chargers. 

 

“But for those staying, they’ll receive one of these useful Praxis cell phone charges, perfect for recharging your phone on the go. Praxis, there for you, wherever you are.”

 

Jay rolled his eyes, commenting under his breath, “That’s kind of ironic, considering we take their phones on day one.” 

 

“Vanessa,” Graham said, “Have you made your decision?” 

 

“Thank you Graham, I have.”

 

And with that, Vanessa began to call out names, one by one, handing them a charger as they approached. Soon there were only three, Troy, Becca, and Robbie. 

 

“Camera B push in on Troy,” Rachel’s voice could be heard softly on the radio, “Camera C on Becca and Robbie.” 

 

“Becca, Robbie, can you step forward please?” And when they did, looking disheveled and sheepish, she continued, “Everlasting is a place to find love, and you have, for which I commend you. But while I’m happy for your happiness, I don’t see where I’d fit into it. I wish you all the best, but it’s time for you to leave.” 

 

Fortunately for Vanessa, but unfortunately for Jay and the other producers, Becca and Robbie didn’t put up a fight and simply hung their heads before walking off. 

 

“Troy,” Vanessa began, then paused. The cameras zoomed in on her. 

 

“This is bullshit,” Troy snapped, “You’re such a stupid gay bitch that you don’t even know a real man when you see one!”

 

“And that kind of talk is exactly why you’re going home tonight. Your homophobia and biphobia is appalling, not to mention that you got into a fight with Mike! Despite everything that’s happened between us, he’s still a dear friend.” 

 

“This whole place is rigged!” Troy yelled as two security guards grabbed him by the arms.

 

“No shit,” Jay muttered under his breath.

 

“I’m going to get you, you faggy bitch!” Troy snarled as he was dragged past Rachel.

 

“That’s not even the right kind of gay!” she called back. 

 

… 

 

“You wanted to see me?” Rachel asked as she slipped into Quinn’s office. She was hesitated by the door, sheepishly knowing that she’d done something wrong. 

 

Quinn regarded her for a moment; Rachel bit her lip, looking anywhere but at Quinn, skittish and back still pressed against the closed door. Quinn imagined Rachel’s heart pounding through her skin, what the feeling of it would be under her wrists, under the tattoo that they shared. 

 

Quinn stood, crossing the room to stand in front of her. Reaching past Rachel, she locked the door, invading her space in the process. They stood toe to toe, Quinn nearly going cross eyed as she stared down at her, sharing breaths. 

 

“Stop fucking the contestants,” Quinn said, a storm hidden under her scary calm. She reached up and Rachel shut her eyes, as if she was preparing for something rough. But Quinn gently hooked her index finger under her chin, letting her thumb softly graze Rachel’s lip. 

 

Quinn’s eyes settled on her mouth, watching as Rachel whispered, “Why are you doing this?” 

 

“Because you need it. Face it Goldberg, you need someone to fuck to get it out of your system. And if this is what it takes to keep you from derailing the show again, you can fuck me.” 

 

She moved her hand, resting a fingertip on Rachel’s lips as an invitation. Rachel accepted, carefully taking her finger tip into her mouth. Quinn forced her expression to remain neutral as Rachel’s tongue circled her finger, teeth softly capturing the digit. Rachel was staring at her, and it was one of the most erotic things Quinn had experienced in a long time. Heat pooled in her stomach, face warming, and her suddenly too many layers of clothes feeling itchy against her skin. 

 

Then Rachel released Quinn’s finger and grabbed the lapels of her jacket, pulling her in to kiss her. Quinn shut her eyes, parting her lips immediately to submit to Rachel’s kiss. They kissed until Quinn couldn’t breathe, causing her to pull away first with a sharp gasp. 

 

“So this means nothing to you?” Rachel asked. 

 

“Nothing at all,” said Quinn. 

 

_ Liar, liar, liar _ , the word pounded through Quinn. She watched Rachel search her face for any signs of her lie, but Quinn lied for a living. She practically invented it. 

 

Rachel kissed her again, rougher this time, like she wanted to devour her. She tasted like champagne and the gnawing ache of desire that shown through in her wild eyes and burned hot in her hands that had moved to grip Quinn’s waist. 

 

“Couch,” Rachel said, voice raspy, lips barely leaving Quinn’s, as she pushed the jacket from Quinn’s shoulders. 

 

They maneuvered their way to the couch, kissing the whole way, and Rachel pushed Quinn onto her back, so she lay lengthwise. Then she nimbly straddled Quinn’s waist, weight against her hips. 

 

Rachel’s hands found the edge of Quinn’s blouse, tugging it up and off. 

 

“Bra, off,” she ordered in between dizzying kisses. Quinn raised herself up on one elbow, unhooking her bra and dropping it to the floor. Quinn found Rachel’s commanding attitude a surprising turn on; letting go of her control of the situation was only a farce- her features still schooled to remain unmoved- but submitting to Rachel’s command felt easy and dangerously  _ right _ . 

 

Rachel bent to kiss the dip of Quinn’s collarbone, kissing her way down, leaving wet marks in the valley between Quinn’s breasts. Quinn forced herself still, telling herself over and over that it meant nothing, she couldn’t get lost in Rachel’s touch, couldn’t give into the blossom of emotions that filled her chest- of the desire that shot straight to her core. 

 

Quinn inhaled sharply as she felt Rachel’s mouth close around one of her nipples and her thumb brush against the other. Her hands went to Rachel’s hair, fingernails grazing her scalp. 

 

She was never loud during sex, instead she was normally an array of little noises, gasps and grunts, usually masked by hiding her face in the shoulder of whatever man was underneath her. With Rachel however, Quinn struggled to suppress every moan that threatened to push past her lips and wondered if it was possible to come just from the mere sensation of Rachel’s mouth on her flushed skin. 

 

Quinn had thought she could do this, she had idiotically thought that she could have sex with Rachel and not let it effect her. 

 

Rachel moved slowly, kissing her way back up to Quinn’s throat. Her lips found the place where Quinn’s neck met shoulder and after a soft kiss, sucked hard, teeth grazing the tender skin. 

 

Quinn cried out, not in plain, although it did hurt, but in utter pleasure. Her body arched up, pressing against Rachel’s as Rachel repeated the action. Moans filled the room, turning to uninhibited begs, and unholy words of lust spilling from her tongue like a prayer. And Rachel was her goddess. 

 

She wasn’t even sure of what she said, but suddenly Rachel’s hand wrapped around Quinn’s throat. It wasn’t firm enough to block air, but it was enough to get her attention. 

 

“Stop lying to me,” Rachel hissed, forehead resting on Quinn’s, “Stop being a coward and just admit that this means as much to you as it does to me.” 

 

Then, with a flush of cold air, Rachel climbed off of her and was out the door before Quinn could reply. Rachel was gone and Quinn still lay half naked on the couch. With a shaky sob, she covered her face in her hands, only indulging in a few moments of weakness. Then she wiped her mascara and got up, collecting her clothes from the floor and pouring herself a drink. 

It had been ridiculous of her to think that she could let Rachel’s fire consumer her and not get burned. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so? what do you think? let me know below and hmu on tumblr @ regardstosoulandromance


	7. it’s so cold that your stare’s ‘bout to kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rachel eavesdrops, Chet cares for all the wrong reasons, and Jay flirts with a contestant

_ You might have gotten rid of Troy, but you can’t get rid of me. Ready for some fun? _

 

Quinn held the card in both hands, the black typeface weighing heavy on the card stock. 

 

She thought that with Troy gone, she’d be rid of this nightmare. She thought she’d saved Rachel from their stalker. 

 

In her dreams she was being held down, an immense weight pressing into her shoulders, her ribs, her hips. And when she woke up, it was like the weight and tension had always been there. It felt like there were needles in her spine and her muscles were coiled springs being pulled tighter and tighter with each movement. 

 

She’d never felt so helpless.

 

… 

 

Rachel had left Quinn’s office angry. It was a sad anger, a righteous anger that burned through her skin, fed by the cold lies that chilled Quinn’s mouth. How quickly had  _ it means nothing _ turned to  _ I need you, I love you _ ? 

 

She’d laid in her makeshift bed and brooded over it, tossed and turned until she had slipped her hand beneath the waistband of her underwear. She got off on the memory of the test of Quinn’s skin still fresh in her mind, of the smell of Quinn’s perfume that cling to her, and the phantom feeling of Quinn’s body between her thighs. 

 

They were fire and ice, harsh contradictions that only proved to hurt each other. And that’s what Rachel had wanted the previous night, to leave Quinn as hurt as she felt. 

 

She regretted it, of course. She regretted it as soon as she saw Quinn’s sleep deprived eyes, the dark circles underneath, avoiding Rachel’s gaze as she hid in the whiskey disguised as the last remnants of a cup of coffee. 

 

She’d regretted her actions at least, her teeth of Quinn’s skin, her hands on her neck, but not her words. 

 

Quinn had tried to cover up her throat, with a higher collared dress and an off-color smear of makeup, but the angry red welts stood out against the pale skin of her throat. 

 

They stood at opposite sides of the room, the tension creating canyons so palpable that the others could feel it. 

 

The only person who appeared to be immune was Chet, who was unable to keep from glancing angrily at the red welts left on Quinn’s throat. He looked like a little boy who’s favorite toy had been taken away and put on a shelf. Rachel felt a momentary flush of jealousy, left over from the however many years Quinn and Chet had been together, but then remembered that it was her Quinn had been propositioning last night, not Chet. 

 

Rachel saw Jay and Madison exchange confused and worried glances, since they knew all too well that while a rift between Chet and Quinn was a war, a fight between Quinn and Rachel was armageddon. 

 

“Okay listen up,” Quinn snapped to life as she walked over to their board of names and faces and plans for storylines, “Today is the three person date so cash bonuses for anyone who gets their person on the date. Madison, Kara’s our new villain but we want to keep her.” 

 

“What? But I thought she was wifey!” Madison cried. 

 

“I changed my mind, plus she seems to have a decided she wants to get horny, right Rachel?” 

 

Everyone turned to look at her and Rachel quickly schooled her features. Quinn was gunning for a reaction but she was going to have to live with disappointment. 

 

“Actually Kara said she was worried about the possibility of an overnight date,” she said, primly, “It sounds like she’s never been with a woman before.” 

 

Quinn rolled her eyes, “What a surprise.” 

 

“That’s cute though, not mean,” Madison said. 

 

“Okay, how do we spin it?” Said Quinn, “Make our sapphic virgin a mean girl.” 

 

“Maybe she’s scared,” Rachel offered, “because the other girls are more experienced and she’s intimidated.” 

 

“So she lashes out,” Quinn said, “Tries to take people down with her?” 

 

“I guess I could… tell her Vanessa is really physical and has, uh, had some fun with some of the other contestants?” Said Madison. 

 

Quinn nodded, “There you go, go work whatever dark magic you did to your love birds last night.”

 

Madison muttered an, “Okay,” as she slumped back into her chair, looking defeated. The redhaired woman behind her gave Madison a pat on the shoulder. 

 

“Okay let’s not make this episode such a boner killer like last time!” Quinn said, pep talk over, “Get me some material I can use!” 

 

Madison and Jay were quick to leave, off to produce their people into getting that coveted group date card- or into a big enough scene to get Quinn’s attention. But Rachel, reaching for her coffee and spotting Chet corner Quinn, lingered. 

 

“So who’s the new guy?” Chet asked, louder then he probably thought he was being, a sarcastic sneer in his tone. 

 

“What are you talking about?” Quinn said. 

 

“C’mon you think we all can’t see your neck covered in hickeys?” said Chet, “It’s embarrassing.” 

 

“I don’t see how what I do in my personal life is any of your business anymore,” she replied, and out of the corner of her eye, Rachel saw Quinn try to push past Chet. Chet, however, caught her by the upper arm, his large hand circling her with ease. He leaned close, invading her personal space as he hovered over her. 

 

“You never let me do that,” he said, voice dropping so low that Rachel had to strain to hear, “I just want to know who did that, who is this guy that marked you?”

 

“Rachel!” Quinn snapped, sharply echoing through the room. Rachel whipped around in horror. 

 

“Stop eavesdropping and get out of here,” Continued Quinn, pulling her arm out of Chet’s grasp. 

 

And just like the night before, Rachel fled. 

 

… 

 

“Hi, Ben?” Madison hesitated on the name before flashing him a big smile, “They need you in make up in five minutes.” 

 

“Oh yeah?” Ben reached out, grabbing two flutes of champagne. He offered one to her. 

 

“Wanna kill the time with me? You seem like a sharp shooter,” he said. 

 

“Oh ummm,” Madison took the glass and giggled. Ben was just like what he was offering her, a tall drink of bubbly. 

 

“So what’s a woman like you doing in a place like this?” Ben asked, watching her take a sip. 

 

Madison flipped her hair, “Well I do have a pilot that aired, maybe you’ve seen it?  _ Hashtag Adulting _ ?” 

 

“Maybe I’ve heard of it,” he said, winking, “So you’re in charge of all of us right? Whether or not we get dates?” 

 

“Well, that’s up to Vanessa, but we do what we can to make sure the right people are picked,” said Madison. 

 

Ben winked, “I’m sure you pick all the right people.”

 

He reached out, tucking a piece of Madison’s long hair behind her ear. She blinked up at him, temporarily at a loss for words as she stared up into his blue eyes. They were sky-colored and focused only on her.

 

“I, uh,” she stammered, the attention making her intoxicatingly dizzy. As much as she didn’t like to admit it, she missed being with Gary- not Gary himself, but the relationship, someone paying attention to her instead of brushing her aside like what happened every day at work. 

 

“I’ll see you around, right Madison?” Ben said, flashing her another big smile. 

 

“Yeah,” Madison smiled back and bit her lip as she watched him walk away. He was one of Jay’s guys, but seeing him again would definitely be on her to do list. 

 

… 

 

“Hey! Little weirdo!” Rachel closed her eyes and suppressed a groan as she heard Chet call out to her. She’d just come from Catherine’s room, where she’d been prepping her to make her best grab at the three person date with Vanessa. 

 

“So I think your main competition is Leo,” Rachel had said.

 

“Leo? The investment banker twice her age?” Catherine asked, a single eyebrow raised as her makeup was done by one of the stylists, “And one year my junior?”

 

“Bingo,” Rachel replied, “But Vanessa is very into fashion and wants to possibly branch into the fashion industry, so you have that in common. What do Leo and Vanessa have in common? Not much.”

 

Catherine smiled, and had lifted her champagne glass to her lips, but Rachel noted that Catherine spit the sparking drink into the sink as soon as she thought Rachel wasn’t looking.

 

“What’s up Chet?” Rachel said as she turned, shoving her hands in her pockets, shoulders tense. 

 

“You know the word on the street right?” Chet said, and Rachel’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

 

“Uhh…”

 

“You know, the 411, the buzz, the skuttlebutt, the dirt,” said Chet, “The hot gossip on set.”

 

“When it’s worth knowing,” Rachel replied, with a shrug. She wasn’t sure where he was going with this, and, if she was being honestly with herself, the crew’s quote unquote hot gossip was usually about her.

 

“You don’t happen to know who this guy Quinn’s seeing is?” Chet ask and Rachel’s jaw involuntary clenched as every curse word known to man ran through her head.

 

“See,” Chet continued, “I’m just worried about her and I don’t think he’s treating her right.”

 

“Oh, uh,” Rachel could feel her face flushing as she started to ramble, “Quinn doesn’t really, you know, tell me that kind of thing? About her sex life. So she hasn’t said she was seeing anyone and I haven’t seen any guys around.”

 

“You’ll let me know if you figure out who he is though, right?”

 

“Yeah, totally,” with an awkward laugh, Rachel nodded and backed away.

 

… 

 

“Jay! Jay, I need your opinion on something,” Jay turned to see Ben rushing to catch up to him. 

 

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on set? It’s almost time for lunch with Vanessa,” Jay said. 

 

“Yeah I just needed to talk to my favorite producer,” Ben said with a slow smile. 

 

“What’s up?” Said Jay, smiling back. 

 

“Do you Vanessa would like if I did this to her?” Ben asked, walking his fingers up Jay’s arm.

 

Jay raised his eyebrows, Ben was cute and his bio had said he was bisexual, so there was nothing wrong with a little flirting right? Just to keep him listening to what Jay was telling him, of course. 

 

“I think she might,” he replied, leaning into the touch. 

 

“Or how about this?” Said Ben, reaching up to trace the curve of Jay’s ear. 

 

“Yeah,” Jay’s breath caught in his throat, “that’s good too.” 

 

“Oh good,” Ben whispered then walked off to go find Vanessa. 

 

… 

 

The air grew crisper as the sunset. It’s warm glow hidden behind trees and clouds, purple as a bruise, that hovered at the furthest edge of the horizon. 

 

The cold slipped back her sweatshirt, through her jeans, and into her bones. Rachel shivered. The sunset had been beautiful but lingering in the semi darkness was an act of masochism. 

 

She soon grew sleepy in the cold, listening to the water in the pool, but jolted awake as she felt someone join her on the couch. 

 

It was Quinn, who didn’t meet her gaze as she lit her cigarette, taking a single, long drag before wordlessly passing it to Rachel. Rachel inhaled, feeling the slick of Quinn’s lipstick coating the outside of the cigarette. She marveled at the casual intimacy of the act, one they’d been participating in for longer than she could remember. It was a nicotine kiss, passed across the infinite space between their lips. 

 

As Rachel passed the cigarette back, their fingers brushed, a single warm jolt of electricity, and Quinn finally looked at her. Her emotions were hidden behind her guarded eyes, that familiar wall back up. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Rachel finally said, “about-“ she reached up and touched the unmarred space of her own throat, the mirror image of the place she’d left marks on Quinn’s. 

 

“You don't have to apologize,” 

 

“No, I shouldn’t have done that-“

 

“Goldberg-“ 

 

“I wanted-“  _ I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you, I wanted you to feel how I did.  _

 

“So did I. Rachel,” Quinn said, quiet but firm, “you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

 

Rachel was dumbstruck. But Quinn didn’t elaborate, she hardly ever did, and instead took another drag of the cigarette before handing it back to Rachel. It felt like a peace offering, a truce, and for that little blessing, Rachel was happy. 


	8. i want to hold you when i’m not supposed to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which vanessa goes on a three person date, rachel and jay have a chat, and quinn makes a mess of her office

“And action!” Quinn’s voice, raised and easily mistaken for yelling if you didn’t know that it was just how she was, echoed through set, through ear pieces and speakers. Rachel tapped the plastic ear piece, making sure it was in place. Even in the high energy, high intensity of shooting, Quinn’s voice in her ear was a comfort. It focused her, kept all the other rattling thoughts in her head at bay.

 

Vanessa was walking across the lawn with Catherine, Ben, and, surprisingly, Leo. 

 

“Uhg this is the opposite of a pantie-dropping date,” Quinn had groaned when Vanessa had made her selection, “At least Ben will be there to make it hot.”

 

“May-December romances are in right now,” Rachel had tried to argue, “look at David Foster and Katherine McPhee, or Sarah Paulson and Taylor Holland. Who cares about dating your age?”

 

“Yeah, because that’s exactly what our viewers want to see,” Quinn said sarcastically, but there hadn’t been any bite to it, only a lingering gaze. 

 

Now Rachel was standing in the muddy field behind the mansion, her sneakers getting soggier and soggier as she watched four horses be lead up to Vanessa and her dates. With Adam they’d borrowed a fake horse, filming him from the knees up as he pretended to ride. But for Vanessa they’d gotten real horses. 

 

Rachel watched from the monitors as Vanessa easily flirted with Catherine, who was talking about horseback riding through the Italian countryside. 

 

“But,” Catherine added with a seductive smile, “I’d love someone to share it with.” 

 

Vanessa held her gaze for a long moment before reaching up to pretend fix Catherine’s completely straight collar, “That sounds enchanting.” 

 

“Ooohh, this is good Goldie,” Quinn said through the earpiece.

 

“What about you? What do you like to do for fun?” Asked Catherine. 

 

“Well, Mike was teaching me how to golf,” Vanessa said, “He’s actually a phenomenal golfer, if he didn’t skate I’d say he should go into golfing professionally.” 

 

“Why is she talking about  _ Mike _ ?” Quinn demanded in Rachel’s ear, “It’s a total boner killer. A lady boner killer too, by the looks of Cindy Crawford.” 

 

The rest of the day wasn’t much better. Vanessa would just begin to flirt with one of the contestants, then start talking about Mike again. 

 

“Rachel! Get her on task! I want wet panties not… whatever this is.” 

 

Rachel pulled out her earpiece as she pulled Vanessa aside. She’d just finished talking to Ben and was about to take a stroll with Leo along a very fake, very short fence that some poor PA had put up twenty minutes ago. 

 

“Hey Vanessa, can I talk to you for a sec?” Rachel said, leading her away, “Listen, I know you and Mike have all this history but you need to stop bringing him up with your dates.”

 

A crease formed between Vanessa’s eyebrows, “I wasn’t- oh my gosh,” she pressed a hand to her forehead. 

 

“Yeah, you have,” said Rachel.

 

“Oh shit, I didn’t even realize I was doing that!” Vanessa said, “We’ve just been together for so long, everything is… him.” 

 

“Vanessa,” Rachel pulled her ever farther away from the crew, “Were you and Mike ever, you know, more than just skating partners? You can tell me.” 

 

“No! No, of course not! Mike and I are just, uh, business partners.” 

 

“Business partners?” Rachel asked, not believing her for a moment. Vanessa was flushed, but only slightly. Her voice was drifting from a conversational tone to one that Rachel mentally referred to as Vanessa’s interview voice. 

 

She’d watched a handful of interviews, most of them leading up to the Olympics. Both Vanessa and Mike were cheerful and chatty, playing off each other easily, finishing each other’s sentences, and charming everyone they talked to. They were America’s Sweetheart Skaters. 

 

Rachel’s even watched some of their skating videos as well. She’d gotten hooked, late one night, watching video after video of skating programs. And watching, she understood why their fans were convinced that they were sleeping together. When they skated, Vanessa and Mike were like two halves of the same soul. The were sensual, skating in a way that made Rachel feel like she was watching something forbidden. 

 

“Uh yeah, Mike said it on accident once and it kinda stuck,” Vanessa gave an awkward laugh, Sorry I’m doing it again. But we’re strictly professional, like you and Quinn.” 

 

Rachel snorted, “Yeah, just like Quinn and me,” she said as the image of Quinn moaning beneath her filled her mind. She pushed it away, burying it deep down where it wouldn’t distract her. 

 

“Listen, Vanessa, when you’re on these dates, whoever you’re with is your boyfriend or girlfriend, okay?” Rachel said.

 

Vaness nodded, “Yeah, I get it. I’ll stop talking about Mike.”

 

“Excellent.”

 

… 

 

“Well it’s good to see you and Quinn aren’t at each other's throats anymore,” Jay’s comment was casual enough, well meaning even, but as soon as he said it Rachel felt herself go cold. 

 

“Oh my god,” Jay said as he turned to glance at Rachel. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her into a quiet alcove. 

 

“Oh my god it was you,” he said, “You gave Quinn the hickey that Chet’s been bitching about all day.” 

 

Too late, Rachel recovered, “That’s ridiculous, Jay. I mean, Quinn and me?” 

 

“Oh don’t try to lie, you looked pale as an untanned wifey when I mentioned you two being at each other’s throats and all I meant was you weren’t fighting anymore,” Jay said, crossing his arms, “So spill.”

 

“C’mon Jay, Quinn and I aren’t a thing,” Said Rachel, which wasn’t exactly a lie, it wasn’t as if they were dating. 

 

Rachel tried not to think about what dating Quinn would even mean- waking up to her smile, wrapping a possessive arm around her waist at parties, getting to kiss her without worrying…

 

“So you’re telling me that Quinn’s vendetta against Kara isn’t because you kissed her? And Quinn just bails your ass out of everything because you’re a good producer? Or we could talk about how Quinn hates it when anyone gets too close to her but she’ll put her hands all over you without a second thought.” 

 

Rachel didn’t reply. Jay was right, over the years Quinn grew to prioritize Rachel over more and more. She thought back to all the times Quinn had stood up for her or protected her, even the little things like telling people to stop gawking when Jeremy publicly dumped her, or letting her sleep in her bed afterwards. 

 

She made a face, did Quinn love her? Twice she’d said it, once as a confused reply to Rachel and once in the control room, blood and passion dripping to the floor, but she never knew what that really meant. Did Quinn love her like as a friend? Or as something more? 

 

“You don’t understand,” is what she settled on, pushing away the silly, mushy feeling she got in her chest when she thought about that possibility, “Quinn doesn’t- it’s not like that.” 

 

“Yeah and keeping a clothes hanger in the closet doesn't make it straight,” Jay said rolling his eyes. 

 

He turned to leave but Rachel grabbed his arm, “Jay, you won’t-“ 

 

“Tell anyone?” He sighed, “Of course not Rachel. That’s a decision for you and Quinn to make in your own time.”

 

… 

 

She’d been staring at for the past several minutes, the envelope that way laying on her desk, taunting her. She already knew what was inside, but she was putting off looking as long as she could. 

 

Early that morning, Quinn had installed a new wireless camera in her office, one above the door, looking out across the whole room. The feed ran to her computer, recording every movement for her to check later, in hopes of catching her letter writer. 

 

But when she’d walked into her office that afternoon, the camera lay smashed on the floor. At first glance it looked as if it had fallen, but Quinn had stolen a power drill from the crew. Someone had broken it on purpose. Whoever was delivering her the letters, she surmised. 

 

Quinn sighed. Picking up the offending envolve, she slid her knife-like letter opener along the edge, hooking it under the top flap, then dumped the contents onto her desk. 

 

Another photo, and a note.

 

_ I don’t like being watched _ , the note said, hand written in a slanted scrawl that was nearly illegible,  _ Now she’ll pay for your transgression. _

 

Quinn’s hands shook as she turned over the photo. It was from their first day back on set, but from inside the office, at the moment when Rachel had surprised Quinn with a kiss. The black and white print was fisheyed, but would have been almost erotic if it wasn’t for the means it was obtained. 

 

With a frustrated cry she shoved everything but her computer off her desk. Her hands curled around the stacks of files and spreadsheets sending them flying. Papers fluttered to the floor as framed photos fell with a clatter. The thrumming adrenaline of fear and anger filled her body, pumping through her veins. 

 

Falling back into her chair, Quinn’s breathing came in ragged bursts that faded to a steady yet heavy rise and fall of her chest. There was a camera in the room. There was one recording her every movement at that moment. 

 

Picking up the offending photo from the floor, Quinn held it up, walking around the office until she found the right angle. The camera had to be on her coffee table. She checked the coasters, then the flowers, before her eyes lit on a glass babble she didn’t remember purchasing. 

 

Then, with all the pent up fury and frustration, she threw it to the ground, watching as it shattered with a satisfying crash. From the shards of glass Quinn picked up a tiny black object, the camera.

 

…

 

Vanessa leaned into Leo’s arms looped through hers as they walked by the pool. The sun had already set and everyone was inside, busying themselves by getting ready for the elimination ceremony. 

 

“I’m so glad to have caught you off camera,” Leo said, patting Vanessa’s hand, “The constant surveillance would be unbearable if it wasn’t for you.”

 

Vanessa laughed, a lovely sound that echoed across the pool before she clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle it, “I’m sorry, that’s so kind of you, but that sounded like something the producers would feed you.”

 

Leo smiled, “I suppose it does. I am sincere though.”

 

Vanessa kissed his cheek.

 

“I believe you,” she said, “I suppose the cameras don’t feel any different to me than when I was training and competing. But you work in the financial industry right? I’m sure the surveillance is more subtle.”

 

“You’re right,” Leo said, “We’re always being watched, but here it’s just so much more in your face.”

 

“Every moment is a performance,” Vanessa said, “Whether we know it or not.”

 

“All the world’s a stage,” he agreed, “And al the men and women have an agenda.”

 

Vanessa stopped to look at him, “And what’s yours?”

 

“To woo a lovely young woman,” Leo replied, “And yours?”

 

Vanessa smiled, looking past him into the bushes where the cameraman was hiding, “To find love, of course.”

 

And then she kissed him. 

 

… 

 

Leaning back in her chair, Quinn rubbed her temples. Her office was still a mess, but the elimination ceremony was over, five idiots had gone home, and she decided she could deal with it in the morning. 

 

Throwing back the end of her whiskey, Quinn shut her eyes, wishing to go back to the moment when she’d fallen asleep in Rachel’s bed. She wanted to reach across the pillow-length space and cup Rachel’s face in her hands, she wanted to breath in her warmth and watch her eyelids flutter shut. She wanted to know that they were safe, that she could always keep Rachel safe from the cruel world they’d help design. 

 

Then, just as if the universe had read her thoughts, the door knob quietly turned and as the door opened so did Quinn’s eyes. 

 

Rachel shut the door behind her, but stayed still in the shadow of the door. But even from the distance, Quinn could see the tear tracks on her face and her wild, fearful eyes. Quinn was out of her chair and across the room in a heartbeat, hesitating as soon as she reached Rachel, afraid to touch her and scare her off. Every horrible thought filled Quinn’s mind. Something had happened- someone had  _ done something _ . 

 

“What’s wrong?” Quinn said, she lifted a hand to slowly settle on Rachel’s arm

 

“I’m sorry,” Rachel breathed, not looking Quinn in the eyes.

 

“Rachel, you’re scaring me. What happened?” Quinn rached up with her other hand, cupping Rachel’s face. Rachel leaned into the touch, and finally looked up at her. 

 

Rachel held her gaze for a moment before jerking forward to wrap her arms around Quinn, hiding her face in the crook of Quinn’s neck, and began to cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is regardstosoulandromance and feel free to yell at me about season 4- in fact, it's encouraged.


	9. if you were church, i’d get on my knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which quinn and rachel have a conversation without words, vanessa plays diplomat, and there’s an uninvited guest at everlasting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh lord it's another 4,000+ word chapter. this totally got away from me and I even ended up cutting some of the stuff that was supposed to happen this chapter. this is mostly unedited, you've been warned.

The bed was king sized, a vast expanse for Quinn’s small frame, but the perfect size for two women to stretch out comfortably. Nevertheless, the laid close, nearly a hair's breadth from each other, not touching.  

 

Rachel stared. She could feel the warmth of Quinn’s body, so so close to her, but still so far. She was scared, scared of whatever was haunting her, but in this moment she felt calm. Quinn was there, and for better or worse, Quinn felt home like home than any truck or other person or cabin in the woods. 

 

She reached across the gap, fingertip barely touching Quinn’s collar bone through the gap above the button of Quinn’s silk pajamas. Rachel had opped for the old  college sweatshirt Quinn had pulled from the back of her closet, but turned down the flannel pajama pants she’d been offered. 

 

Quinn lifted a hand, taking Rachel’s and lacing their fingers together, pressing their hands to her chest. Rachel could feel Quinn’s heart beat, beating under her palm. 

 

Tears pricked the edges of Rachel’s eyes. Quinn untangled their hands to gently so she could wipe away her tears. Her hand was warm, cupping Rachel’s face as she swiped away the salty tear trails with her thumb. Rachel took a shaky breath, body trembling as she tried to hold it in. 

 

“Why is this happening?” She asked, voice cracking. 

 

“I don’t know,” it was an honest answer, the words soft and sad from Quinn’s lips. 

 

An hour ago, Rachel had gone back to her truck to get some sleep, but when she’d pulled down the back, shutting herself in, she’d found that the inside of the roll up door had been wallpapered with photos of Coleman and Yael. 

 

_ MURDERER, _ Had been written across the photos in dripping red paint,  _ YOU KILLED US _ .

 

Rachel had all but run to Quinn’s office, a panic attack building in her chest with each step. It was Quinn’s gentle touch that let the floodgates burst. Once Quinn had understood what happened she took control, locking Rachel’s truck and taking her back to her place. 

 

Now they lay side by side and Rachel wanted to kiss Quinn. It was different than normal, she almost always wanted to kiss Quinn, but now she thirsted for Quinn’s kiss. It was a desperate need born out of fear and fed by exhaustion. She wanted to feel safe again, she wanted to feel like she in control, and her sleep deprived brain told her that that truth was hidden in Quinn’s lips. 

 

“Rachel,” Quinn said, quiet, but with a warning edge. Rachel was staring at Quinn’s mouth. 

 

Unblinking, she lifted her hand again, this time tracing a fingertip along the scar at the edge of Quinn’s lip. And Quinn let her. Rachel leaned forward, closing the gap between their mouths. 

 

Quinn closed her eyes before Rachel reached her, lips parting in anticipation of the inevitable. But she wasn’t passive like on the couch. Quinn kissed back, teeth and tongue against hers, kissing Rachel back with just as much hunger and passion. 

 

As they kissed, Rachel’s hands found the buttons of Quinn’s pajama top, tugging them apart. Her world was spinning out of control, but here, in Quinn’s bed, she could take the control she craved. 

 

Rachel continued popping open the buttons, rolling to straddle Quinn’s waist. She ducked her head, kissing her way down Quinn’s newly exposed skin as she pushed the shirt off of Quinn’s shoulders. 

 

Quinn’s head fell back against the pillows with the softest sigh, her hands moving up to thread through Rachel’s hair. Her fingernails scraped against Rachel’s scalp as Rachel’s mouth moved lower and lower along Quinn’s abdomen and Rachel could hear Quinn’s breathes grow sharper. Her tongue dipped into Quinn’s navel and Rachel heard her gasp. 

 

“We shouldn’t,” Quinn said, breathless, but not very convincingly.

 

Rachel moved to nuzzle Quinn’s throat, “Do you want me to stop?” she asked between kisses peppered along her jawline. Rachel’s knee pressed between Quinn’s legs, against the heat that was pooling there. One hand braced herself on the bed and the other cupped Quinn’s breast, thumb drawing slow circles. 

 

She needed this, she needed the control. Everything felt like it was spiraling and it was only magnified by the stress and fear. But this felt right, Quinn felt right. Rachel wanted to map her body with her mouth, she wanted to learn how to elicit every little noise with her touch and tongue. 

 

Quinn’s hips twitched, pressing into Rachel’s knee, grinding against her, “No,”

 

“No, what Quinn?” 

 

Two fingers caught Quinn’s nipple and pinched. Quinn moaned and arched up against Rachel.

 

“Don’t stop,” Quinn managed and Rachel smiled against her skin. 

 

Rachel sat up and with a single, fluid movement, pulled off her sweatshirt, tossing it aside. Her smile widened as she saw the pretty flush that stained Quinn’s cheeks. 

 

She then moved off of her, causing Quinn to make a little sound of frustration at the loss of contact, and signaled for Quinn to lift her hips so Rachel could finish undressing her. 

 

“You’re so beautiful,” Rachel murmured, not even thinking about what she was saying as her eyes raked down Quinn’s body. 

 

Leaning down she kissed Quinn again. She couldn’t get enough of the taste of her lips. Quinn cupped Rachel’s face in both hands, thumb swiping across Rachel’s cheekbones. 

 

“Rachel, I-“ Quinn began, then stopped and pulled her in for another kiss. 

 

As the broke apart, Rachel reached down and ran a fingertip between Quinn’s already slick folds. Quinn made an impatient noise. Taking the hint, Rachel slid a single digit into her, then added a second, finding a quick pace to press into her. 

 

The thought that she was being too rough briefly crossed her mind, but Quinn then rocked her hips, meeting Rachel’s thrusts with her own as she hands balled into the sheets. She could feel Quinn’s inner walls flutter around her fingers as she added a third. 

 

Rachel pressed her thumb against Quinn’s clit, hard, and Quinn gasped in pleasure. Rachel smiled, watching Quinn’s face as her mouth dropped open, her messy hair fanned out across the pillow. 

 

“Rach…” Quinn moaned, and Rachel realized just how close to orgasming she was. But, for the night, Rachel was in control. She was in control of herself, her actions, and most of all, Quinn’s pleasure. 

 

She lifted her fingers to her mouth, sucking away the juices as Quinn groaned in frustration, running a hand through her hair. 

 

Rachel then leaned down, kissing Quinn’s navel before moving lower, lower, lower-

 

“Fuck!” Quinn cried as Rachel kissed her clit. 

 

One of Quinn’s hands reached out blindly, managing to grab Rachel’s hair. Rachel held Quinn’s hips down as she swiped her tongue along Quinn’s entrance. 

 

Her mouth made quick work, tongue circling and lips leaving feather soft kisses. Her teeth grazed that most sensitive bundle of nerves, pronounced with arousal, drawing a cry of pleasure from Quinn as she came against Rachel’s mouth.  

 

Resting her cheek against the inside of Quinn’s thigh, Rachel watched as Quinn relaxed onto the bed in the afterglow. She watched as her breathing calmed. 

 

Rachel crawled up to rest her head in the crook of Quinn’s neck, arms wrapped around her middle. Quinn kissed the top of her head, and began to gently pet her hair. 

 

Closing her eyes, Rachel took a deep breath. A peace settles over her, and she felt safe and warm. As much as she enjoyed sex, there was always an air of uncertainty to it, a flash of leftover fear and anxiety from her childhood bedroom all those years ago. But with Quinn it was different. It was safe. 

 

Quinn slowly traced soft patterns on Rachel’s arm, on the curve of her hip, the top of her thigh, letting her hand drift lower and lower. Then she stopped, hovering mid air. 

 

“Is this okay?” Quinn asked, lips moving against her scalp.

 

Rachel rolled her hips open, giving Quinn easier access, “Yeah,” she breathed. 

 

Quinn’s hand slid lower and Rachel sighed as she felt two fingers circle her clit, slowly at first, then moving faster. 

 

Rachel turned her head, letting her moans of pleasure become muffled in Quinn’s shoulder while Quinn continued to stoke her hair. She whispered encouraging words as Rachel trembled in her arms. 

 

“That’s it, that’s a good girl,” Quinn said, “I’ve got you. That’s my girl.” 

 

Her hips twitched. The heat that was pooling in her stomach felt almost unbearable, and Rachel didn’t realize that she was saying Quinn’s name over and over again, punctuated with begs, with “please” and “I need-“. 

 

With a gasp, Rachel came. That familiar dizzy feeling exploded behind her eyes as she limbs felt tingly. When the feeling subsided,she opened her eyes, stretching up to kiss Quinn just under her ear. Rachel felt Quinn’s arm tighten around her. 

 

With heavy eyelids, Rachel setting against Quinn’s shoulder again, feeling safe and sated. 

 

“I love you,” she murmured, just as she drifted to sleep. 

 

… 

 

Quinn woke up to Rachel stirring in her arms, she’d rolled over, but hadn’t left Quinn’s embrace. Neither had dressed after sex, and the soft skin to skin contact was something Quinn hadn’t had in a long time. She slowly ran a hand along the smooth skin of Rachel’s hip, her face flushing at the memory of Rachel’s lustful gaze taking over her body. 

 

Rachel stilled and slept on, so Quinn pressed a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder and carefully slipped out of bed. 

 

She dressed quietly and began to put her makeup on, every now and again stealing glances at the sleeping woman in her bed. 

 

Quinn wanted to box up her feels for Rachel and leave it on her nightstand. She’d been able to that so easily with everyone else she’d been with, with John and Chet. But just like Rachel herself, Quinn felt like her emotions were larger than life, spiraling out of control. It was addicting and terrifying all at the same time. 

 

She’d almost told Rachel she loved her. 

 

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t told her before, hadn’t grabbed her by the shoulders and said  _ I love you, I LOVE you _ before firing her, but a confession of love was different when it was in the middle of a breakdown verses when it was whispered in bed. 

 

From across the room, Rachel yawned and stretched, interrupting Quinn’s thoughts. She blinked up at the ceiling for a moment before Quinn said, “It’s about time you got up.” 

 

Rachel pulled the sheet around her, sitting up. Quinn turned back to her makeup but she could feel Rachel watching her. She didn’t have glanced over to know what look it was, either. She was studying Quinn, probably trying to figure out where they stood after last night’s events. 

 

As if Quinn knew. 

 

After a few minutes, Rachel rolled out of bed and walked over to lean against the bathroom door frame, all while dragging the sheet with her. 

 

Quinn glanced at her in the mirror. With her shoes off, Quinn was shorter than Rachel by a couple inches. Rachel met her gaze, then stepped forward, leaning down to kiss Quinn’s shoulder, exposed in her sleeveless dress. 

 

“Stop that,” Said Quinn, a slightly annoyed lilt to her voice, still rough from sleep. 

 

“Stop what?” Rachel asked. 

 

“Looking at me like that,” Quinn said. She tried to sound gruff but if she was honest with herself, Quinn didn’t want the moment to end. 

 

Rachel, still managing to keep the sheet up, wrapped her arms around Quinn’s waist from behind, resting her cheek on Quinn’s shoulder. 

 

“Okay,” she said. 

 

“What… are you doing?” Quinn was frozen to where she stood, unsure of what was happening. 

 

But Rachel ignored the question and said, “I didn’t tell you, but I got a note before the pictures in my truck.” 

 

“What was it?” 

 

“It said  _ I know what you did _ on the back of a photo of Coleman’s grave,” Quinn could feel Rachel’s mouth move against her shoulder. 

 

“You should have told me,” Quinn said. She felt the hot thrum of anger corse through her body. Threatening her was one thing, but terrorizing Rachel was different. 

 

“I know,” Rachel tighten her hug, “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Rachel, look at me,” Quinn untangled herself and stood with both hands on Rachel’s shoulders, “We’ll fix this. We’ll figure this out just like we always do. But you have to tell me if anything suspicious happens, okay?” 

 

Rachel nodded, “No more secrets,” she agreed. 

 

Quinn gave her a soft smile and patted her cheek, “Why don’t you go get dressed. I left you some clothes on the chair if you need to borrow something today.” 

 

Rachel smiled and Quinn went back to finishing her makeup as she ignored the fact that Rachel would be wearing a pair of her underwear for the day. 

 

…  

 

“Jay! Jay! Wait up!” Ben called, jogging to catch up with Jay’s long stride. Jay had been walking to the control room for their morning meeting, but he stopped and turned to Ben. 

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Jay met Ben’s smile with his own, he was in a hurry but not enough to miss an opportunity to chat with his favorite wifey. 

 

“I heard there was a group date today,” Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck as she shifted from foot to foot, “I know I just went on that date yesterday, but I think Vee and I really had a connection and I was wondering….” 

 

Jay made a sympathetic face, “I’d love to help you but I’m not sure I can get you on the date today.” 

 

“Oh,” Ben looked crestfallen, “Damn, I just really wanted to win this for you.”

 

“Oh that’s cute,” Jay laughed, it was a disbelieving laugh but one that wasn’t unkind, “We both know that’s not why you want to win.” 

 

“Well, Vee is hot,” Ben shrugged, “But so are you. Since I can’t go on the date today maybe I could see you later?” 

  
  
  


Jay dropped into a chair next to Rachel, who was eating a doughnut from craft services. Glancing up at him, she pushed her plate in his direction and he took half a scone. 

 

“So,” he said with a sly grin, “do I get to call you Oedipus now since you’re obviously sleeping with mommy?” 

 

Rachel glared at him, mouth full. 

 

“C’mon, don’t give me that look, you’re wearing her shirt,” Jay said, “Now Chet totally won't notice but you didn’t think I would, did you?”

 

Rachel swallowed the food in her mouth, “I didn’t really think about it.” 

 

Jay snorted and rolled his eyes affectionately, “I should have figured, with the way you normally dress.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“It means you should let mommy pick out your clothes more often,” Jay quipped as Quinn walked in. 

 

“Who’s on the list for today’s group date?” Quinn asked, arms crossed, leaning against one of the tables.

 

“James, Ritchie, Alex, Zion, Jillian, Sam, Joseph, Mike, Ashley, and Kara,” Jay read from the list. He glanced between Quinn and Rachel, stretching out the last name on the list. 

 

“Jillian is a wifey so let’s make sure she has priority time with Vanessa,” Quinn said. 

 

“So is Mike,” said Rachel, “Plus Vanessa couldn’t stop talking about him, I think there might be a story there. You know, childhood friends and partners rekindling their relationship after the doping scandal? It would be good for Vanessa’s image if she won Mike back.” 

 

“If you can make something come of that we’ll run with it,” Quinn replies before turning to Madison, “Make sure Kara has her claws out today. We want a flirty villainess.” 

 

“You know Vanessa doesn’t seem to have any chemistry with Ritchie,” Jay said, “What if we swapped him for Ben?” 

 

“Ben? Who was just on a date yesterday? No, we’re sticking with this list,” Quinn said, “Someone get it to set.” 

 

“I can bring it to Graham!” Madison said, reaching out to take the date envelope from Quinn. 

 

“Okay people,” Quinn said, “Let’s make some romance today!” 

 

… 

 

Outside, Madison ducked into a sheltered doorway, pulling the date card out of the envelope and uncapping the pen she kept in her back pocket. 

 

With her best handwriting, she added an eleventh name to the date list. Then slipped the card back in, and resealed the envelope. 

 

… 

 

“Hey there’s some guy here for you?” One of the crew members said, a polo clad man with a tool box standing behind him. 

 

“Just show him to my office,” Quinn said, then to the man with the toolbox said, “That’s the room you’ll be doing.” 

 

“Who was that?” Chet asked as the pair walked away. 

 

Quinn didn’t bother looking up, “Just a locksmith. I’m having the locks changed on my office.” 

 

“What? Why?” 

 

“I’d just be more comfortable knowing exactly who has a key.”

 

“I’m still getting a key, right?” Chet asked, “This isn’t because you’re mad at me is it?” 

 

“No Chet, this may come as a shock to your ego, but sometimes things have nothing to do with you,” Quinn said with a sigh, “Now if you excuse me, I have my show to run.” 

 

Snatching up the walkie, Quinn settled into her chair behind the monitors and said, “ACTION!” 

 

“They say that love is a battlefield, but do our remaining contestants have what it takes to battle it out for Vanessa?” Graham asked on screen as he descended the mansion’s staircase. 

 

“Uhg who wrote this garbage?” sneered Quinn. 

 

“Today, ten lucky people will be joining our suitress on a date,” continued Graham, stopping to stand in front of the fifteen contestants, “And from this envelope, I have their names.” 

 

Chloe clapped her hands together excitedly, “I hope it’s me!” She whispered to James. 

 

“Ha! Not likely,” Quinn said, before lifting her walkie, “Sad Cam, zoom in on Chloe.” 

 

Then, Graham read off the names, “Alex, Zion, Jillian, Ritchie, Sam, James, Ashley, Joseph, Kara, Mike, and Ben.” 

 

“Hey that’s eleven people!” Tanner cried. 

 

“Ben? What? No, I said no to him!” Quinn was out of her chair and on set in an instant. 

 

“How did Ben end up on the list?” She demanded, grabbing Rachel’s arm to pull her along, “I specifically said no to him.” 

 

Rachel held up the card from Graham’s envelope, “Someone wrote him in.”  

 

“Is this some sort of joke?” Maggie asked, “I thought we were all supposed to get equal chances with Vanessa!” 

 

“Vee and I just have an instant, heartfelt connection,” Ben said with a shrug, “I can’t help that she wants to see me.” 

 

“An instant connection? What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?” Mike said, obviously annoyed. 

 

“Oh please, you’re just jealous because for the first time in your life you’ve had to share her,” Ben rolled his eyes at Mike. 

 

Catherine snorted “Gentleman please, enough with the testosterone.” 

 

“Nessa isn’t an  _ object _ ,” Mike snapped. 

 

“This is ridiculous,” Quinn said to Rachel, “I’ll deal with who did this later. Right now we need to stop all hell from breaking loose.” 

 

Rachel glanced over Quinn’s shoulder, “They’re still filming right? This is good.” 

 

Quinn turned to see everyone fighting amongst themselves, “Well at least there’ll be some good footage.”

 

“I have an idea,” Rachel said, and disappeared at a half sprint. 

 

Lifting her walkie, Quinn pressed the on button and said, “This better be good, Goldie.” 

 

Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long to find out Rachel’s plan, because soon Vanessa was rounding the corner with Rachel following a safe distance behind as to not be in the shot. 

 

“What’s going on here?” Vanessa asked. 

 

Rachel gave Quinn the thumbs up. 

 

“Ben is getting to go on the date but he went on one yesterday!” Maggie whined. Quinn rolled her eyes, oh yeah, there was no way Maggie was making past that night’s elimination ceremony. 

 

“Really?” Vanessa tilted her head and turned to Graham. 

 

He spread his hands in innocence, “There seems to have been a mix up with our date card and it’s cause some…. concerns.” 

 

“Camera A zoom in on Vanessa,” Quinn whispered into her walkie, watching as Vanessa exchanged a quick glance with Rachel. Rachel was something up her sleeve, and Vanessa was her mouthpiece. 

 

“Why doesn’t everyone come on the group date,” Vanessa said, “There we’re supposed to be, What ten out of the fifteen on the date? I’d love to get to know everyone better and that way no one feels left out.” 

 

She smiled and Quinn saw a flash of the diplomatic skater that had charmed her way into the hearts of America- until she’d blown it all to dust. Or snorted it to dust. Whatever. 

 

Graham looked over at Quinn, who gave him the nod of approval. It wasn’t an ideal plan, but it would shake things up and give them their teaser for the network. 

 

“What a charming idea Vanessa!” Graham said, “In an Everlasting first, everyone is going on a date!”

 

“And cut!” Quinn yelled into her walkie, a redundant effort since everyone was in yelling distance. Rachel approached hesitantly, with her hands up.

 

“Okay, so you can totally yell at me in a minute, but just let me explain,” Rachel began.

 

“Oh you’re going to pay for that,” Quinn replied, eyes slowly roving from Rachel’s dirty sneakers to her face, smiling when she saw Rachel’s jaw had gone slightly slack as a flush spread across her face, “But I understand why you did it. It makes Vanessa look good, and that’s her M.O.”

 

Rachel nodded, “Uh yeah,” she said, biting her lip and shifting from foot to foot. 

 

Quinn held her gaze longer than necessary, she’d taken Rachel by surprise with her blatant flirting and she was going to enjoy seeing her flustered. 

 

But then, another crew member approached, breaking the spell.

 

“Um, there’s an Olive Goldberg here to see you?” he said, glancing from Quinn to Rachel. 

 

“What?!”

 

… 

 

Olive Goldberg stood in the entrance to the mansion, tapping her foot impatiently. Rachel saw her before she saw Rachel and Quinn, and she went cold. She’d hoped it had been wrong, that maybe it was some other Olive Goldberg who was now inexplicably on set, but not, it was her mother. 

 

“Why can I not simply see my daughter?” she demanded to the security guard who stood with her. 

 

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I have strict orders to not let you on set,” he replied.

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Olive said, “Who gave you  _ that _ order, may I ask?”

 

“What would have been me,” said Quinn, her hand dropped to barely touch Rachel’s wrist, signalling for her to stay behind Quinn, “I actually banned you from set years ago but that hasn’t seemed to work. Maybe a restraining order is in order.” 

 

Rachel saw Quinn glance at her out of the corner of her eye, but she was focused on her mother, focused on keeping her breathing normally, focused on keeping the panic attack that was building in her chest at bay. 

 

“That’s rich coming from you, Quinn,” Olive sneered, “Especially since I have proof that you are abusing your power to engage in sexual misconduct with your subordinates, namely, my daughter.”

 

“What?” Rachel said. It felt absurdly like being caught breaking curfew after a date, but there was no way her mother knew about last night in Quinn’s apartment. There was just no way.

 

Beside her, Quinn had gone still, “You don’t have anything,” she said, but the bite Rachel was expecting to hear was absent.

 

“I do!” Olive pulled a crisp photo from her purse and thrust it in Quinn’s face. 

 

Rachel gasped. It was a black and white shot of them both, on the couch in Quinns office the night Rachel had ripped Quinn’s shirt open and kissed her until they both couldn’t breathe, leaving those tell-tale hickey’s on Quinn’s throat. 

 

Quinn snatched the photo from Olive’s hands.

 

“Don’t worry, I have copies,” said Olive, then turned to Rachel, “Rachel, honey, you need to come home. I don’t know what sort of depravity you’ve fallen into here but it’s not healthy for you. You can’t let this woman turn you into some sort of homosexual, that’s just not you.”

 

Rachel was still staring at the photo in Quinn’s hands, “How- Quinn- Where did she get this? How did you get this?”

 

“How much?” Quinn asked Olive, not looking at Rachel, “I’ll write the check right now. How much for you to give me all the copies and leave us alone?”

 

“I can’t put a price on the well being of my only daughter,” Olive said, hand to her chest. 

 

“Ten thousand dollars?” Quinn said, “Fifteen?”

 

“Quinn how does she have this?” Rachel grabbed her arm, her voice rising.

 

“You!” Quinn pointed at a PA, “Bring me my purse from my office. Now!” 

 

Rachel’s heart pounded in her ears. She felt hot and cold all at the same time, the collar of the shirt she’d borrowed from Quinn suddenly too tight. Quinn wouldn’t look at her, only continuing to stare Rachel’s mother down. 

 

No one would explain what was happening and she felt so small and helpless, “Please,” she grabbed Quinn’s arm. 

 

“I received the photos on my doorstep,” Olive said, finally, “There were all variations of the same, from someone looking out for you, Rachel, I suppose. But who’d want to look out for you, I have no idea.”

 

“It’s a good thing your father didn’t see them,” added Olive, “It would have crushed him.”

 

“No,” Rachel whispered. 

 

“Rach,” Quinn said softly. 

 

“Here,” the PA returned, nervously handing Quinn her purse before scampering off. No one paid her any mind as Quinn pulled out her checkbook and a pen.

 

“This is the last time I’ll ask, how much?” said Quinn, her pen poised. 

 

“Twenty thousand is a nice round number,” Olive said, “I could help so many people with my practice with that money.”

 

Feeling sick, Rachel watched Quinn write the check then hold it out to Olive. But she didn’t let go.

 

“The photos,” she said, “All copies.”

 

Sighing, Olive pulled a manila envelope from her purse and handed them over before snatching the check from Quinn,  “This is it. But Rachel, I hope you contact your Human Resources department and report this predator! If you come back home, I can help you through this, deception.” 

 

“Get out,” Quinn growled, she waved her hand towards Olive, “Security!” 

 

But as she watched her mother leave, now twenty thousand dollars richer, Rachel felt Quinn’s hand close around her upper arm, “My office. Now.”

 

… 

 

Thankfully, Rachel waited until they were behind closed doors to explode.

 

“What the fuck was that?” she demanded as Quinn walked behind her desk, “How did my  _ mother _ have pictures of us all but fucking on your couch?” 

 

Quinn unlocked the drawer where she’d been keeping the letters, pulling out the file of photos and threatening notes. Unceremoniously, she dropped them on the desk. 

 

“Ever since we started filming again, I’ve been getting… these,” Quinn said, not meeting Rachel’s eyes, “And then yesterday I found a camera in my office.” 

 

Rachel stalked forward, still upset by her mother and that her questions had yet to be answered. Leaning over the desk, she flicked open the file. Quinn couldn’t watch as Rachel went through the notes and photos. She sat down in her office chair to wait. 

 

Finally, Rachel said, “You’ve been getting these since filming started?”

 

“Yes,” Quinn looked up at her.  

 

“And you didn’t tell me?”

 

“I was going to take care of it, before it got out of hand.”

 

“You were going to take care of it? What did you think you were going to do? Find this psycho and say hey stop threatening us? By yourself?” Rachel cried, “This isn’t even blackmail, Quinn, this is straight up death threats!”

 

“You think I don’t know that?”

 

“Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you planning on waiting until we both get murdered? This involves me too, I deserve to know!”

 

“I’m telling you right now!”

 

“Yeah, because you have to, because my mother showed up and made a scene,” Rachel ran a hand through her hair, “Fuck, Quinn, I thought we said no secrets.” 

 

“Rachel-”

 

“No, you know what? I’m done talking about this. I need to go,” Rachel said, and slammed the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes congrats on finishing this chapter, please let me know what you think!


	10. i thought that love was a kind of emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Quinn reflects, Rachel makes a phone call, and Mike gets into (another) fight

Quinn loved it when girls cried during elimination, the messier the better. Waterproof mascara had been permanently banned from set, so every black streaked tear that ran down Maggie’s face showed up on camera as Vanessa cut her, Tanner, and Joseph. 

 

But Quinn didn’t like tears that were her own, leaving wet tracks across her face as she tried to angrily swipe away any evidence. Unfortunately that didn’t change the fact that crying left her nose and eyes rimmed red. 

 

Rachel had produced the group date and the elimination ceremony beautifully. She’d channeled her anger into pushing the contestants to their limits and now they had two cat fights, one breakdown, and so many perfect shots to edit though. Then, as soon as they’d cut for the evening, Rachel left, without even a backward glance as she stormed off set. She hadn’t even looked at Quinn for the rest of the day and then she had taken her Jeep and driven off into the night. 

 

Quinn finished her four glass of whiskey. She was torn on whether or not to head home for the night. On one hand, her bed would still smell like Rachel, but on the other, she knew that for the first time in a long time the large expanse of down and warmth would feel far too empty. 

 

She turned on the security camera feed, scrolling through each one. Chet was walking alone near the crew trucks. Quinn considered this. It would be easy to find him, to casually run into him. Then one thing would lead to another, as it usually did. She knew that if she went to find Chet she wouldn’t be spending the night alone. 

 

But that wasn’t what she wanted, not really. Going back to Chet, again, would just complicate things. Quinn closed her eyes. Her feelings for Rachel left her heart pounding, and fear raced through her bloodstream whenever she thought about what she’d almost said last night in the heat of the moment. And then she’d fucked it up. 

 

She had to fix it. For all the times they’d fallen apart, they’d always had time to fix things again. But now it felt like the walls were closing in, like their stalker circled as a wolf would before striking, like time was running out. Quinn was not going to lose Rachel to this monster making their lives miserable. 

 

Opening her eyes, Quinn clicked through a couple more feeds when something caught her eyes. The footage was dark and grainy, but, yes that was definitely Leo knocking on the door to the Suitress suite. She switched the view to inside the suite, and was surprised to find the camera uncovered. 

 

Quinn watched as Vanessa let Leo in, her body language seductive and flirty the entire time. 

 

“It looks like an old dog  _ can _ learn new tricks,” Quinn murmured to herself as she watched Leo kiss Vanessa, and Vanessa begin to inviting his shirt. 

 

It was voyeuristic, but Quinn couldn’t look away and instead poured herself another whiskey. It was information gathering to better produce both Leo and Vanessa, or so she told herself. 

 

As Vanessa leaned back on the bed, and Leo crawled on top of 

 

… 

 

As she started on the long drive back up to her cabin, Rachel fumbled one-handedly with her phone, searching for a number she should have deleted a year ago. 

 

Setting it to speaker, she listened to it ring as she drove through the darkness. 

 

“Rachel?” The familiar voice made her skin crawl, “I didn’t expect to ever hear from you again. Is something wrong?” 

 

“Where are you?” She asked, trying to keep everything but cold questioning out of her voice.

 

“I’m really glad you called,” he said, “Are you still working at Everlasting?” 

 

After a pause, Rachel said “Yeah, yeah I am.” 

 

“It’s going to kill you Rachel,” 

 

That’s exactly what she was worried about. She left that ominous statement hang in the air as she turned a corner, driving farther and farther away from the city lights. 

 

“Where are you?” She asked again.

 

“I’m in Oregon, I got a place up here, a nice job. I think you’d like it.” 

 

“How long have you been there?” 

 

“About six months.”

 

“And you haven’t come to California at all? Can you prove it?” Rachel pressed. 

 

“No I really can’t, Why are you really calling? What’s this about?”

 

“I-“  _ I think you’re planning on killing me and Quinn,  _ “I thought I saw you. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t you.” 

 

“Did you want it to be me?” Her phone was so clear that for a moment it sounded like she wasn’t alone in her car. 

 

“No. I don’t want to ever see you again,”

 

“How’s Quinn?” 

 

Rachel’s heart leapt to her throat. It was him. It had to be him. She could feel all her fear and anxiety bundled in her chest, it was like an enormous weight was holding her down. 

 

“She’s fine.” 

 

“From you’re tone of voice it doesn’t sound like it. I know you don’t want to hear this-“

 

“Then don’t say it.”

 

“- but she really doesn’t care about you. I know she probably makes you think she does, but you’re just a tool to her, Rachel.” 

 

She thought about the night before, in Quinn’s office when she began to cry. She thought about Quinn holding her so tight, the feeling of Quinn’s lips moving against her temple,  _ Tell me what’s wrong, tell me how I can fix it, Rachel, you’re scaring me sweetheart.  _

 

“You’re wrong, Quinn cares about me a lot!” Her words came out sharp, but raw, with a edge of emotion. She hadn’t realized she was crying until her tears hit the tops of legs and blurred her vision. Rachel gripped the steering wheel. 

 

“Maybe, in her own twisted way, she does think she cares about you, but it’s not real Rachel,” the connection was beginning to cut in and out.

 

“Just leave us alone!” Rachel cried, “Stop sending the letters and photos and just leave us alone!” 

 

There was silence, then her phone makes a fast beeping sound. When Rachel reached to check her phone, she realized she’d driven so far out that she’d lost the signal. 

 

The call was over. 

 

… 

 

Vanessa sighed with pleasure, and Quinn knew a real orgasm when she heard one. She knew she shouldn’t be watching, not real time at least, but Vanessa’s fucked up life was an easy distraction from her own.

 

Leo rolled over, pulling the blankets up around them. Vanessa smiled, kissing him softly, before getting up and slipping on a robe. Leo, much like most men Quinn had known, fell asleep almost immediately. 

 

She disappeared off camera for a moment, and Quinn was going to turn off the feed, but then Vanessa reappeared, throwing a towel over the camera. 

 

Quinn sat back, surprised. Vanessa wasn’t the idiot she’d assumed. She knew exactly what she was doing. 

 

… 

 

She lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been hours since the phone call, and hours since she’d showered and gotten into bed, but sleep still eluded her. Every time she closed her eyes it was just Quinn, Quinn, Quinn behind her eyelids. 

 

Last night had been grief sex, or something akin to it. Grief sex’s cousin, the thing that happened when you were terrified for your life and needed to feel something, even if it was just for a little while. 

 

But of course it was Rachel, and it was Quinn, and they couldn’t just be okay. It was as if the universe wouldn’t allow it. Instead Quinn had hidden the danger they were in from her, she decided not to tell her that a crazy stalker was taking photos of them, and now her mother knew. 

 

Rachel groaned. Olive Goldberg knew. Someone had sent her photos of Rachel on top of Quinn, Quinn with her shirt off, Rachel kissing the soft skin between Quinn’s breasts. It was modifying. 

 

Pushing all thoughts of her mother from her mind, Rachel let her hand slip beneath the waistband of her underwear. She thought about how Quinn had asked, voice gentler than normal, permission to touch her. Rachel pretended her hand was Quinn’s, that Quinn was lying beside her again, getting her off. She was still angry at being kept in the dark, but she ached, oh how she ached, for Quinn’s touch again. 

 

With the thought of Quinn, she got herself off, but it wasn’t as satisfying as she wanted it to be. But it did tire her enough that soon Rachel’s eyes were fluttering shut of their own accord, and she was slipping into a sleep where her dreams would only be of Quinn, and whatever horrors awaited them.

 

… 

 

“Camera C pushing in on Leo,” Quinn said into her walkie as Leo approached the breakfast table. 

 

“Good morning gentlemen,” Leo said on screen with a smile, “How did everyone sleep?”

 

Rachel slipped in the back, Quinn didn’t need to turn to see and simply snapped, “Over here Goldberg.”

 

She also didn’t need to look to know that Rachel rolled her eyes as she dropped down into the chair beside where Quinn stood. Nevertheless, Quinn pushed a coffee towards her. It was a peace offering that was met with suspicious eyes.

 

“Don’t think you can gift your way out of this-” Rachel whispered as Quinn turned her laptop to face her and hit play.

 

“What you missed last night,” she said, cutting Rachel off. 

 

Rachel leaned forward to watch, taking a sip of the coffee. It was muted but the screen was replayed the feed from Vanessa’s room.

 

“She had this covered…” Rachel murmured in confusion. Quinn waited a few moments for Rachel to see what they were doing, then reached over and fast forwarded to the part where Vanessa recovered the camera. 

 

“She knew exactly what she was doing,” Quinn said, hand resting on the back of Rachel’s chair, “I want you to talk to her today, figure out what she’s planning because there is a plan there. Okay?”

 

Rachel nodded, then seemed to remember she was mad at Quinn and glanced up at her, tight lipped and through narrowed eyes, “Whatever you say boss.”

 

Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes back to the monitors where Mike had turned beat red. Leo was leaning back in his chair, arms behind his head. 

 

“Take that back,” Mike all but snarled. 

 

Leo continued to grin, “Just because you’re too much of a little boy to make a move doesn’t mean we all can’t. Vee was screaming my name all night, on her back, just how I like ‘em.”

 

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Mike said. 

 

“Camera A, zoom in on Mike. Camera B, Leo,” Quinn said. 

 

“Cmon Mikey, it’s all just fun, I’m sure you’ve said your share about Vee after a day of feeling her up on the ice,” Leo jeered and that’s when Mike’s fist connected with his jaw. 

 

And with that, Quinn cheered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow yes another chapter! It's kind of a short one though. Let me know what you think and hopefully the wait between this chapter and the next won't be another month.


	11. and I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Vanessa and Mike show their true colors, there’s a surprise guest on the Everlasting set, and Quinn breaks a glass

Using a warm washcloth, Vanessa gently dabbed the blood from Mike’s face before applying antibiotics to a bandaid and pressing it over the cut. Mike winced. 

 

“Sorry,” Vanessa said, “But you didn’t have to get into another fist fight.”

 

Mike shrugged, “I didn’t like the way he was talking about you- and you did tell me to make a scene.” 

 

“I hate it when you get hurt,” said Vanessa. 

 

“I hate this place,” returned Mike. 

 

“We’re almost done though,” she finished bandaging his face, “soon we can go back to normal and it will be just a distant nightmare.” 

 

Mike leaned back, regarding Vanessa for a moment, before saying, “You know, pretending to hate each other on a reality show to create our own big family tale romance is probably your craziest scheme.” 

 

“Crazier than, at nine and a half, deciding that we’re going to become Olympic skaters?” 

 

“Well,” Mike smirked, “It’s definitely up there.” 

 

Vanessa smiled back, “And you’re still okay with this pretend to hate each other then pretend to fall in love, thing?” 

 

“I’m still here right?” Mike said as he sat up again and took her hands, “Nessa, listen, I know you think we have to do this fucked up show to be able to skate together again but if-“ 

 

A knock at the door cut him off, “Vanessa? It’s Quinn. Can I come in?” 

 

“Just a second!” Vanessa cried, grabbing Mike’s arm and gesturing for him to hide under the bed. As he rolled underneath, Vanessa shouted, “coming!” And kicked his shoes after him. 

 

“Hi,” she said brightly, a little too brightly, as she opened the door for Quinn, “No Rachel today? I thought you’d handed me off to her. You know, because I was being difficult, but I think I just needed to adjust to…. all this!” 

 

Vanessa was aware that she was babbling. It felt like she was watching herself from outside her body, and yelling at the screen to shut up. 

 

Quinn eyed her suspiciously, “No, no Rachel for now. I had something I wanted to talk to you about.” 

 

“Is it Mike and Leo?” Vanessa asked, “I heard there was a fight, something about Leo saying nasty things about me?” 

 

“Yes, exactly,” Quinn said, “News definitely travels fast on set.” 

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll cut him tonight,” said Vanessa, “That is, if you think I should.” 

 

Quinn raised an eyebrow, face otherwise impassive, “Really? But you two got along so well last night.”

 

Vanessa felt herself flush, “I- uh, what do you mean?” 

 

“You know what I mean.” 

 

“Well since you insist we both know, why don’t you elaborate,” Vanessa said, pulling herself up to her full height, which had a few inches on Quinn. 

 

“So,” Quinn continued to smile pleasantly, “is this the real Vanessa?”

 

Vanessa didn’t answer. 

 

“Last night you uncovered that camera,” Quinn said, pointing, “Which had been covered since the moment you arrived at Everlasting. But it was only uncovered long enough for you to fuck Leo, who got into a fight this morning with your ex partner, Mike.” 

 

“The world works in mysterious ways,” Vanessa replied, “Or in this case, gravity.”

 

“Please, we both know this isn’t gravity,” said Quinn with a smirk.

 

“Why is it whenever you come to visit me we end up fighting?”  Vanessa asked. She let her posture relax, putting one hand on her hip. “I’d rather be friends. This would all work better that way, right?”

 

Quinn’s smirked changed to a sickly sweet smile that Vanessa knew was fake, “Friends? Wouldn’t that be nice. How about as a friend, you tell me what your plan is. Obvious there is one.”

 

“It’s so sad when men misrepresent themselves,” Vanessa said, pretending to pout, “They’ll say anything to get you into bed then they’re slut shaming you to the guys. It’s a sad male epidemic, don’t you think?”

 

“It is very unfortunate,” agreed Quinn, “But do you think the viewers would agree with you? Or condemn a woman who sleeps around?”

 

Vanessa continued to smile, it was test, a merry war of words, and she was enjoying it. She felt that she and Quinn were equally matched.

 

“Times are changing, but I think you already know that,” Vanessa said, “If my sources are correct, you’re the one who helped expose Gary Taylor abuse of his power over those women. You really seem to have started a movement.”

 

“Maybe so,” Quinn’s eyes flicked across the room before coming back to settle on Vanessa, “Are you ready for today’s date?”

 

“It’s a two person date right? We’re going to be taking a cooking class?”

 

“Yeah,” Quinn tilted her head, “Why don’t you pick Leo and Mike? It’ll be great for ratings, kay?”

 

Vanessa felt her smile falter, “I- are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

“Don’t you trust me?”

 

“No.”

 

“Smart. Pick Leo and Mike.”

 

Vanessa nodded and watched as Quinn walked out, shutting the door behind her. 

 

“How was that?” Vanessa asked as she locked the door behind Quinn, “Did it sound like she caught me off guard?”

 

“You really slept with Leo?” Mike said as he crawled out from under the bed. 

 

“I had to make sure no one has any reason to believe we’re together,” she said, thinking back to Rachel telling her that she talked about Mike too much. She bit her lip as Mike stood and reached out to her. 

 

“Just be careful okay?” He said, wrapping his arms around Vanessa, “It’s a whole other world here.” 

 

She felt the tension in her shoulders ebb away in his embrace, “Okay, I will.” 

 

… 

 

Rachel let herself into Quinn’s office. She chewed the inside of her cheek, unsure why Quinn had summoned her there. Was it about Vanessa? The show? Their fight?  Quinn’s expression was impassive, but she was pale, holding a piece of paper. 

 

“You wanted to be included,” Quinn said and held out the paper, “Here.”

 

Taking it, Rachel read the typed page.

 

_ If you run from me,  _

_ I’ll hang her from a tree, _

_ If you call the cops, _

_ It’ll be the gun that pops, _

_ Try to track me down? _

_ I’ll bury Rachel in the ground. _

 

“It was brought in with the mail,” said Quinn, “I- I don’t know what to do. But now you know.”

 

Rachel felt cold all over, and she dropped down into a chair trying to stop the world from spinning. Letting the paper fall to the floor, she put her head in her hands. 

 

“Maybe I should leave the show,” Rachel said, “Maybe that what they want.” 

 

“This isn’t blackmail, it’s just threats, threats to kill you then me.” 

 

“What if-“ began Rachel as Quinn’s walkie talkie crackled to life. 

 

“Has anyone seen Rachel?” the voice from the walkie said, “There’s a Dr. Simon here to see her?”

 

In the infinitesimally long second that followed, Rachel lifted her head to look Quinn in the eyes, “I’m sorry.” 

 

… 

 

Jay clicked through the camera feeds on his laptop, searching for something he could use, something exploitable. He needed an edge, especially if Rachel and Quinn were fucking. 

 

Things weren’t all bad though, there was Ben. There was sneaking around blind spots in the security cameras for quick kisses and blow jobs. Ben was pretty obviously using him to get better shots and more camera time, but it was television, everyone was using everyone, even Quinn and Rachel. 

 

Jay clicked the laptop. A shot of the pool. Click. Quinn leaving Vanessa’s room. Click. Madison making out with Ben by the bathrooms. He stopped, leaning in closer, double checking that the feed was being recorded, and zoomed in. 

 

In the grainy feed, Madison pressed up against Ben, her hands in gripping his shirt. Ben’s hands were on her waist. 

 

“You little slut,” Jay whispered. That’s why Madison had been casually suggesting Ben for dates. 

 

Jay smiled. Why not let her? Ben was his guy and if Madison wanted to help him m with his job, he’d let her. 

 

…

 

Snatching the walkie talkie off the desk, Quinn was out the door and after Rachel without a second thought. She heard Dr. Simon call out to them from where he had been stopped by one of the security guards, and Rachel’s faltering step was enough to catch up with her. Quinn’s hand wrapped around Rachel’s upper arm with a steely grip, jerking her so they stood face to face. 

 

“What did you mean _ you’re sorry _ ?” Quinn demanded, “Did you bring him here?” 

 

Rachel didn’t try to pull free, “No, no I called him last night because I thought if I told him to leave us alone it would all stop. I was trying to make it stop Quinn!”

 

“You don’t know it was him,” said Quinn, her voice low. 

 

“Rachel!” Dr. Simon called as he and the security guard began walking towards them. 

 

“Did you say anything about the letters and photos?” Quinn hissed. 

 

“I- I think so,” Rachel said, “Quinn-“ 

 

Quinn glanced around at the crowd that was beginning to form. The crew was drawn to drama like vultures circling a soon to be dead animal. 

 

“Don’t talk to him, I’ll deal with this. I’ll clean up your mess  _ again _ .” 

 

Releasing her grip on Rachel’s arm, Quinn turned to face Dr. Simon. She tilted her chin up and squared her shoulders back, pulling herself up to her full height. Outwardly, Quinn had a posed appearance despite her heart pounding so hard she thought it would burst from her chest. Beside her, Rachel slouched, chagrined. 

 

“Dr. Simon,” Quinn said, “I thought I had you banned from set. Maybe I should have gotten a restraining order so you’d stop harassing my producers.” 

 

“She doesn’t really care about you Rachel, not like I do,” Dr. Simon said, looking past Quinn, “She’s just using you because you make her money.” 

 

“You’re delusional,” Rachel snapped, and Quinn reached back, hand brushing her wrist to silence her. Rachel jerked her hand away. 

 

“I’m going to use simple words because apparently this is hard for you to get through your thick skull,” Quinn said, “Get off my set. I’ll give you until the count of ten, then I’m calling the cops.” 

 

Dr. Simon glared. Stepping closer, Quinn could feel anger burn through her. The fear, disgust, and confusion from the past several weeks bubbled up into searing anger, all directed at the man in front of her. 

 

“And if I ever see you anywhere near Rachel again, I will cut your dick off and shove it so far down your throat you’ll be shitting semen,” Quinn snarled, so quietly that only they could hear. The security guard next to Dr. Simon shifted, visibly uncomfortable. 

 

“Quinn!” Rachel said, then turned to Dr. Simon, “You need to leave.” 

 

“Rachel, her control over you isn’t healthy! You got away from your mother, you can break free from her!” 

 

“One,” Quinn began, crossing her arms. 

 

“Okay pal, let’s go,” the security guard said, as he lead Dr. Simon away.

 

They watched until Dr. Simon was out of slight, then Quinn sighed, rubbing her forehead with one hand. 

 

“Alright, shows over, back to work!” She snapped as the gathered crew, still gaping at them.

 

“I,” Quinn continued, more to Rachel than anyone else, “Am going to go look into filing a restraining order, unless you plan on inviting him back for drinks tonight.” 

 

Rachel’s mouth pressed into a thin line as she glared at Quinn.

 

“What?” Quinn knew she was pushing the limits of Rachel’s annoyance with the question, but she asked anyway. 

 

“Thanks Quinn,” Said Rachel, her tone cold as ice, “I don’t know how I do anything without you.” 

 

Pivoting on her heel, Rachel stalked back to set, leaving Quinn alone in the driveway. 

 

…

 

Glaring at nothing in particular, Rachel watched as the cameras focused in on Vanessa, Mike, and Leo. She’s already cut James, Ritchie, and Ashley, but the date with Leo and Mike had gone disastrous and with the way they planned to cut the footage, it would be anyone’s guess who she’d cut next. 

 

Except Rachel already knew. 

 

So she waited, arms crossed, wishing shooting would just finish for the night so she could go home and have a glass of wine and a hot shower. 

 

“Camera A zoom in on Leo,” she said, reflexively as she mentally planned the best way to get from where she was to her Jeep without running into Quinn.  

 

Leo looked expectantly at Vanessa as he stood next to Mike. Vanessa smiled at them both as she held a single rose. 

 

“Leo, Mike, today’s date showed me that I want a partner who isn’t just talk, so Leo, I’m sorry, but our time has come to an end,” Vanessa turned to Mike, “Mike, while I appreciate you jumping to my defense, I can fight my own battles. But your character has remained consistent during this entire journey. Would except this rose?”

 

“Of course Nessa,” Mike said as Leo glowered and stormed away.

 

“Camera A follow Leo!” Rachel said into her walkie. 

 

Within an hour, they had wrapped. Leo’s things were brought out to him after an angry exit interview. Vanessa sighed as she watched the PA carry his suitcase out to the waiting car.

 

“It’s too bad he was a dick,” she comment to Rachel, “Because he was great in bed.”

 

Only slightly surprised, Rachel opened her mouth to reply when Jay’s voice crackled in her ear, “Hey Rach? Can you come to the control room, like now?”

 

“What’s up Jay?”

 

“You just need to come here.”

 

Jay met her at the door, blocking her way. His voice was low as he said, “Your girlfriend is super drunk. Like, more than usual.”

 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Rachel hissed, “And she can take care of herself.”

 

“I’m not so sure about that,” said Jay as he stepped aside, letting Rachel in, “She’s in her office.”

 

Rachel waved him off, approaching the door to Quinn’s office. A clatter could be hear from inside, glass hitting glass a little too hard. Taking a deep breath, Rachel opened the door and stepped inside.

 

“Quinn?” 

 

“Goldie,” Quinn slurred, taking a sip from her tumbler of whiskey, “I thought you were avoiding me.”

 

“You’re drunk Quinn.”

 

“And you’re insufferable,” Quinn wandered closer, “But so intoxicating.”

 

Rachel sighed, “This is ridiculous. Were you this drunk when we were filming? Give me that.”

 

She reached for Quinn’s glass, but it slipped from Quinn’s grasp, shattering on the floor.

 

“Fuck,” Rachel muttered, and bent to pick up the shards. 

 

“Is everything okay in here?” a familiar voice said behind them. Dr. Allison James hovered in the doorway, “I thought I heard something break?”

 

“We’re fine,” Rachel said, “Just dropped a glass.”

 

“You’re not really a redhead,” Quinn commented, “You need to get your roots done.”

 

“I- uh,” Allison self consciously touched her hair.

 

“I have an excellent stylist if you need someone, but you probably can’t afford him,” 

 

“Okay, bye Allison, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Rachel said all but pushing Allison out the door. She shut it and turned to Quinn, “I’m taking you home.”

 

Quinn had moved to sit on the couch. She smiled up at Rachel, “You always come back to me.”

 

“No, that’s not what this is, and don’t think this means I’m not still mad at you because I am! God, Quinn, I’m not the only fuck up here, you keep saying ‘oh I have to clean up for you again Rachel,’ well news flash! I’m always fixing shit for you too! Remember all the times I’ve saved the show! Remember Gary? Remember  _ August _ ?” Rachel cried. 

 

Quinn’s eyes widened and she pulled back, surprised at Rachel’s sudden outburst, “You done?”

 

Rachel chest was heaving, her heart pounding in her ears, “Yeah, for now.”

 

“Then why are you still here?” Quinn said, sharp and angry.

 

“Because you’re too drunk to drive,” Rachel replied, grabbing Quinn by the wrist and pulling her up, “And I guess I’m fixing this too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi. I still exist and I still miss Unreal. hmu on tumblr @ regardstosoulandromance if you want to talk about unreal or any thing <3


	12. so casually cruel in the name of being honest

The sunlight filled the room, casting warm beams across the bed and the occupants in it. But the light only served to compound the headache that felt akin a glass breaking over and over again behind Quinn’s eyelids. She groaned. Rolling over, Quinn’s arm wrapped around the person in bed next to her, instinctively snuggling closer. 

 

“Quinn,” a voice broke through her sleepy haze. 

 

“Too loud,” Quinn mumbled, nuzzling Rachel’s throat. She was warm and the bed was warm and Rachel smelled good. 

 

“Quinn,” this time Rachel sounded frosty. 

 

Lifting her head, Quinn looked at her, running a hand throw her messy bangs before rolling over again onto her back, “Did we…?”

 

“No,” Rachel snorted, getting out of bed, “You were super drunk last night, do you even remember anything? No, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”

 

Pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes, Quinn ignored Rachel’s argumentative barbs. She didn’t want to talk about the night before anyway, and she doubted Rachel did either, not really. 

 

“We need to be on set in two hours,” said Rachel, “I’m going to shower.”

 

Quinn watched her disappear into the bathroom out of the corner of her eye. She lay in bed a few minutes longer, waiting until her heard the shower start, then she got up and followed Rachel into the bathroom. 

 

… 

 

Getting Quinn home the night before had been relatively easy. She let Rachel lead her, let her undress her, let her get into bed with her. Rachel then lay in the dark, watching as Quinn drifted off to sleep. She brushed away a stay price of hair from Quinn’s forehead and kissed her temple.  _ Why is it always like this? _ Rachel thought as she had fallen asleep,  _ why can't we both be okay together? _

 

Now Rachel left the door to the bathroom open, stripping before turning on the shower. Standing in the hot stream of water she listened for Quinn in the other room. 

 

Reaching for Quinn’s fancy shampoo, she wondered if she wasn’t going to be showering alone, an idea she wasn’t opposed to. The shampoo smelled like coconuts and sugar and Quinn. She lathered it into her hair, turning around and tipping her head back to rinse it out. 

 

Once she’d opened her eyes again, Rachel could see someone moving outside the frosted glass of the shower. She turned back around to face the stream of water as Quinn joined her. Rachel sighed, relaxing her shoulders as she felt Quinn move her hair aside and kiss the base of her neck. She turned, kissing Quinn just left of the scar above her lip. 

 

Quinn didn’t apologize. She did, however, kneel on the cold, hard tile floor of the shower. Rachel pressed back into the wall, out the stream of water, bracing herself on the slick tile. Quinn kissed her way down Rachel’s navel. A moan escaped Rachel’s lips as Quinn lifted Rachel’s leg over her shoulder and kissed the inside of her thigh. 

 

Rachel bit her lip, feeling her face flush at just how fast Quinn could reduce her to a trembling, moaning mess. One hand dropped to rest on Quinn’s other shoulder for balance as Quinn’s tongue hit home, dipping inside her before moving to circle Rachel’s clit. The world dissolved into the sound of the shower and Quinn’s teeth and tongue. Her breath came in sharp gasps, and Rachel orgasmed embarrassingly fast. 

 

Getting back up to her feet, Quinn flashed Rachel the closest thing to a rueful look that Quinn was capable of before gently kissing her. Rachel sighed against Quinn’s mouth, tasting herself on her lips. Quinn stretched up and whispered, “Thank you, for taking care of me last night.” 

 

As Quinn pulled away, Rachel held her gaze for a moment longer before stepping out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel, and walking back into the bedroom. 

 

…

 

“And ACTION!” Quinn called over the walkie talkies, standing in the middle of the bustling control room.

 

“Camera A, zoom in on Graham,” she heard Rachel say over the walkies, as Quinn watched the crew follow the direction on the monitor. It was the first shot of they day, one where Vanessa would pick one person to go on a date. 

 

“Welcome to Everlasting,” Graham said to the camera, “Where true love knows no gender.” 

 

Quinn rolled her eyes. 

 

“Today Vanessa will pick one lucky person to go on a one on one date with and tonight, after saying goodbye to two of our contestants, Vanessa will pick someone for an overnight date,” Graham walked over to place a hand on Vanessa’s forearm. 

 

“What about me?” A very familiar voice said, “Don’t I get to toss my hat in the ring?” 

 

“What the fuck?” Rachel said in Quinn’s ear, “Quinn how could you-“ 

 

The cameras panned around to settle on August Walker, the Australian hunk of Quinn’s nightmares. She didn’t even wait to call cut, storming out of the control room and into the mansion at full speed. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” She demanded, blowing past an annoyed and upset looking Rachel. 

 

“Whoa,” August held both his hands up, “I was invited here, Quinn. Didn’t you know?” 

 

“Invited? By who?” Quinn spun to face Rachel who shook her head. 

 

“Surprise!” Chet said, stepping out from the shadows. He rubbed his hands together, looking to Quinn like a rat who’d just gotten some cheese. 

 

“Isn’t it great?” Chet continued, “August here is a fan favorite from last season so I thought that throwing him into the mix would liven things up.” 

 

Quinn couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “You thought?!” 

 

“Excuse me,” Vanessa said, “What’s going on?” 

 

“Vanessa, this is August, he’s going to be joining the other contestants contesting for your heart,” said Chet in a singsongy voice. 

 

“No,” Quinn said to Vanessa, then turned to Chet, “No, he’s not.” 

 

“Uh wasn’t he the one who assaulted someone last season?” Vanessa asked. 

 

“He already signed the contract Quinny, he’s here to stay,” Chet said. 

 

Quinn’s face flushed with anger. 

 

“You in my office right now,” Quinn pointed at Chet, “you too Goldberg.” 

 

“We haven’t cut yet,” Rachel pointed out. 

 

“Cut!” Quinn yelled into her walkie. As she stalked off to her office, she could still hear her own voice reverberate through the crew’s earpieces. 

 

… 

 

“August Walker?” Quinn said as soon as her office door was closed, “Are you for real?” 

 

Rachel rubbed her hands on the front of her jeans. Seeing August again made her blood pressure rise, but not in the way seeing an attractive man usually did. Now Quinn was fired up and all Rachel could think about was Quinn and August, and August and Quinn, and her own jealous fantasies that played behind her eyelids when she tired to sleep. 

 

“It’s already done Quinn,” Said Chet, “Contracts have been signed. August is here and Vanessa is going to pick him for the hometown date.” 

 

“What? The hometown date?” Quinn cried, “No. This is unacceptable.” 

 

“He gets views.”

 

“We  _ have _ views.”

 

“He gets more views!”

 

“This has been our best season yet!”  

 

“Well I’m making it better!” 

 

“Vanessa doesn’t trust him,” Rachel said, breaking through the noise. 

 

“What?” Chet and Quinn said in near unison. 

 

“Vanessa doesn’t trust him,” repeated Rachel, “She watched last season and she saw August with the Park ranger.” 

 

“Yeah, he told me about that, said you set him up,” Said Chet, turning his attention to Rachel. 

 

Rachel shrugged, “It doesn’t matter if I did or not, what matters is Vanessa and the viewers think he assaulted a woman last season and now he’s back.” 

 

“So you’ll make it look like he’s reformed,” Said Chet, “Since you’re so good at that, the best, right Quinn?” 

 

Quinn didn’t answer that,and instead rubbed her eyes. “I am so tired of fighting everyone,” she said, “Look, we are both executive producers, you can’t just go over my head like that. It makes us look weak to the crew when we’re supposed to be partners.” 

 

Rachel felt sick watching Chet’s face soften as he turned back to Quinn. It was the same hurt gnawing in the pit of her stomach that she got when Quinn and Chet were still together, when they’d look at each other lustfully or slip away to Quinn’s office for an extended lunch break. She felt small and invisible. 

 

“I thought you’d like the surprise,” Chet said to Quinn, stepping closer, “It was dramatic at least.” 

 

“You should have run it by me first,” Said Quinn. 

 

“I’m sorry kiddo,” he touched Quinn’s arm and Rachel couldn’t breathe. But she was rooted to the spot, unable to move or run away, just watch. 

 

“I want to see the contract you had him sign,” said Quinn, walking behind her desk, “And I guess we’re stuck with him until at least after the hometown date. Goldberg, go get Vanessa and August and bring them in here.” 

 

“Hey why did you set up August last season, weirdo?” Chet asked as Rachel opened the door. 

 

“Why don’t you ask Quinn.”

 

… 

 

Vanessa wasn’t happy. Everyone and everything around he had been upended into chaos as soon as that August guy walked in, smiling like he owned the place. 

 

She recognized him from her research into Everlasting. He’d been a fan favorite until the incident with the park ranger, then this popularity had only slightly dropped because, and Vanessa had rolled her eyes when realizing this, some women could forgive anything, provided the man involved was handsome. But considering the things she’d been told, and had read about, the show, she wondered if everything was as black and white as that episode had made it seem. 

 

Kara was talking to her, suggesting ideas as to what was happening but Vanessa wasn’t listening. Instead, she was watching as one of the producers, Jay, approached August. 

 

August sighed, “I shouldn’t have come back to this hell hole, no offense man.” 

 

“None taken,” Jay replied, “We don’t get a lot of rebounds.” 

 

“I believe that,” August said, “I should have known better, I shouldn’t have beloved Chet when he said Quinn was fine with this.” 

 

“Oh she had no clue, none of us did,” said Jay. 

 

It was then that Rachel walked it, looking like someone had just drown her favorite kitten, “August and Vanessa? Can you both come with me please?” 

 

“I’m August, by the way,” August said as he fell into step beside Vanessa, “It’s nice to meet you.” 

 

“You too,” she said. 

 

“I think we’re getting taken to Quinn’s office,” he said as they followed Rachel across set. It did feel remarkably like being marched to the principal’s office, or how she’d imagined that would feel like at least. 

 

“Have you been called to her office often?” Vanessa asked and August flushed. 

 

“Uh no,” He stammered, “I mean once or twice but not like a lot.” 

 

“Once or twice?” Rachel asked as she paused by the closed door. She shot a very annoyed look at August. Vanessa realized she was missing some piece of information. 

 

Rachel opened the door, letting them in walk in a head of her before following and shutting the door. Quinn stood in front of her desk, staring seriously at them while Chet lounged in an armchair. 

 

Vanessa bit lip as Quinn’s stern gaze settled on her for a moment. It had to have been that stupid show, that stupid place, that was getting to her but she couldn’t help but be ridiculously attracted to Quinn King. 

 

She shook her head, whatever was happening, developing a kind of crush on her kind of boss wouldn’t help. It would just interfere with her and Mike’s plan. 

 

“Vanessa,” Quinn said, “August is going to be joining the others in composting for your heart.” 

 

She said it with only the slightest touch of sarcasm, something that added to Vanessa’s respect for her, oddly enough. 

 

“In his contract, it was included that he will be your pick for the hometown date,” Quinn continued, “So in a week we’ll be going to-“ 

 

She paused and looked at August. “Melbourne, Australia,” he supplied. 

 

“Melbourne. If you decide you want to cut him, you’ll have to wait until after that,” said Quinn. 

 

“I don’t get to pick the hometown date?” Vanessa said, “So are you just going to announce that to everyone?” 

 

“No,” Chet said, “We’re still going to go through the whole thing of people pitching you their boring life story but you’re going to say that August’s was the most interesting so you want to pick him.” 

 

“You mean lie.” 

 

“You seemed to have no problem doing that during the Olympics,” said Quinn. 

 

“Yes, but this is reformed Vanessa, if the others find out I’m faking it, that won’t help my reputation,” Vanessa made an appropriately outraged face. She knew Quinn could probably see through her facade but there was still Chet, Rachel, and August to think of. 

 

“Please, every woman fakes it,” Quinn snorted, “the only people who know that August is getting the hometown date are the people in this room and that knowledge will stay in this room. Understood?” 

 

“But didn’t he assault someone last season,” Vanessa said, “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this.” 

 

“I didn’t attack anyone,” Said August, “it was a set up to make me look bad.” 

 

“What?” Vanessa looked from Quinn to Rachel, “Why?” 

 

“Serena, last seasons suitress, wanted him gone,” Quinn said, “She thought he had a wandering eye or something.” 

 

August rolled his eyes, “I wonder where she got that idea,” he muttered. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Said Chet, “The little weirdo over there is going to make sure August looks great so everyone forgets about last season’s scandal.” 

 

“You want me to be his producer?” Rachel said at the same time August said, “I don’t want Rachel producing me.” 

 

“Is there an echo in here? Yes, Rachel is now August’s producer so both of you suck it up and deal with it,” snapped Quinn, “Now get out of my office and go shoot August’s surprise return!” 

 

… 

 

“Rachel!” Quinn called from the control room, “Get in here!” 

 

Rachel had been passing by the open door on her way to her car. In a surprising turn of events, Vanessa picked Kara for the overnight date. First she had a horrible one on one date with Zion, who she cut along with Jillian during the elimination ceremony. Rachel blamed it on everything with August. 

 

“Close the door!” Said Quinn as Rachel walked in, “I put cameras in the overnight suite. Come watch with me.” 

 

“Quinn I’m really tired,” Rachel protested as Quinn pulled out a chair for her. 

 

“You don’t want to see Vanessa pop your girlfriend’s lady cherry?” 

 

“None of what you said makes sense,” said Rachel, sitting down, “Wouldn’t you rather do this with Chet?” 

 

Quinn rolled her eyes, pulling Rachel’s rolling chair closer to her own, “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, and didn’t elaborate as to why. 

 

Sullenly, Rachel slumped down in her chair. On the monitors Vanessa and Kara were kissing on the bed, clothes still mostly on. She tried to continue sulking and acting like she didn’t care, but out of the corner of her eye she kept sneaking glances at Quinn. 

 

“So, Australia,” Quinn said after a moment. 

 

“Yeah,” Rachel forced herself not to look over and instead kept her eyes on the monitors where finally something was happening. Vanessa had pulled off her shirt and was playing with top of Kara’s skirt. 

 

“At least we’ll be able to get some good shots,” said Quinn, “I don’t like that August is back though.”

 

“Oh really? I thought you’d like that your little play thing is back, just in case you get tired of me,” the words were out of Rachel’s mouth before she could think. She was too tired, too annoyed, and her biting tone was more of a reflex than anything else. Fighting with Quinn was so much easier than facing anything real. 

 

Quinn looked surprised for a split second before a guarded mask fell over her face, “Need I remind you that he threatened to sue me? Now we have  _ that _ to worry about on top of everything else, all because you didn’t do a good enough job getting rid of him last time.”

 

“So this is my fault now?” Rachel said as the sound of moaning came from the speakers. Vanessa and Kara were really getting hot and heavy, something she’d normally appreciate. Now it just served to amplify her annoyance. 

 

“Well it certainly isn’t mine!”

 

Rachel rolled her eyes, pushing herself out of her chair, “Whatever Quinn,” and with that, she let the door slam behind her. 

 


	13. for you i would cross the line, i would waste my time, i would lose my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which rachel tries to sort out her leftover feelings from the season before

“At Everlasting, surprises are our middle name,” Graham said, “And as we saw last time, nothing, and I mean nothing is out of the question. August, a favorite from last season, joined the quest for Vanessa’s affections.”

 

“The quest for Vanessa’s affections?” Quinn jeered at the screen in the control room, “What is this, Camelot?” 

 

Rachel slumped down in her chair next to Quinn’s. She was sullen and knew deep down that picking fights with Quinn wasn’t going to solve anything but that hadn’t stopped her in the past, and it wasn’t stopping her now. She felt like she was in the middle of spiraling out of control again. She was snowballing, picking up more frustration and angrier as she went and directing it all at Quinn. 

 

“C’mon,” Quinn acted like she was going to slap Rachel’s should but instead just brushed it with her fingertips, “That was funny.” 

 

Rachel shrugged, not looking up from the screen. On it Graham descended the staircase to stand in front of Vanessa, August, and the remaining contestants. 

 

“Let me be the first to say, welcome back,” Graham said as he placed a hand on August’s shoulder, “But you have some stiff competition to catch up to.” 

 

“Oh I bet, Graham,” August replied, flashing the camera a smile. 

 

Rachel felt a surge of jealousy at seeing him on the monitors again and sunk lower in her seat. But whether her jealousy was because her chances with August were ruined or if it was because Quinn had slept with him, she didn’t know. 

 

Vanessa smiles at August, a tight, closed lip smile that Rachel knew hid annoyance. Graham continued monologuing. 

 

“Today our contestants will be competing for a chance to show Vanessa their hometown,” he said, “Will next week’s hometown date take place in Seattle, Washington, Melbourne, Australia or somewhere in between? It’s all up to our suitress.” 

 

“And cut!” Quinn called through her walkie. 

 

On screen, Vanessa’s smile dropped and she rolled her eyes, “Is it really?” 

 

August opened his mouth to say something but Vanessa turned away. 

 

“Save it.” 

 

“Ooh, guess you’re going to have to try harder pal,” said Graham. 

 

Rachel’s eyes flicked across the screens as the crew set up for another shot. The other contestants were watching this exchange with fascination, Mike especially. 

 

“Uhg, what a loser,” Quinn said as she sat down, “We both dodged a bullet with that one, Goldie.” 

 

Glancing from Quinn to August on screen then back to Quinn again, an angry, twisted plan formed in Rachel’s mind. She pushed out her chair. 

 

“Listen, I’m going to go produce because, like, it’s my job. So I’ll catch up with you later,” she said, backing out of the control room. 

 

Quinn flashed her a confused look, “Yeah, okay, you do that.”

 

… 

 

August was regretting coming back to Everlasting. He regretted the first time, everything that happened with Serena, with Quinn, with Rachel, but the idea of more exposure for his budding company was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Chet has Skyped him with big ideas and August had thought maybe it would work this time, with Chet in charge at least he would have to deal with Quinn but oh how he’d been wrong. 

 

He glanced across the room at Vanessa, who wouldn’t give him the time of day, and sighed. This was a bad idea. It was a very bad idea, and what was worse was that he could see Rachel walking towards him. 

 

“Oh no, I don’t want to talk to you,” he said, holding both hands up. 

 

“C’mon August, I’m your producer,” Rachel said with a smile. She had stopped several feet away from him and beconned with one finger, “Come here.” 

 

August signed and walked back into the shot, “What do you want?” 

 

“Aw you hurt me! I felt like we had  _ such _ a connection last season, it would be a shame to waste it,” said Rachel, putting a hand of his forearm. 

 

“You got me kicked off the show last season,” he said. 

 

“You have to understand, I had to. You know how Quinn is and I was afraid I’d lose my job- or worse,” Rachel frowned for a moment before smiling again, “and I’m sorry about earlier, everyone was just really surprised that you came back. It was a good surprise though.” 

 

August narrowed his eyes, “Yeah.”

 

“We need to work on your strategy to get you picked for the hometown date,” she continued, lowering her voice, “We should make it seem plausible that Vanessa would pick you.” 

 

Quinn’s voice crackled over the intercom, “Places!” 

 

“We’ll chat later?” Rachel asked, ‘Talk to Vanessa, be charming!” 

 

“Yeah, sure,” 

 

“Great,” she flashed him another big smile, “Thanks!” 

 

August watched as she disappeared off around the corner, presumably to watch from that monitor filled room he’d walked through earlier. Following Rachel’s directions, he tried to talk to Vanessa again. 

 

“I’ve always admired your charity work,” he said, “It’s obvious how much time you spent training that using any of your free time to give back to your community is admirable.”

 

“Did Rachel tell you to say that?” 

 

“Maybe we should at least pretend like we like each other?” he asked, “For the other contestants?”

 

“What do you care?” Vanessa said, “I’ll smile for the camera and you’ll get your hometown date then you can go home.”

 

August glanced back at the other, two of the women were watching them intently, but as soon as they saw him looking, glanced away and whispered to one another. Great, just great, thought August, hoping they hadn’t heard their conversation. Beside him, Vanessa uncrossed her arms, smiling sweetly towards the camera as Quinn yelled, “ACTION!”

 

… 

 

“You wanted to see me?” Rachel said as she shut the door to Quinn’s office behind her. 

 

“Yeah, come sit down,” Quinn poured a second glass of whiskey, moved to sit on the couch, and motioned for Rachel to join her. 

 

Rachel ignored the glass Quinn offered, “What did you want to see me about?” 

 

“I heard you tell August that you two had a real connection last season,” Quinn said, not quite looking at Rachel. 

 

“So what?” Rachel snapped, “Why do you care?” 

 

“You wanted me to be more honest so here it is,” Quinn looked visibly uncomfortable, much like when she’d come to goat farm to tell Rachel she missed her, “I don’t like sharing you and I don’t want you to be with August.” 

 

“Why not just fuck him again and sabotage us?” The last word turned to a sneer between Rachel’s lips, “Admit it, you just hate the idea of me having a real relationship with someone who cares about me!”  

 

“You and Outback Stakehouse aren’t going to have a real relationship, you’re going to use him to get what you want and he’s going to fall for it because he has something to gain,” Quinn said, her fire returned, “Just like me and him last season.” 

 

“No! Because unlike you, I’m not just trying to control someone’s life!” 

 

“Do you hear yourself? You’ve had one conversation with him since he came back and you seriously think you’re going to have a real relationship? You’re really trying to tell me this isn’t because I fucked him a year ago?” Quinn grabbed Rachel by the wrists pulling her closer, “You said you wanted me to be more honest and here it is, what else do you want? I’m trying, I really am.” 

 

Rachel stared back at her, eyes brimming with tears. She pulled against Quinn’s grip, but Quinn tightened her grip, fingers digging into Rachel’s arms. “You’re hurting me,” she whispered. 

 

Immediately Quinn dropped her wrists, recoiling in surprise, “Rachel, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“ 

 

“I’m gonna go,” Rachel said, standing up. 

 

She could feel Quinn’s eyes on her as she stumbled from the room. She knew her arms wouldn’t bruise, Quinn hadn’t been holding her that tightly, but there was something in the intensity of the look in her eyes that startled her. It reminded Rachel of that time in the control room when Quinn had smashed the monitors, trying to fire her. 

 

… 

 

“Rachel! Rachel wait up!” Vanessa called, jogging up to Rachel outside the mansion. She was in workout clothes, using her free time to exercise since the contestants were working on their hometown date pitches. 

 

“Sure, Vanessa, what’s up?” 

 

“Tell me about August,” she said, looping her arm through Rachel’s like they were the best of friends, “I feel like there was something I was missing when we were all in Quinn’s office. Why did the last suitress want him gone?”

 

“It’s like Quinn said, Serena thought he had a wandering eye,” said Rachel.

 

“Mm hmm, but we both know not everything is as it seems here. We’re telling the others that I’m going to pick one of them for the hometown date based on what they say today, but that’s not the truth,” Vanessa said, “So what do you all know that you’re not telling me?”

 

“I mean technically Chet doesn’t know either,” offered Rachel, smirking as Vanessa scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

 

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

 

“If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone else; not Quinn, not Chet, not Mike or any of the other contestants, okay?”

 

“Oh cross my heart,” Vanessa said, turning to take both of Rachel’s hands in her, “You can trust me,  _ promise _ .”

 

“You’re good, you know? If things don’t work out for you on this redemption arc, you should come work for us,”

 

“What happened Rachel,”

 

“August and Quinn slept together a couple times last season, and then when Quinn wanted to stop August threatened to sue so we got rid of him,” said Rachel. 

 

Confused, Vanessa’s face screwed up in disbelief, “August and Quinn? I thought- When you were talking to him earlier-”

 

“You thought August and I were a thing?” 

 

“Well, I mean you said you two had a connection, that’s what you guys said I should tell people,” Vanessa shrugged, “I figured that was reality tv speak for, you know.” 

 

“It’s not code, it just means you … had a connection,” Rachel said.

 

“So you did, with August? Then Quinn happened?” said Vanessa, dropping her hands and continuing to walk with her. It was all beginning to feel vaguely like a scene out of some Austen novel, one where the fine lady takes a turn around the room with the plainer one to learn all the gossip. 

 

“Uh, yeah, something like that,” Rachel glanced around for an escape. She was right about hiring her, Vanessa was good and it threw Rachel off balance. 

 

“You guys both liked him and you work together? That must have been hard,” continued Vanessa.

 

“No, Quinn didn’t like him, she just-” Rachel cut herself off.

 

“You liked him then she slept with him?” Vanessa untangled their arms, “It doesn’t sound like it was about August.”

 

“What-?” Rachel just stared at her as Vanessa smiled.

 

“I need to go get ready, see you later?”

 

“I- uh, yeah.”

 

… 

 

Cut 2 (5) Alex & Ben

 

Clad in a long, shimmery, plum colored gown, Vanessa stood on the dais. A fake smile was plastered on her face as she looked out at the remaining contestants. Her eyes lingered on Mike for a moment, before glancing over at Graham.

 

“And now, it’s the moment of truth,” said Graham, placing a hand on the small of Vanessa’s back. She pulled her shoulders back, slightly uncomfortable with his touch. 

 

“Tonight, one of you will be chosen to introduce Vanessa to your hometown, but for two of you, your journey ends tonight,” he continued, “Vanessa, who do you want to get to know better?”

 

“Thank you Graham,” she said with a big smile, “It was wonderful to hear all about where you grew up and I wish I could visit every city, but the place that really caught my eye was Melbourne and you, August. Will you do me the honor of showing me your hometown?”

 

“Of course,” August replied, “Thank you.”

 

“I knew it!” cried Alex, “It’s just like what Catherine and Kara said!”

 

“Alex, what are you talking about?” Vanessa said, the picture of innocence. 

 

“They overheard you talking with August saying you were going to pick him no matter what! You don’t even like him!” Alex stepped out of the line up, pointing an accusing finger at everyone.

 

“Alex, I’m really sorry you’re hurt that you weren’t chosen,” said Vanessa, “But making up stories about why August was chosen isn’t fair to anyone. I picked August because I wanted to get to know him better and I felt like the best place to do that would be his hometown. I’m really disappointed in you, Alex, and I’m afraid this will have to be the end of our time together. You can go.”

 

Alex gasped, staring agape at Vanessa for a moment before turning around and storming off in a huff. 

 

Vanessa looked down, appearing to compose herself as she smoothed her skirt. Then she said, “Ben? I’m sorry but your time together has also come to an end. While you’ve been very nice, I just don’t feel any spark between us.”

 

Ben took the news better than Alex did, merely inclining his head before walking off to do exit interviews. 

 

“Does anyone else have any objections?” Vanessa asked and when no one replied, she smiled softly, “Then I wish you a good night and thank you for your patience.”


	14. i know you care, i see it in the way that you stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which august talks to dr. allison james, everyone goes to australia, and rachel hurts her shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my disclaimer is that I know nothing about Australia or blunt force trauma injuries. Also this chapter has 2,900+ words so get snacks or something

August Walker couldn’t get comfortable. He’d spent half of the nearly sixteen hour flight fidgeting, much to the annoyance of Vanessa, who was seated next to him. The seats were arranged in pods of four, two seats facing two more seats, and August and Vanessa sat facing Quinn and Rachel. 

 

Rachel had fallen asleep hours ago, her forehead resting on Quinn’s shoulder and a curtain of hair hiding her face. Quinn, who didn’t strike August as the type to indulge such a thing as the invasion of her personal space, but she didn’t bat an eye when Rachel lifted the armrest between them and curled up against her side. 

 

Watching them, he kept thinking back to the night before, when Everlasting’s therapist pulled him aside. 

 

“You’re August right?” the red headed woman had said, and August nodded, “I’m Allison James, Dr. Allison James, Everlasting’s in house psychiatrist.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” he said, shaking her hand.

 

“I’m so glad I caught you before you left for Australia,” she said with a smile, then lowered her voice, “There’s something I think you should know about Quinn and Rachel.” 

 

August snorted, “They're manipulative and untrustworthy, I already know that.” 

 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just,” Allison bit her lip, glancing around, “I think they’re sleeping together.” 

 

“What? Listen, whatever’s going on with them, it doesn’t involve me and I don’t want anything to do with it. I’ve done that already and it didn’t turn out well for me.” 

 

“I just thought you should know,” Allison said, “Everyone else does.” 

 

“Uh, thanks?” 

 

August shook his head, trying to clear the memory. It had been a confusing twenty-four hours between talking with Allison James’ to Rachel going from flirty to not talking to him if at all possible. At least Vanessa was consistently annoyed with his very presence. Although now she kept glancing from him to Quinn like she  _ knew _ . 

 

Across from him, Rachel shifted in her sleep so her head was in Quinn’s lap. Quinn, for her part, seemed nonplussed by this and continued reading, her free hand straying down to pet Rachel’s hair. 

 

August glanced to his right and left to see if anyone else was seeing what he was, but it appeared that only he and Quinn were still awake. Quinn looked up from her book, meeting his gaze with her own unwavering stare. They held it for a moment, a power struggle like two children balancing on a See-saw. But then Rachel stirred, mumbling in her sleep and Quinn turned her attention to her. 

 

Taking the opening, August got up to use the lavatory and when he got back Rachel sitting up again and Quinn was asleep. 

 

… 

  
  


“Quinn,” Rachel huffed, “I’m  _ fine _ , really.”

 

She tried to pull her hand away from Quinn’s grasp, but Quinn just tightened her hand around Rachel’s wrist. With her free hand, Quinn pulled out am antibacterial wipe. 

 

“Rachel, I am so sorry,” August said, “It’s no excuse, but I totally didn’t see you there.”

 

Everything had been going fine, great even, during that morning’s filming. They’d gotten aerial shots of Melbourne and once on the ground, had met up with August’s mother and sister. Vanessa even seemed to be enjoying herself, or she was a good actress, Rachel wasn’t sure. 

 

But after lunch, when August’s sister and her boyfriend challenged August and Vanessa to a game of basketball, things had gotten out of hand. Jumping for the ball, August had crashed into one of the lights, sending the heavy hot light down onto Rachel’s shoulder, knocking her into the gravel. 

 

“Yeah, well maybe watch where you’re going next time,” Quinn snapped, glaring up at August. She loosened her grip as she carefully wiped the cuts on Rachel’s palm with the disinfectant. Rachel hissed in pain. 

 

“Do you need anything?” August asked, placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m fine!” Rachel said, sharper than she meant because of the pain. Being thrown into the gravel had left her with bloodied palms and knees.

 

She opened her eyes to watch as Quinn gently bandaged her hand. Quinn obviously wanted August to leave, as she moved her chair to be closer to Rachel. Rachel had seen this before, Quinn was being territorial. 

 

“I can do it myself,” Rachel said, without any fight in her voice. They both knew she was going to let Quinn continue to clean her cuts. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t need help with that?” August said to Quinn, “I do know first aid and we all know you don’t really have a nurturing touch.”

 

“You know what? A water does sound really good right now,” Rachel said, “Could you get me one?”

 

August glanced between them then said, “Sure,” and walked off. 

 

Finished with bandaging the first hand, Quinn picked up Rachel’s other hand, turning it over and carefully picking the pieces of gravel. Rachel watched Quinn concentrate on not hurting her further, even how Quinn winced in sympathy as Rachel made pained noises as antibacterial wipe met raw skin. 

 

“You like this don’t you?” Said Rachel.

 

“I don’t like seeing you hurt, if that’s what you mean,” Quinn didn’t look up as she grabbed another bandage. 

 

“No, you like taking care of me,” Rachel said, “Even when you fuck with me you still say it’s for my own good.” 

 

“You’re my girl,” Quinn said, as if it was that simple, as if everything Quinn did could be summed up into three words.  

 

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?”

 

“It means I’m going to clean the cuts on your knees now,” Quinn replied, slipping a hand under Rachel’s knees. She carefully lifted Rachel’s legs so they were across Quinn’s lap before cleaning around the cuts. 

 

Rachel’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She couldn’t remember that last time someone had taken care of her like this, and maybe Quinn suspected that. Rachel had taken iced the bruises Jeremy left herself; she’d been getting her own disinfectant and bandaids since she was seven. 

 

She felt a bit like a petulant child, and that thought made her flush. Quinn tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and Rachel bit her lip. Her pulse quickened as Quinn tenderly finished with Rachel’s legs. Quinn glanced up at her, running her thumb along the underside of Rachel’s newly bandaged knee. It was hot out, but Rachel shivered at the touch. 

 

“You okay?” Quinn asked, and Rachel nodded. 

 

“Maybe shorts were a bad idea,” admitted Rachel as both Chet and August walked up. August handed her a water bottle, already open, as Chet regarded them. He looked confused, and Rachel didn’t blame him. 

 

“That was quite a spill you took little weirdo,” he said, “Mama bear taking care of you?” 

 

Rachel stole a glance at Quinn, who didn’t look back at her. Thankfully, Quinn was finished bandaging her knees and Rachel swung her legs down and stood up, keeping one arm tucked in at her side. 

 

“I’m good now,” she said, “I better go, uh, prep Vanessa for the next shoot.” 

 

… 

 

Quinn found Rachel standing the the lobby of their hotel. She was talking to Chet, who held two room key cards and was talking. 

 

“They messed up our reservations,” he said, “And there’s only two rooms both with one bed left. I was thinking Quinn and I-“ 

 

“Quinn and I can take one,” Rachel said quickly, cutting Chet off and snatching one of the key cards from him, “She said that she wanted to, uh, work on some details for the finale- you know like gown colors and flowers and… stuff.”  

 

“Okay little weirdo,” Chet said, giving her a look then wandering off in the direction of the bar. 

 

“Hey, got our room keys?” Quinn asked, approaching Rachel. 

 

“Uh yeah, here. The hotel fucked up the reservation and so we’re rooming together. Like in London.” 

 

Rachel shrugged like, ‘what can you do,’ the lie sold perfectly. If Quinn hadn’t been eavesdropping, she would have had no way of knowing that it was at Rachel’s insistence that they were sharing a room again. She knew she should be mad, or at least annoyed, with the lie but instead she found it slightly endearing. Rachel shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, cradling one arm. 

 

“I’m gonna head up to the room,” she said, “Okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be up in a little while.” 

 

… 

 

In the fluorescent lit bathroom mirror, Rachel could see Quinn watch her from the doorway. Rachel was changing her dirty bandages before bed, her hair wet from her shower, and Quinn was holding a glass of wine from the minibar. 

 

“Do you need the bathroom?” Rachel asked. 

 

“No,” Quinn said, then offered Rachel her glass of wine. 

 

Rachel took it, their fingers brushing in the exchange. She took a sip, not breaking eye contact with Quinn. It felt very domestic to Rachel, more so than they usually let themselves be. But oh how easy it would be, she realized, to let themselves become that. To pick a bedroom, hers or Quinn’s, and live in tandem. They already operated as two halves of the same thought in their work life. Maybe it was Australia, maybe they were just so separated from reality that it felt so right. 

 

The air in the room crackled with electric tension and words left unspoken. 

 

She wanted to know why, she always shared to know why. She wanted to know what Quinn was thinking, why the shift in demeanor, but she didn’t want to break the spell they were under. If this was a dream, Rachel didn’t want to wake up. 

 

“Is there some middle ground?” Quinn asked, she looked tired and Rachel knew it wasn’t just from jet lag, “Some agreement we can come to where I won’t overstep when you need to fix something but you won’t get mad when I bandage your knees?” 

 

“Why do care all of a sudden? You’ve bulldozed over my life every other time,” Rachel said, but her words lacked the bite they normally did. She’d left her will to fight with Quinn back in the states, but the patterns were so easy to fall back into. 

 

“I’ve come to the realization that the show does better, and is better, when we aren’t fighting,” Quinn said. 

 

Rachel studied Quinn’s face for a moment, “oh my God,” she said, “You really think we’re going to die.” 

 

Taking back the glass, Quinn walked back into a bedroom, pouring herself more wine. Rachel followed her out, sitting on the end of the bed. 

 

“You never really answered my question,” she continued when Quinn didn’t answer, “What do you mean when you say I’m your girl?” 

 

Quinn looked away for a moment. She seemed to be composing her thoughts, taking a long sip of wine. It felt like forever before she turned back to Rachel, walked over to stand in front of her. 

 

“It means you’re my best producer, you’re my right hand, my second, my number two,” Quinn said, “It means I reserve the right to call you in at all hours of the day or night and bitch at you when you yawn. It means that like it or not, I feel responsible for you, for when you skin your knee or crash a Ferrari on my watch. It means I’m going to keep trying to take care of you, Rachel Goldberg, until you tell me to get the fuck out of your life.” 

 

Unshed tears pricked at the corners of Rachel’s eyes as she reached out for Quinn. Wrapping one arm around her waist, Rachel pulled Quinn into a hug, her cheek pressed against Quinn’s stomach as she sat and Quinn stood. Quinn was still for a moment, surprised, but soon Rachel felt her hands come to rest, one on Rachel’s shoulder and the other in Rachel’s hair. 

 

“Alright,” Said Quinn after a moment, “Enough of that.” 

 

Rachel pulled away, wiping her face on the back of her hand. With a single finger, Quinn traced a tear track across Rachel’s cheek down along her throat, stopping as she reached the top of her shirt. 

 

“Lay back,” she said. Rachel moved to the middle of the back, laying down on her back. 

 

Quinn picked up one of Rachel’s ankles, pressing a soft kiss to the bottom of one of her freshly cleaned feet. Rachel bit her lip, suppressing a smile and a laugh, but Quinn still saw. 

 

“Ticklish?” She asked and Rachel made a face. 

 

“No,” Rachel said defiantly even though they both knew it was a lie. 

 

Quinn kissed the sole of her foot again, in the arch, and Rachel couldn’t help her giggle. Quinn smiled, satisfied, and moved to kiss the inside of Rachel’s ankle. She set the foot down on the bed and kissed around the bandages the wrapped Rachel’s skinned knees. 

 

“How are you feeling?” Quinn asked. She sat on the bed, in between Rachel’s legs, her hands tracing patterns on her bare skin. Rachel was only in underwear and an oversized button up flannel, casual compared to Quinn’s matching pajama set. 

 

“Okay,” Rachel said, “Still kinda sore.”

 

Quinn’s hands drifted to the buttons of Rachel’s shirt, “I’ll be gentle then, if you’d like.” 

 

“You don’t have to be, I can handle it,” Rachel said. She propped herself up on her elbows, then winced. 

 

Crawling up to lay beside her, Quinn tucked a piece of Rachel’s hair behind her ear. Rachel laid back down, and watched as Quinn’s gaze softened. 

 

“What if I want to be gentle with you?” Said Quinn, and Rachel stretched up to kiss her, slow but passionately. 

 

“It’s hard to stay mad at you when you’re like this,” Rachel said once they’d broken apart and Quinn chuckled. 

 

Quinn began to unbutton Rachel’s shirt, “I’m sorry,”

She said, “I should have told you sooner about… everything,I didn’t want to upset you.”

 

“You wanted to be gentle with me,” Rachel said.

 

“Yeah,” Quinn worked her way down the row of buttons then ran her hands underneath, warm hands running along her skin. 

 

Rachel shut her eyes. Quinn wasn’t tender with her often, no one was tender with her often, and she wanted to stay in this moment forever. She left her shirt pushed from her shoulders, replaced by a soft kiss on bruised skin. Rachel winced. 

 

“Oh sweetheart,” Quinn murmured, and Rachel opened her eyes. Quinn was looking down at Rachel’s mottled purple shoulder. 

 

“I’m okay,” Rachel said. 

 

“Sit up,” Quinn said, moving off of her. 

 

Letting the shirt fall back onto the bed, Rachel sat up. It purple and green, spreading from where the light had hit her across her shoulder like a spider web. Pulling her hair off to the side, she pulled her knees up to her chest, letting Quinn see the full effect of the bruise. 

 

“Oh my god,” Quinn said, “Someone needs to look at this.” 

 

“It’s fine, really,” 

 

“What if something’s broken?” Quinn shook her head, “No, this is not a discussion. I’m having a doctor take a look at it.” 

 

“It’s almost one am Quinn, there won’t be any doctors available until tomorrow unless we go to the hospital.” 

 

Quinn stood up and grabbed a hotel robe, “Stay here.” 

 

… 

 

August groaned as he glanced out the peephole of his hotel room.  He’d just been about to head to bed when there had been a fervent knocking on his door. 

 

“You really can’t keep it in your pants, can you,” he said when he opened the door. 

 

But Quinn King, looking much smaller than normal in a robe and no shoes, simply glared up at him. 

 

“I need you to come look at Rachel’s shoulder,” she said. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Her shoulder! You hit it with the light and now I’m not sure if it’s broken or not!” 

 

August grabbed a shirt then followed Quinn, muttering, “this better be real.”

 

He was surprised to see Rachel sitting on the end of the only bed in the room, looking surprised and annoyed as she held a crumpled shirt to cover her chest. Glancing between Quinn and Rachel he moved to sit down on the bed next to her. 

 

“This is ridiculous,” grumbled Rachel, clutching the shirt closer to her chest with her good arm. Her other arm hung limp at her side. 

 

August gentle touched the bruised shoulder and Rachel inhaled sharply. 

 

“On a scale of one to ten, how much does that hurt?” He asked. 

 

“Four,” Rachel said through clenched teeth. 

 

Reaching down, August took her wrist in his hand, slowly raising it to the side, “Now men and women often give different answers for the same amount of pain. Women are more likely to down play their level of pain for whatever reason.”

 

He’d brought her arm all the way up and Rachel whimpered, focusing on the wall across from the bed. Quinn watched, arms crossed. 

 

“Six, that’s a six,” Rachel said and August lowered her arm. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, pressing down slightly on the top of her shoulder before moving to her shoulder blade. 

 

“Back to like a four,” 

 

“Okay,” Said August and stood, “It’s not broken but there’s obviously physical trauma. You really should get it looked at by a real doctor when we get back to the states.” 

 

“Kay,” Rachel didn’t meet his gaze, “Thanks.” 

 

August moved towards the door, Quinn following. Outside, they lingered in the hall, Quinn clenched her jaw as August awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck. 

 

“Thank you,” Quinn said after a beat, “For taking a look at that.” 

 

“Just make sure she really does get that looked at, I’m only trained in basic first aid,” he said, “And Quinn?” 

 

“What?” 

 

“I hope you both are happy together,” and with that he walked away. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


End file.
